Hungary For More - 
by B-side
Last week, Jonathan Baker lit up the internet after he shoved his wife Victoria on national television. Websites such as this one were (and continue to be) full of angry viewers who wanted some sort of repercussion to this behavior, and we're proud to say that on last night's Amazing Race, the producers took Jonathan aside, gave him a stern talk, and then ultimately removed him from the competition. And by "stern talk" and "removed him", I mean they quietly stood in the corner and whispered "Ratings gold mine!" to each other.
Yes, Jonathan and Victoria were back for another rousing episode of The Amazing Race with nary a reprimand nor a contemplative moment from the producers. Heck, we would have settled for a public service announcement from Tina Turner. But no. There was a race to be had, not a social issue to be discussed.
Freddy and Kendra kicked off this leg of the race by sprinting to Checkpoint Charlie at the Berlin Wall. Kendra engaged in some casual whining, insisting that they return to the hotel for "research". Unfortunately for Freddy, this was not some euphemism for sex.
Victoria meanwhile popped up to reacquaint us with her patented style of punchbag love. "I don't like anyone screaming at me, but that's just Jon," she rationalized. She then added "I don't like when people slap me upside the head with a glass tumbler, but hey, that's just Jon too. And I'm powerless to leave the situation because I've been told that I am nothing without him. I just have to assume he's correct! Tee-hee!" I personally don't like douchebags, but hey, that's just Jon too.
While Victoria convinced herself that everything was her fault, the much saner duo of Gus and Hera explained their philosophy: "Rushing for rushing's sake never seems to do much," Gus said. He and Hera then proceeded to perambulate slowly across the city, pausing to window shop, paint landscapes, and occasionally nap. Eventually the two arrived at Checkpoint Charlie where Gus launched into a history of the location. "You know, during the war..." Gus started. I don't remember what else he said since I was already ASLEEP.
Meanwhile, gender bending team Rebecca and Adam bounded out of the gate, but after last week's sexually charged sausage mission, things had changed for these two. "My opinion of Adam has changed," Rebecca said. "He's just stubborn and spoiled." And GAY. Cut to Adam swishing across Germany, desperately hoping Checkpoint Charlie was a leather bar.
Teams learned that their next destination would be the Olympic Stadium in Berlin. "Triumph of the Will" reenactment anyone? Luckily that was not on the docket, but everyone goose stepped, er, ran to the stadium anyway. Hayden opted to lunge into traffic, nearly turning to roadkill in the process. Amazingly, Aaron did not let out one of his ColinLite rants by saying something like "watch where you're walking. you're so STUPID. STUPID STUPID STUPID!!!!"
Doing a less impressive job of rage control was Victoria, who felt the need to redirect Jonathan's rage onto a hapless cabbie. "It's a green light! Go!" she yelled as they sat at a, um, red light. When the driver mentioned that they were in fact not at a green light, Victoria slunk back into her seat with a defeated "Okay..." Who would have thought Victoria would be able to bend reality in order to justify her actions? Anyway, Jon and the cabbie both sucker punched Victoria and moved on.
Freddie and Kendra were first to arrive at the stadium where they signed up for some activity on a board. Surprise, surprise — Kendra whined that they should go research somewhere. What did she want to research? Stuff? Just research in general? I half expected her to boast "I have a masters in research. It's my lifeblood. Now let's pick a random page out of an encyclopedia and research!" Unfortunately for her, she turned to the page on Senegal.
Teams eventually filtered into the stadium, with each one signing in. Jon was kind enough to scrawl only "Jonathan Baker" on the board in a delightfully self-absorbed moment. Now either he had replaced Victoria with a wayward baker, or he once again had designated her as his packhorse, not even worthy of a mention on the signup board. Well, the latter was true, and while the other teams quietly made fun of them and suggested counseling, Jon and Victoria had it out again in the back of a cab. "When are you going to carry your own weight?" he asked/screamed. He then added "Remember the last leg when you carried my bag and I carried nothing? Yeah, that was great."
Anyway, all the teams eventually signed in on the wettest board ever (could they have put it under an overhang?) and the next morning were introduced to their next task: "Hot Rocket Bungee." Upon hearing the name of this Roadblock, Adam immediately asked "Oh, is that where you like bend over, put tabasco sauce in your butt and then--" at which point everyone started yelling "La la la la la." In his defense, Adam did say "What? I've never actually DONE that. I've only heard about it. And, you know, seen it in movies and magazines. And well, okay, there was this one time - or actually it was twice a week - Paul and I..." Earmuffs.
Turns out the Hot Rocket Bungee was simply a slingshot type bungee event, not anything vaguely sexual — at least not that I know of. All the girls jumped at the opportunity to do it. All the girls and Adam, that is. Rebecca wasn't about to let that happen though as she quickly pulled rank: "You're not doing this, pussy boy." She then gave Adam a wedgie and, of course, a swirly.
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