There was no way Audrey would sign anything against Bill. That was obvious. But hey, it couldn't hurt to try. Meanwhile, back at the Presidential retreat, Aaron pulled up in his SUV -- a lovely vehicle which featured dual side airbags, heated seats, and plenty of trunk space to store golf clubs, groceries, or the former President's brother, if need be. Yes, Wayne was all stuffed and scrunched in the trunk, and even though he looked like he'd just been run over by an errant snowplow, he revealed that he was doing just fine, thank you very much. Once he dusted off his lapel a bit, he then told Aaron that David Palmer had been receiving information from within the White House. Evelyn Martin -- Martha Logan's assistant -- was his source. And it was because of the info Evelyn gave him that Palmer was killed. Dunh dunh DUNH!

At that very moment, we then found a jittery Evelyn preparing to pack up for the day. Martha noticed how nervous her assistant seemed to be, and when she asked if anything was wrong, Evelyn merely replied that she was just tired.

"It's been a long day," Martha then replied. "I'm surprised any of us got through it." Yeah, try explaining that to Walt Cummings. Oh that's right. You can't. BECAUSE HE'S DEAD.

Meanwhile, Agent Aaron Pierce entered the building with Wayne, who was looking quite clean and refreshed all of a sudden -- he and Audrey must have the same beauty kit. The two guys soon ran into Evelyn and pressed her for information. After some general Wayne grunting and seething, she finally admitted that she had proof about who's behind everything today. Unfortunately... "they" kidnapped her little girl. If she didn't turn the proof over to the bad guys soon, they'd kill her little girl. Uh oh spaghetti-o. The way I see it, she should let them kill her daughter, and then she can just adopt Behrooz, wherever he may be. That way she has a child, and he has a mother. Nifty, eh?

Anyway, Evelyn was reticent to spill the beans about anything to Agent Pierce or Wayne Palmer because she just wanted her child back. One problem with that. I'll let Aaron explain: "You know too much. They'll kill you both." Great. Way to be a buzzkill, AARON.

"Please. I'm very scared of black men."

So here's the deal. Evelyn said she'd turn over the evidence to them if they helped her get her daughter back. Not a bad deal. Kind of tricky though. Luckily, they'd have the assistance of CTU, right? Not so much. At that very moment, an army of stuffy Homeland Security drones entered CTU to take over the facility. This meant that all our old buddies were fired (assuming they hadn't already died from nerve gas) and sent home packing.

"These men and women are from homeland security," Karen Hayes announced to the floor, adding, "I've just authorized a unit-wide backslash protocol." Oh. OKAY. Whatever that means. You know, there's no real need to take over CTU. Someone just needs to train the field officers how to implement a proper hard perimeter. Step one: DON'T LET ANYONE THROUGH.

As the fresh faces began to take over the work stations, Miles told Audrey that he wanted to see her in the Situation Room.

"Why?" asked Audrey. Duh. There's a situation. They don't call it a Situation Room for nothin'.

Meanwhile, back at the retreat, Wayne called up Jack on his cell phone and informed him of the Evelyn situation. The two guys devised a quick plan on the fly: they'd both meet up in about twenty minutes from now with Evelyn. Got it. With that, Evelyn and Wayne split up, hoping to avoid detection as they both left the compound.

Back at CTU, Audrey was unsurprisingly resistant to signing Miles' document, but that sneaky man had quite the trick up his sleeve. Because Audrey had been part of the day's decision-making processes, Miles was going to pin all the CTU mistakes on her as well, therefore implicating the DOD and her father. Oh, so smarmy. Can't wait 'till he gets offed with some nerve gas. Luckily, Audrey is a woman of principle. "I'm proud of what we did here today. The people of CTU are heroes, especially Bill Buchanan!" she said. And no, an American flag did not unfurl behind her.

A little later, Jack called Audrey and told her about the whole Wayne/Evelyn situation. The two deduced that Vice President Gardner was behind everything (they used some basic logic and circumstantial evidence), and then Jack said that he needed Chloe's help with the whole Operation: Get Evelyn's Baby Back (Ribs). Sorry, I couldn't help but indulge my pun impulses. Of course, there was a huge problem with this plan: Chloe had been relieved of her post, thanks to Homeland Security. Aud and Jack needed her back on the team. But how? Time for a little secret scheming!

Well, Audrey walked back into Karen Hayes' office and announced that she would sign the statement after all... on one condition. Chloe O'Brien must be kept on and assigned to her. Miles gave Karen the "I don't trust this bitch. And look at her highlights!" eyes, but after a little hemming and hawing, Karen reluctantly said yes and approved the deal.

Later, we caught up with Henderson who was sitting in some industrial complex with Evelyn's daughter, an eight year old girl of questionable acting talent. The baddie then called up Evie and asked her where she was. "I'm at my car. No one's around," she said. I half expected about three men to jump her at that moment, but shockingly, she really was alone.

Posted by B-side on April 4, 2006 7:21 PM