All About Evelyn - 
by B-side
Congratulations to Sandrine Holt. Who's that, you ask? Why, she's the doe-eyed young actress who plays Evelyn on 24. Just when we thought her small character had been all but forgotten, the mercurial writers dragged her right back into the spotlight for her biggest episode yet. Unfortunately, if there's anything we know about bit characters on this show, it's that they rarely survive their moment in the limelight, especially if they happen to know any valuable information. Well, Evelyn knew QUITE a bit of information, and she just so happened to get stuck with the ever so fun task of duping an international terrorist and his fourteen armed guards and snipers. That's a lot to handle, especially if your day-to-day activities center around doing the First Lady's makeup. But on the upside, at least she'll have a great story to tell someday... if she survives.
But before we get to Evelyn, we need to take care of some loose ends. Some loose, fiery ends. At the end of last week's episode, Jack and Bierko were forced into a molten embrace as a fireball exploded all around them. Would they survive the blast? Of course. This is 24, not real life. A little fire's nothing to Jack. It's like flicking his ear or tussling his hair. Unfortunately, Jack's friends don't know him as well as we do, and so they were all very, very concerned -- especially Audrey who was look might refreshed for someone who's just emerged from a little evening torture session.
Anyway, as everyone waited with baited breath for Jack to reappear, we at least heard some good news: all the gas had been incinerated. Yay! But Edgar's still dead. Boo! But Kim's gone. Yay!
With this wonderful news, Karen excused herself to brief the White House of the news. "Miles..." she said, summoning her main gay. The two headed upstairs while out on the field, Curtis saw a bird... no, a plane! No, Jack Bauer! Yes, through the smoke and haze, Jack emerged triumphantly with Bierko flung over his shoulder. He survived! Who would have thought? And not an ounce of smoke inhalation! Well done!
"Jack's OK!" Curtis yelled out to the team. He then ran up to Jack and asked, "You OK?" Uh, Curtis. You just said he was OK. Maybe next time you should relax with the grandiose announcements. Luckily, Jack really was OK, so Curtis didn't have to recall his previous statement, but in the bad news department, Bierko was kind of strugglin' for life. You know what this means: he'll get a few key words out of his mouth until he painfully expires in the CTU infirmary. Speaking of which, that's exactly where Bierko's unconscious body was headed, and just like that Curtis quietly dispatched for the rest of the episode, a growing trend that I do not approve of, by the way.
Anyway, Jack then called Bill and told him that there was something big going on. Henderson was working for someone -- someone he didn't want to give up. But who?? "Bill, I'm scared," Jack said, showing some rare and disturbingly out of place vulnerability. He then added, "When I get back to CTU, promise me one thing: hold me. Hold me and tell me everything will be okay."
All right, he didn't actually say that, but what the hell was Jack so scared about? Did he not just go running through an exploding gas substation? Isn't this the same man that once parachuted out of plane with a nuclear bomb in the overhead compartment? And didn't this guy just brave exposure to the centox gas just two or three hours ago? Please, Jack. We know you're not scared. You're physically incapable.
Nevertheless, we were still left to wonder who this next nefarious baddie would be. Well, we then cut to Vice President Hal, looking menacing as always. Of course. The VP is behind it all. Kind of feels derivative of season two, but I'll go along with it. Nevertheless, Hal was on the phone with Karen, and even though CTU was in the middle of an investigation, and even though Karen thought that maybe then wasn't the best time to absorb the department, the vice prez still insisted that Homeland Security take over.
"I guess we should get started," Miles said in his best effeminately smarmy voice. He then added, "For this takeover, I have some wonderful ideas of what we can do with the decor. I'm thinking salmon trim on all the doors, and there are these lovely drapes at Pottery Barn that are on sale now. Why don't we check them out. And then get lattés!"
Well, even though the VP wanted the takeover right then, Karen knew that Bill Buchanan wouldn't take this lying down. She and Miles had to get some sort of dirt on him. They needed someone to go on record to say that Bill led CTU poorly that day and should be taken out of office. I instantly assumed this would be where wee Shari Rothenberg would shine, as she's already proven herself to be quite the office whistle-blower when it comes to sexual harassment. But no, Miles had someone else in mind: Audrey Raines!
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