The show began with Jack Bauer vowing to out Walt Cummings, and by "out," I mean "pummel his face into a soft pulp." Unfortunately, arranging a one-on-one with the President's chief of staff isn't the easiest thing in the world -- not even for Jack. The good news was that Jack could still work his David Palmer Fan Club connections and arrange for a clandestine moment alone with Mike Novick (the guy that everyone loves these days, despite the fact that he had poor Lynn knocked down a staircase in season two). Anyway, before Jack could take any action, he had to make sure everyone in the Situation Room was on board with him meeting Novick.

"I think it's worth a try," said Audrey. And we knew she meant business because she had her glasses on. Everyone agreed and filed out, leaving Jack and his former flame in the Situation Room alone. Might as well call it the Irony Room now, yes? Well, Jack asked Aud to pull up some coordinates (that's like asking "What's your sign?" in CTU), and she replied, "Jack, I'm sorry if I'm being a little distant it's..." she said, trailing off. It's okay, Audrey. We know you have to be distant when your glasses are on. Luckily, Audrey could barely stay distant for long; so she removed the lenses and said, "When Cummings finds out you're still alive, he's gonna come after you again." Listen, just put your glasses on and do your work, Audrey.

Meanwhile, over at Rancho Del Presidento, Logan was pissed that his wife was still on the loose. Okay, it's one thing for terrorists to sneak by perimeters, but a crazy old bat like Martha? I think this country really needs to reexamine its perimeter tactics. Nevertheless, there were more pressing things on the mind of the President, namely that pesky nerve gas everyone's been looking for. Just in case we didn't think nerve gas was as scary as a nuclear threat or that nasty biological strain in season three, we then got to see some poor writhing and foaming on a video. Funny, that's what happens to me every time I watch Yes, Dear. Zing!

As the President watched this nerve gas demo, Mike received a text message from Jack saying to call him immediately from a secure line. Of course, the mere act of Mike walking out of the room caused Walt's shifty eyes to go nuts, which we all knew would be a bad thing. Any time anyone has shifty eyes on 24, you pretty much know bad things are going to happen. Well, Mike went off and called Jack who told him that someone inside the administration was responsible for Palmer's death and the nerve gas. At first Mike was all "This is ridiculous!" but then Jack mentioned Walt's name, and dangit if Cummings just ruffles Mike's feathers! As usual, Jack got his way, and the two agreed to meet up.

Elsewhere in CTU, Diane and Derrick were roaming around (when will they be abducted already?) when they encountered Jack. Derrick wanted to know if Jack would be coming back with them (no, you idiot), and poor Diane, she just wanted to know if Jack was in love with Audrey. Well, he said yes, and when Diane then asked whether or not Audrey loved him back, he said he didn't know. Ultimately, Jack kissed Diane goodbye, and I was secretly hoping Audrey would see it, get the wrong impression, and start some silly drama. Too bad Carrie from season two wasn't still around. You know she would have totally gossiped to Audrey about Jack kissing another woman.

Anyway, back to more pressing matters: we then cut to the shady man who likes to hang out in dark rooms with computer monitors. Apparently his name was Nathanson, and he had taken a break from playing World of Warcraft to record Mike Novick's conversation with Jack. Furthermore, he had shared it with Walt. "What the hell am I supposed to do?" the duplicitous White House aid asked.

"At this point, there's only one thing you can do," Nathanson replied. And suddenly... THE TICKING CLOCK! But wait! What's the one thing he could do? Get some fro-yo? Check out a matinee of Brokeback Mountain? Play some web sudoku? The possibilities are endless!

After the commercial break, we found our old friend Aaron (the Secret Service guy and one of the few actors to appear in every season of 24) poking through some horse stables. We knew Martha would be nearby because those shrill "Psycho Housewife Alert!" violins were playing on the soundtrack. Sure enough, there she was, hiding in a stable behind some generic stable objects. Martha was quickly taken away by the Secret Service, but not before telling Aaron that someone in the administration had attacked her for knowing something about Palmer. As she headed out of the stables, the camera then zoomed onto Aaron and his anti-shifty eyes -- the sort that say, "I might just help out." Nice to see Aaron playing into the plot for once.

Posted by B-side on January 31, 2006 4:27 PM