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Back at the apartment, Britt is sitting poolside, admiring Jesus' boobs. Teddy soon joins her. Britt can't believe Teddy just got out of bed, as it's 2:20 in the afternoon. Teddy says he didn't go out last night, he just didn't want to get out of bed this morning. A model's life is hard. When asked about her plans for the evening, Britt says it's a girl's night out, which doesn't make Teddy happy. He thinks partying is a good way to bond. When everyone's drinking and loose and laid back, that's when he's made some of his best friends. Britt disagrees, but says all the girls are curious about Teddy and why he's so quiet, so maybe he can go with them tonight. Evidently Britt must think Teddy is too boring as well, as she gets up and walks into the pool, leaving Teddy alone with his cigarette. His cigarette and a dream.

That night, the girls are doing each other's hair and talking about Teddy. Briana says Teddy's cool, and he can hang with them if he wants. Kelly talks about how nervous Teddy was about kissing her at their Ocean Drive shoot a while back. He even told Kelly he hasn't kissed many girls. "He's just shy." Sabrina says that with his good looks, Teddy could be really cocky and arrogant, but he's not. "He's got a good package," she concludes, telling Britt to just "let it roll." A minute later, Talesha says Sabrina didn't mean that package, and all the girls share a laugh at the expense of Teddy's package. Heheh. I just said "package" twice in the same sentence.

The next day, it's time for some more drama, as Allee calls the girls' apartment and sends Britt, Briana and Kelly to a "skin and beauty" casting with French Vogue. We know there's going to be trouble when Allee, 1) doesn't invite Sabrina, because of her skin, and 2) tells the girls the photographer they're meeting is "a bit odd". In my business, I've worked with several photographers over the years. And they're all more than a bit odd. Saying a photographer is a "bit odd" is like saying I'm a "bit bitter." So of course I can't wait to see the nutjob they'll be meeting.

Sabrina's feelings are hurt by Allee's snub, and she can't believe Kelly got asked and not her, just because of her skin. Hello, it's a "skin and beauty" casting, not tryouts for the role of Alli, the Alligator-Faced Girl. In the best passive-aggressive move of the night, Kelly tells Sabrina to attend the session anyway. "Oh I will," snaps Sabrina. "They're not going to tell me I can't do these things." Yeah, Sabrina, who do they think they are, your BOSSES?

The girls show up at the casting, and Allee was right. This guy is a nutjob. It doesn't help that he looks like the love child of Sideshow Bob and Justin Guarini, but then he asks the girls a string of seemingly random questions that make me feel more than a little ashamed of my gender. To Kelly: "Do you speak English? Can you swim? Underwater? What drives the boys wild about you?" Kelly tells him she doesn't know, maybe that she's a good girl? "Yeah, maybe that's what they like," Sideshow Justin says, before asking his assistant for some lotion and a couple tissues. To Sabrina: "Are you friends? Twins? Who's the smarter one? What's the wildest thing you ever did? Do you two photograph one another? You're twins, huh? I'm gonna have to write that down," before requesting a pair of salad tongs, a mincemeat pie, a shammy and a mop. Needless to say, the girls quickly got the fuck out of Dodge.

Back at the office, Allee tells Suzy that Sabrina went to the casting, which really pisses Suzy off. While the girls are at lunch, Suzy calls and lays into Sabrina about her zittle escapade. Evidently, this casting only happens four times a year, and the next time all the photographer will remember about Sabrina is how messed up her skin was today, and won't book her. I can't believe a fashion photographer would be so shallow. Sabrina throws the phone down, starts crying and runs to the bathroom, with Kelly right behind her. Meanwhile, Suzy is still on the phone, and you can hear her tinny phone voice asking "Hello? Hello?" while Briana and Britt just stare at each other. Suzy tells Allee it must be a mistake, that Sabrina would never just blow her off like that, so she hangs up and calls back. This time Briana answers the phone, which totally throws Suzy off her game; she actually asks if she called Briana by mistake. Briana says no, that she just answered Sabrina's phone because Sabrina's in the bathroom crying like a little bitch.

While the camera doesn't take us into the bathroom, we do get subtitles of the twins' conversation. Sabrina says her skin is just as good as Kelly's. Kelly's response? "We're not the same, you know? Get it straight. Literally." Then she storms out of the bathroom and heads back to the table, leaving her twin sobbing in a public toilet. Yeah, this is going to do wonders for Sabrina's self-esteem. Because if there's anything more humiliating than having your twin rip into you on basic cable, it's having your twin rip into you in a public restroom on basic cable. I kept expecting to see Sideshow Justin to be hanging around the door, waiting for the girls to come out. "Do you like scat-play? Can I pull your finger? Do I have poop in my teeth?"

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Posted by copygodd on March 23, 2006 12:45 PM