Cup That Booty - 
by copygodd
In this show, ten models from the elite Miami-based Irene Marie Agency are put up in two apartments in the heart of South Beach. It's no free ride, however. If the models can't get booked, they can't get paid. And if they can't get paid, they can't pay the rent. And if they can't pay the rent, they have to take a ride on the Next bus, which I happened to catch a few minutes of after watching tonight's premiere. I don't know if any of you have had the misfortune of watching this show, but if I had to describe Next in one word or less, that word would be "assy".
8th and Ocean's opening is narrated by Suzy, a booking agent for Irene Marie. After setting up the premise, Suzy introduces us to our first model: Britt, a sheltered vixen from Kansas City. We know she's sheltered because she admits she was homeschooled, has never been to a club and has never seen someone dance except on TV. Oh, and she's a model with an intact hymen. (Okay, I'm guessing about that part. She could just be a SecondVirginTM.)
That one's going in his "special" collection.
Since tonight's episode is entitled "Sibling Rivalry", I guess it's time to meet the twins, Sabrina and Kelly. They're at a casting call for an eight-page spread in Ocean Drive magazine. I've never been to a casting call, but this one looks pretty much like what I always imagined the casting call for those old Calvin Klein parody porn commercials were like. Kelly comes in, shows her book to the casting agents, strips down to her bikini for a couple of shots, then is sent on her way. Her twin sister Sabrina is in next. Something's wrong with Sabrina, however, as she's not even asked to take off her ironic sweat-suit jacket, let alone strip down to her skivs.
After the twins leave, the casting agents ask Suzy which she thinks would be better for their shoot. Based on personality, Suzy says Kelly will "give it to them more" right now than Sabrina. All of Sabrina's tests have been coming back "dead in the eyes" she says. Maybe Sabrina really is doing porn.
Britt enters the models' apartment for the first time, where she meets Briana, one of her roommates. Briana peppers her with questions about where she's from, how old she is, etc., but she seems more interested in playing with her hair than any of Britt's answers. Kelly and Sabrina show up and ask Britt the same questions. There's a really awkward silence when Britt tells the twins she's from Kansas City, which she tries to fill by asking if they're twins. Models are so silly. Briana asks how their casting call went. "We didn't get it because we're too pretty," explains Kelly. "They wanted average-looking people." Damb. Why didn't anyone call me or EdHill? Britt asks about the guys' apartment, which gives us a good segue to meet the male models.
In Asslandia, all cups runneth over with bootay.
Vinci, Teddy, Adrian and Sean are sitting in the apartment sharing a Metamucil pizza. Adrian's talking about going out later that night. He wants to go somewhere where there's "anus everywhere, nice bootay…" He promises to call Sean once he's reached the mythical land of Asslandia. Teddy asks Adrian if he's so into the bootay, why was he home last night when the other guys were out. Adrian blames it on Sean, saying he doesn't know how to use a phone. Since Sean's a model, I'm inclined to believe this. However, Sean says it was because when he's surrounded by beautiful women, another dude is the last thing on his mind. How pretty he is in comparison to other dudes, maybe. But just another dude? Never.
It's time to go out. One of the mimbos says it's a well-known fact that if you go to a club with girls, you attract girls, so they're going to get the girls. That's funny, because whenever I go to a club with mrs. copygodd, she seems to attract way more attention than I do. Although I do get more stares.
"Don't tell me the bandanna isn't coming back!"
Sabrina and Kelly are fighting about the clothes they're going to wear tonight. Kelly doesn't like Sabrina's shirt, and Sabrina doesn't like Kelly's bandanna. At least they're not wearing matching clothes like most twins do. Britt decides to stay home, which will probably be happening a lot this season. Especially after seeing the previews where she tells people that Jesus is her husband. I imagine that's a real buzz-kill for anyone trying to pick her up. "I'm sorry, I'm married." "Oh really, where's your husband?" "Sitting at the right hand of God."
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