As for Lynn, well, he sensed something was fishy. What's this? A bureaucrat who might be helpful? Well, he needed to access information, which meant the first (of hopefully many) Lynn vs. Chloe showdowns. The socially inept techie managed to shoot down everything Lynn said with flustered comments like "I don't need to know what you'd like to see!" It's great to have Chloe back, even if she is completely nuts.

Back in the Ontario Airport (which is totally having the worst delays ever now!), Jack spied one of the terrorists giving Anton a keycard retrieved from Chevensky's dead body. Follow that key card! But even more unsettling, Jack then saw Anton secretly pass the keycard on to one of the hostages!! He's a fake hostage! Dunh dunh DUNH!!

Anyway, with the Logan and the Russian prez about to sign the arms treaty, this entire hostage situation was about to go down the shitter (the terrorists would kill everyone if the treaty was signed). Still, the bad guy in the TV room was sure that the president wouldn't be signing the treaty. After all, once CTU barged into the trap and the mission failed, the President and his stupid little treaty would look dumb and dumber. Of course, this all hinged on the assumption that CTU would actually jump into the trap in a timely fashion, which, of course, was not about to happen. You see, just before busting open a wall (48 second before, to be precise), Jack checked in with CTU again, once again reiterating, "Remember, I am in a Flank 2 position!" C'mon, people! He is under DURESS!!

But of course, Bill Buchanan just twiddled his thumbs and prepared to move forward. That is, until Lynn burst into the Situation Room and knocked the ring away from Gollum! Oh, no, sorry. I meant, Lynn burst into the Situation room and announced that "Flank 2" was code for, you guessed it, duress!! Why hadn't anyone picked up on it? Well, because "Flank 2" wasn't the current duress codeword -- but it was when Jack was still gainfully employed by CTU. Thank god for careful bureaucrats!

With this new information, Bill yelled for Curtis to abort! Abort! ABORT DAMMIT!!! And with two seconds left before CTU blew out the terminal wall with a line of explosives, Curtis cut the timer and avoided catastrophe. Phew!

The field team then returned to their original protocol, but not before Diane resurfaced to incessantly ask, "What's happening?" Wow, she's the new Kate Warner. Just give her a cookie or something and walk away.

Meanwhile, Logan was getting ever closer to signing that darned treaty. This time, there was even a pen out! The villain in the TV room was absolutely freaking out while Anton couldn't figure out why in the world CTU hadn't busted down a wall and stumbled right into his trap yet. As I yelled to the TV for someone -- for the love of all those innocent hostages -- to stall the President, the terrorists concluded that CTU had called their bluff. Logan signed the treaty, and the bad guys prepared to murder everyone in the terminal. And they were gonna do it... right... now---BOOM! With impeccable timing, CTU burst into the terminal, resulting in gunfire and chaos all around. Still, couldn't be as bad as Holiday traveling. Those lines!

Well, as the agents and the terrorists battled it out, Jack snuck off to some jagged post and freed himself of his bonds. A second later, he was firing off his gun, downing bad guys left and right. Our hero! As for Anton, he tried to simply kill himself, but Jack would have none of it. He shot the guy himself, but not lethally -- still gotta torture him for information, let's not forget. Sadly, Jack's dreams of violent interrogations went up in smoke -- literally -- as Anton detonated a nearby explosive vest, killing himself in the process.

Eventually, peace was restored, and everyone was safe (of course, no one kept an eye out for that sneaky faux-hostage. Blast!), and at the summit, Logan stood up and addressed the crowd: "The rescue operation that I authorized was a success." Ah yes. A wonderfully douchebag move. I love this Logan character. I mean, I hate him. But I love to hate him. You know what I'm saying.

Meanwhile, the hostage was totally gone, and instead of trying to find him (I mean, set up a perimeter or something. Anything!), Jack opted to have a tender moment with Derek the boy wonder. He sent him off to his mother, but when Derek asked, "What about you?" Jack's paternal instinct kicked in and hugged the ratty boy. It's almost as if Jack was the father Derek never had -- the angry, homicidal father, that is.

Well, Derek and Diane tearfully reunited (aww), and then some nameless CTU agent announced that he was going to take them to CTU. Here's the thing. Whenever defenseless civilians get an official escort from anonymous CTU agents, it always ends in disaster. And with this mysterious hostage missing, I could sniff a fresh abduction on the horizon.

In meantime, after the successful signing of the treaty, Martha decided it was time to tell Logan about the little transcript she had tucked away in her bra. Of course, she approached the subject in a tried and true "I'm crazy and batty!" tone that caused Logan to rush away before she caused any sort of scene. This can't be good...

Posted by B-side on January 17, 2006 3:46 AM