Somewhere around this time, a random bearded man with a penchant for exposition approached Habib and informed him that they had a problem. Remember that military pilot whose family bit it last episode? Well, some neighbor or relative checked in on the fam, found the dead bodies, and, you guessed it, called the police. Uh oh spaghetti-oh. The last thing these terrorists need is for something to go wrong. Again. An LAPD report could be just enough to stop Mitch Anderson and whatever nefarious plans he has up his sleeve. Habib decided he would have to distract CTU so that the LAPD report would fall the bottom of the department priority list. But how could they divert their attention? Hmmm... Maybe crosswords? I can just imagine it: Habib tenting his fingers while Edgar searches for a five letter word to describe Chilean pottery. Habib would then laugh and say "The only thing better than doing the New York Times crossword is finishing the New York Times crossword! Am I right people? Now, who knows a four letter word that's used in fencing'?"

Actually, Marwan decided to nix the whole crossword idea in favor of a more visceral plan. He asked Jack who CTU had in custody. Uh oh. This won't be good for Behrooz. Personally, I didn't know why Marwan was going through such trouble for his distraction. It's not like CTU is the bastion of clear thinking. Let's not forget all the staff turnover due to suicides and accidental torture. Edgar and Chloe meanwhile were doing nothing to dispel the notion that CTU wasn't a well-oiled machine. The two computer oddballs went at it like snarling poodles as they battled for superiority. Turns out Chloe thought she was still Edgar's boss, but sometime between her firing and Edgar's saving the entire country, he got a promotion. When Chloe claimed that Edgar works for her, he retorted "I worked. Worked. With an 'ED' at the end." He then went on to add, "Now I have a lot of actheth to thtuff. Did you hear me? Actheth - with an 'eth' at the end. If you underthtand me, say yeth."

Still, despite his insistence on having the higher position, Chloe continued to whine to any authority figure who would listen. "Edgar works for me!" she complained in what was shaping up to be one of the best CTU power squabbles EVER. Alas, Chloe was shot down and with her patented scowl, she returned to her desk, ready to deliver all her passive aggressive might onto Edgar.

Edgar however seems to have earned a little niche for himself as the CTU receptionist, fielding calls from everyone, including Habib Marwan himself. Was it just me, or was he completely too blasé about the fact that the most dangerous terrorist in the country was on the phone with him. And another thing, if Habib is so powerful and strong, why does he call the lowly computer guy instead of the CTU director's personal line? It's like calling the White House janitor to reach the Oval Office.

Well, Habib got on the phone with Michelle and informed her that he wanted to trade Jack for Behrooz. The big plan? To fashion a wig from Behrooz's curly fro to cover up Marwan's unsightly baldness. That's at least what I would have surmised. Needless to say, I'm not a government super agent. Unfortunately for Behrooz, Marwan asking for him led CTU to believe the poor kid had information that was actually valuable (silly CTU. It was only red herring!). Anyway, if it's information you need, CTU's always got a plan. Curtis, rev up the Torture-Tron 2000! Yes, it had been a good two episodes since we had seen any significant torture; so why not go after another innocent person? Minor prediction: Behrooz will crumble under the mighty hand of Curtis.

Everyone at CTU met in the boardroom to discuss a plan, and as the various workers dispersed to tackle the logistics of the Behrooz/Jack exchange, Audrey cornered Tony and began assaulting him with questions. Where is Jack? They want to trade him for Behrooz? How will that happen? Will Jack be safe? Good god WOMAN! Just go to the meeting next time!

Anyway, our orphan Behrooz sat anxiously in his chamber, waiting to be released. He kind of looked like a trapped bunny — scared, nervous, and fluffy (it's the hair, really). As predicted, he was a total mess at the hands of Curtis. You know, he's been through a lot today. First his mom kills his girlfriend. Then his dad sends a guy to kill him. Then his dad tries to kill him on his own. Then he actually has to kill his dad. And now his mom his dead (although he doesn't know it) and a big man with a scary voice is torturing him. Man. It's a bad day to be Behrooz.

Meanwhile, that inconvenient LAPD report about the military pilot's dead family finally surfaced at CTU, but unfortunately, our techies were in the middle of a stupid feud. Edgar tried to offload the report to Chloe, but she pulled a little "I'm not the boss. This isn't my responsibility." As a result, some pleasant girl named Meg got stuck with the police report, and she was none too happy. Listen Meg. Just do your job and be happy you haven't gone the way of other CTU computer experts: dead (or mourning a dead family member/friend. What's up Adam, Edgar, and Chloe).

Posted by B-side on March 30, 2005 2:03 AM