Hey there my Gasmastic friends, time for another episode of True Blood. Now the good thing about this being the third season of this show is that we all know why we watch it. For hot cable sex and cheap violence. Errr, I mean the interesting mysteries, and the timeless love story between Sookie and Bill. Oh, who the hell am I kidding? It’s for the hot sex and cheap violence, and this week, we’ve got oodles of both, so enough with the small talk and lets get to recapping!/////Our Episode starts right where the last one left off, with Sookie shooting at that werewolf in her house. This leads to some nicely done John Woo bullet time, where Eric watches the bullet traveling in super slow motion and dives in front of it. Why? It looks real cool. Well there’s that, but mainly Eric wants to question the werewolf, which is why he ends up getting shot by Sookie.
When the werewolf sees that Eric’s stomach has a gaping hole in it, he immediately changes back into human form so he can suck down V, like Eric was a giant margarita glass full of the stuff. Funny thing, am I the only one who’s noticed that the bigger the margarita glasses in a Mexican restaurant, the shittier the Chimichangas?
Anyway, Eric grabs the guys head, and goes with his standard “who are you working for” question. The werewolf says he wants a taste first, but Eric’s been down that road before, and that was with a hot naked chick, and this is a dude with bad tats and a Kentucky Waterfall, so it’s no deal. Well, until the werewolf just shoves his whole head into Eric’s tum-tum.
Eric eventually gets the dude off him, and this is when the werewolf decides to exit stage right. Too bad for the werewolf, Sookie shoots him in the leg, which now gives her a 100% rating for shooting everyone else in the room.
Eric pins the guy to the floor and asks him who he’s working for. The werewolf says Eric will just have to kill him, and seeing as Eric found that rune on the guy’s neck he doesn’t have a problem with this request. Eric chomps down on the guy, and then makes a crack about getting blood on Sookie’s rug, which I liked, but then why not? I liked it when Joe Pesci said pretty much the same line in Goodfellas. Anyway, now that the show has our attention, the opening credits come up.
When we come back form the credits, we check in over at the Closet King’s and things are just awesome. Well for us in the audience, for the people there, not so much. The Closet King has put out that fire that Bill set on Lorena last week, and she is now only smoldering. By the way, that’s not smoldering beauty, she actually still has smoke coming off her.
Long Time Male Companion begins to pitch a serious fit, because the Closet King used some very old tapestry to put out Lorena, and it was a gift from some hoo-haw 300 years ago. Luckily for everyone involved, the Closet King is able to settle him down, by telling Long Time Male Companion that if that can’t get the tapestry fixed, they will just put some planters on the burnt parts, and everything will be good as new. Okay, am I now the only one who wants to go over to their house and flip over their sofa cushions? Please say yes, it will make when I snoop through their bathroom cabinets less creepy.
The Closet King then shoos everyone out of the room so he and Bill can have their 43rd little talk of the night. The Closet King points out that Bill is very committed to Sookie, but as long as she is a human, she will always be threatened, especially by people like the Closet King. This is a cool scene, because on the one hand, the Closet King is giving Bill what he thinks is good advice, to turn Sookie into a vampire, because as a human, Bill’s enemies will always be able to threaten her. The other hand that is only strongly implied, is that the Closet King will do something very bad to Sookie unless Bill starts playing ball. Bill gets a look on his face like somebody pooted in his blood gelato, and the Closet King tells him to sleep on the advice he gave him, and scene.