The Runs - 
by B-side
So the big question of this week was "Can The Amazing Race still be entertaining without Jonathan and Victoria?" I think the overwhelming answer to that is yes. Yes it can. Is it actually more entertaining with them gone? Well, it's hard to say. To be honest, I vaguely wanted to see them maneuver an elephant or climb a palm tree, but I tend to think we were better off having put them to pasture in the reality graveyard. Of course, without the terrible twosome on the race, we now had to change our outlook from rooting against a team to rooting for a team. Easier said than done. Every season I seem to face a reality TV version of Sophie's Choice as I try to weigh which team I could possibly spare at the end of each episode. This time around, however, I've only formed fleeting attachments to the racers, with most of my favorites already junked in the loser bin. I guess there's always Kris and Jon, the peppiest couple since Jon Vito and Jill, but considering that last night's episode presented us with the final five teams, I found myself alarmingly apathetic about which duo might be eliminated. That's okay though. As long Lori and Bolo are around, I'll be happy...
The show began on a grim note as Phil told us that this episode was filmed in Sri Lanka months before the deadly tsunamis. Therefore, the next hour was dedicated to the victims of the disaster and their families. Hmmm... can't be snarky about that. Luckily, Amazing Race remembered it was a reality show and quickly cut to footage of Jonathan and Victoria freaking out at the mud huts last week. Phew. I thought we were gonna get all serious and tsunami-telethon-ish for a moment.
After the credits rolled, we began the race in earnest with Phil asking his usual provocative questions. This time he was curious to know if Adam and Rebecca will be able to mend or will their fiery relationship cause them to lose. As Rebecca would say, "So many questions..." Anyway, teams learned they had to head to Lalibella airport and take a charter plane back to Addis Ababa where they'd find they're next clue. Bolo once again proved that he was not, in fact, hooked on phonics as he pronounced "Lalibella" like "Labia" and "Addis" like "Adidas." He then turned to Lori and said "Okay, so we're looking for a giant vagina and a sneaker shop. Let's go!"
Fresh off proclaiming how Ethiopia has a cute and special poverty, Kendra began this leg of the race with that trademark of Third World ailments: nausea. Gone were her precious memories of the local village children as she seethed, "It was the Ethiopian food!" I half expected to see her in some old courtroom drama where a prosecutor asks "Would you please tell the court who upset your stomach?" and then Kendra points to a pile of Ethiopian food and yells "It was he! It was he!" Nevertheless, Kendra found a shabby little bathroom in the Labia Airport — I mean Lalibella (damn you, Bolo!) — and puked her heart out. Amazingly, Freddy did not chime in to say "You'd be surprised at how good that stuff tastes."
In Addis Ababa, teams had to make their way over to a stadium where they would run a 4 x 4 relay race with some locals for the next clue. Bolo and Lori arrived first at the track and immediately took flight. Now if there's anything funnier than watching Bolo trying to pronounce things, it's watching Bolo running. The man is like a giant windup toy - limbs flailing, legs chugging, but still not going very fast. What Bolo lacks in speed though, he makes up for in motivational heft. "Run like the cops are chasing you!" he encouraged the Ethiopian track stars. Yeah, a white man telling the black kids to run from the cops. Had this been L.A., Bolo might have been running too. Lori meanwhile had her own unique motivation: she had to pee. I feared that her lap would be marred by some ungainly bladder incident, ultimately ending with her patented scowl of "BOLO!!!" Luckily, Lori kept it all in. Good girl!
Hayden arrived at the stadium boasting about her past life as a track star. The relay was her event in college, she explained. Apparently she meant the "awkward relay" as moments later she became the first woman ever to run the 400m in capri pants. At least she fared better than Kendra who arrived at the stadium still suffering from gastro-intestinal malaise. Oh how I would have enjoyed seeing her vomit right there on the track. Alas, she and Freddy powered through without incident. And by the way, what was up with Freddy's random poncho? Was he hoping to harvest some coffee beans while in Ethiopia? Actually, possibly the most awkward sight was Adam as he ran/waddled his lap. He kind of looked like a bowlegged cowboy suffering from hemorrhoids. Just trust me. It was awkward.
Anyway, next stop on the Amazing Race was Sri Lanka. Cut to Phil waving his hands and yelling "We didn't know there'd be tsunamis! We swear!" Teams had to fly to Colombo, ride a train, and find a tuk tuk — a little motorcycle-ish vehicle which joins Hungary's Trabant in this season's Small Cute Car department. Rumor has it that next week teams will drive Volkswagen Beetles while holding puppies and kittens.
Bolo and Lori arrived at Addis Ababa airport and asked for tickets to, and I kid you not, "Sari Kelanka". Oh Bolo. Poor, poor Bolo. Will you ever learn the finer nuances of our language (or "lane-gwagg-ee" as you say)? I'm surprised he can pronounce his own last name: Dar'tainian. You know he probably introduces himself as "Bolo Dar-apostrophe-ketain-ain-ian".
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