Despite all the later hullabaloo up in the sky, this week's episode began in the dark, subterranean depths of the CTU bunker. As usual, trouble was afoot. Last week, Miles had sent out a crack team to capture Chloe from Bill Buchanan's house, but Karen had quietly undermined her sidekick by calling Bill and warning him of the imminent danger. You see, after a brief discussion with Shari "Banned from Hillel" Rothenberg, Karen had learned that the President might in fact be behind everything. Now she was eager to get to the bottom of everything, even if it meant circumventing her most loyal gay buddy.

Well, Karen still had Bill on the phone, and he told her that Jack was on a flight that had left out of Van Nuys. Before Mistress Hayes could even register a "Wha-wha-whaa?" Miles barged in, all ready to oversee the tactical team's apprehension of Chloe. Not so fast, buster. Karen told Miles to move into the Situation Room, which was logical, given that this was quite the situation. Anyway, Miles did not seem happy about this -- it's as if she'd just stepped all over his Barbara Streisand collection -- but he obliged anyway. Sorry, Miles. Karen's found a new clique to hang with. You'll have to drink those Caramel Macchiatos alone.

Meanwhile, Bill got off the phone with Karen and told Chloe where she should escape to. Just take the alley behind his house to Ventura Boulevard. Wow. I had no idea Bill was a Valley type. I always pegged him as a Pasadena kind of guy. If you don't know what I'm talking about, don't worry. I'm being obnoxiously insidery to Los Angeles region readers. I apologize.

As Chloe left, she and Bill had some rapid fire exposition. She asked quick questions, he gave quick responses. It sort of felt like a strange version of $25,000 Pyramid. Anyway, Chloe eventually shut the hell up and ran off into the night. Moments later, the Homeland Security goons appeared on the doorstep and rang the doorbell. Bill quickly took off his shirt (sorry, ladies. There was an undershirt) and tried to act like he was all in the middle of just going to sleep, but no one really believed him -- probably because all the lights in his house were on. Anyway, some low-rent Curtis wannabe grilled Bill about Chloe, and then eventually, the whole team entered and poked around. Literally, five seconds later, some guy announced, "She's not here." Hey, why bother checking the basement, right? (Or the second floor. Or the garage. Or any OTHER ROOM IN THE HOUSE). This is why hard perimeters don't work.

Well, Chloe may have been gone, but the Homeland Security jerks knew she had just been there. They got Miles on the phone, and he immediately sassed off to Bill, saying, "Give me O'Brien's location, or I will make it very bad for you." And yes, he meant that in the most sodomizing-y way possible.

Despite Miles's devilish threats, Bill didn't budge, causing Karen to bark, "Set up a grid search for Chloe." Grid search? That's new. But then again, maybe she just made that up. After all, she didn't really want to find Chloe. Karen then told the team to bring in Bill, a move that pissed of Miles. You see, he thought it would be a waste of time and resources when they could be hunting down Chloe instead.

"Why are you bringing him in???" Miles whined. Oh be quiet (Karen and Miles are SO breaking up after this. Their weekend wine club is in for some awkward times...)

Elsewhere, Chloe walked into a random hotel that was surprisingly active, given that whole martial law thing. I guess this place was THE curfew hotspot of Los Angeles. Well, Chloe made her way to the hotel bar, which really should have been closed considering it was after 2 AM, but I guess state liquor laws go out the window during times of crisis. Almost immediately, we knew that some annoying businessman was going to make life miserable for Chloe, and sure enough, within two seconds, we found a drunk sitting at the bar, offending women left and right. This would not be good.

But before any hotel bar antics could get underway, Chloe had business to tend to. She called up her new bestie, Karen, and received a flight manifest for Jack's plane. Oh yeah, and speaking of Jack, he was presently riding in the baggage hold of the plane he had snuck onto, and for whatever reason, he had managed not to turn into a giant popsicle, despite being stuck in the underbelly of an aircraft. Next, we're gonna find Jack flying into space wearing only his Hoodie of Infiltration and a snorkeling mask.

Posted by B-side on May 2, 2006 10:45 AM