Desperate Terrorist Housewives - 
by B-side
As the second hour reached its climax, Jack and Ronnie set out to fetch Andrew, although not before Ronnie set some ground rules: "You listen to me," he ordered. Whatever. If he's not dead by the end of this episode, I'll be shocked.
Of course, Jack and Ronnie were about thirty seconds too late as terrorist henchman #1 snagged Andrew and threw him in the back of his Lexus. Great. Someone else abducted. At this rate, we'll have about thirty six abductees by the end of the season. Nevertheless, an argument over tactics between Jack and Ronnie escalated to fisticuffs, with our hero getting cuffed to a handrail. Moments later, however, the henchman gunned down Ronnie (who would have thought?), and we watched as the dying field agent slowly, ever so slowly, handed Jack the keys to the handcuffs. Good god. Just give him the keys! Must they make every single thing so exciting? I'm dying here!
Alas, as the show hit its final minute, Jack drove off in the middle of LA traffic to find the blue Lexus while Heller received the terrorist version of a Paris Hilton sex tape: an online beheading (maybe). Well, no heads were rolling just yet. According to a live webcast, Heller will be tried for his war crimes in three hours and will be executed "If he can be proven guilty." IF? I wonder if the hooded terrorists with machine guns will be able to possibly convict him! Who knows, maybe this will turn into a modern day version of "The Devil and Daniel Webster."
What do you think? How did the season premiere stack up? Is 24 back?
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Comments
Within five minutes of his introduction, I was calling Ronnie "Not Jack." That was going to be my permanent nickame for him for the entire season. Then I realized that there's nothing like introducing a character with a giant bullseye painted on his forehead. Seriously he needed 24 (as I call Jack) to tell him what the rest of America already knew about the Laundromat: someone else was there. Man, Ronnie was useless. I bet even Tony could have kicked his ass.
I like how one of the big running themes over the first two hours was that people were trying to be 24, but none of them are even HALF the man he is. There's Erin Driscoll, trying be 24 by being a bad-ass CTU head. Then there's Not Jack and we know what happens to people who mess with 24 (especially when they hit him from behind). That's right. You get shot like the beyotch you are. And I like how Not Jack died so 24 didn't have to call in medical help or stay with him. Of course, Not Jack got what he deserved. And finally, there was that terrorist guy who said what will hopefully be his infamous last words, "Yeah. I'm Jack Bauer."
How many packs of cigarettes did Behrooz' mother smoke before the episode?
Posted by: Papercuts! | January 10, 2005 1:18 PM(#1 of 5)
Great program. My TIVO is gonna be working overtime.
Posted by: America's Next Top Fan | January 10, 2005 1:41 PM(#2 of 5)
I wasn't sure how we were going to top the nuke and the bio attack. But this is shaping up nicely.
Two outstanding images: rocket shooting across the screen to take out the limo, and the truly sickening still you captured above - looks too familiar.
Oh, and a big "BITE ME" shout-out to the PC crowd that's ticked about the ethnicity of this season's villains.
Posted by: scottbr | January 10, 2005 7:09 PM(#3 of 5)
I watched the second hour and thought that this is a pretty solid show, however I watched the 9-11 am hours and thought they were horrible, Jack Bauer just happen to keep a ski mask in the back of his car, why? So he can rob a connivence store for shits and giggles, and then he takes it off as soon as the cameras are foamed, WTF? Just pop the evil terrorist's tires, he'll be standing there until AAA tows him. I'm really surprised that Behrooz didn't cap mom's ass when he had the chance. I do think that the visuals are stunning, but please wipe Devane's face, he looks like a mylar balloon.
Then a look at the next episode, Debbie's mom drops by the terrorist families house to find out where Debbie is, my best guess is that she's gonna die, the body's are really stacking up at the ol' terrorist household. Is this 24 or Desperate Housewives?
Posted by: John | January 11, 2005 4:49 AM(#4 of 5)
For some reason Audrey reminds me of Kim and that's definitely not a compliment... I wished her captors slit her throat when they had the chance! Aside from the gratuitous bra-shot at the beginning of episode 1, what purpose does she serve on the show???
I'm with ya B-Side on wanting Sherri to rise from the dead. She's a classic. However, Mrs. CatherineZetaWannabe-Azar is a satisfactory replacement.
Posted by: NikiSpice | January 12, 2005 7:46 PM(#5 of 5)