Memo To Freddy: Soup Tastes Better Without Your Vomit In It - 
by B-side
When we last left our intrepid teams on The Amazing Race, everyone was piling into an internet café in Budapest while wrestlers Lori and Bolo nestled in for a long night in a rural Hungarian train station. What pray tell would happen?? Well, if you answered "The show would turn into an informercial for AOL," you were correct! Yes, inside that little internet cafe Phil Koegan appeared to teams in the form of a Quicktime movie (very Princess Leia hologram) and informed us that "teams must log on to America Online by using a wireless Intel Centrino laptop." Thanks Phil. For a moment I thought they'd have to log on using a pineapple. Phil went on to explain "Teams then had to sit in a chair, a common device used to alleviate stress on the legs, the traditional limbs used for standing in the human race." After Phil's generous AOL plug, the show moved on to the next - oh, wait - the AOL lovemaking session wasn't over. Jonathan: "Logging onto AOL is like communicating with my best friend" (his best friend is an ISP, apparently). Okay, well, I'm sure that was it for the AOL product placement. But no. Here's a summary of the next minute of the show: AOL is awesome. AOL can do everything. AOL's going to be my best man. AOL is friends with Sharon Stone. Must... purchase... AOL... Eventually, the cyber madness stopped and the show lurched forward to the next clue which directed teams to a rail museum that wouldn't open until 10 AM the next morning. Hmmm... I wonder how those wrestlers are doing?
Funny I should mention them. Turns out that whole thing about no trains leaving until seven in the morning was sort of, well, wrong. And just like that, two weeks of suspense was dispelled as Lori and Bolo clamored onto an early morning train and headed to Budapest. Not all was well in wrestler-land though. Lori balked at the mediocre decor, asking "This is the train?" Apparently she was expecting a lavish dining car with waiters who juggle Fabergé eggs and reenact Agatha Christie scenes.
Back at the internet café, people were still splooging about how wonderful and easy it was to get online. Well, everyone except Adam who seemed to be frustrated by the entire experience. Apparently the producers had blocked out leatherfetishboys.com. Oh, and before I get attacked with more accusations of homophobia, please remember that what I wrote was a JOKE dammit. So sensitive these people are.
With nothing to do except kill some time, the various teams ambled through the scenic city, an experience that summoned deep emotions in Kris. "All this gothic architecture. It just feels so... so... so..." Gothic? Hungarian? Spit it out! Yes, once again, Kris and Jon managed to find beauty in the experience as they cooed "This is so amazing!" If only there were some way to document the entire trip. You know, all edited together to make it exciting and stuff! That would be rad!
Also out for a stroll were Adam and Rebecca, but while she wanted to tag along with Kris, Jon, Hayden, and Aaron, Adam wanted to have some quiet, romantic alone time. Well, they had alone time, but it wasn't very romantic. I guess when Rebecca said "I don't want to date you," that whole chemistry thing went out the window. In an interview, Rebecca explained her actions by saying "I look at Kris and Jon and Hayden and Aaron and it seems so much healthier." Look, just because both members of each couple are heterosexual doesn't mean that it's "healthy." God, she's such a homophobe.
As dawn approached, the wrestlers finally stepped off their hellish train (and by "hellish", I mean "rather clean and quiet") and received their clue. A closeup on their wireless Intel Centrino laptop (with AOL broadband service, natch!) revealed their AOL username: Lorbolar6. Heh. Time to cyberstalk the wrestlers! Oh wait. LorBolAR6. AR6. It's just a name created for the show. Blast! Well, time to strike up the Tivo and see if we can catch any of the other team names. Rewind to Hayden and Aaron and oh, we gotta closeup! And their screenname is... Lorbolar6? Either the producers recycled a shot or... they read Lori and Bolo's mail! DAMN THEM!!! Penalize, Phil! Penalize!
Well, after reading their clue, Lori and Bolo simply headed to the next spot and waited for the doors to open while the other teams slept in a hotel. Eventually everyone woke up and headed over. Jonathan and Victoria took a cab, which resulted in our resident dickwad gesticulating like mad and flailing his hands all over the place. The cabbie said he could speak English, not sign language. Die Jonathan.
Teams eventually encountered Lori and Bolo, causing detective Rebecca to ask "You guys went to the internet café?" No. They decided to randomly find a bench in Hungary to sleep on and this one just happened to be at the clue.
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