As usual, the show began with a little introduction to the Pitstop. In this case, Phil announced "This is Sri Lanka." Damn him! Has he no sensitivity?? That country's name is not to be uttered without a disclaimer! Anyway, the producers afforded us a lovely pre-tsunami montage of Sri Lanka where apparently the latest craze is hurling yourself off a cliff and into water several hundred feet below. I suppose this is called "diving", whatever that is.

Kris and Jon were first to depart the WASPy comfort of Phil's Pitstop as they set out for Yu Yuan Gardens. Huh? Is that the little Chinese place in Manhasset next to Lohman's? Because if it is, do NOT get the Egg Foo Yung. Actually, Yu Yuan Gardens was not a Chinese restaurant in Long Island. Turns out they were real gardens in Shanghai, China. Yup, it was time to skip to another country, or "not America" as Kendra might be apt to call it. "Guess we're going to the airport!" Rebecca surmised. I think that's a safe assumption to make. Unless, of course, you want to try your luck at the paddleboat docks. Nevertheless, Rebecker was in a jolly mood as she joked, "I wanted to go there [Shanghai] since I saw Madonna and Sean Penn in Shanghai Surprise." Adam giggled, happily adding, "That's funny to me on so many levels... well, mainly just a gay level."

Having less of a jocular time were Freddy and Kendra who seemed to be traveling in an oversized coffin. These two are such dullards. Kendra just yammers on while Freddy explores new depths of humorlessness. Then again, maybe Freddy's just pre-occupied with his personal inventory: Poncho? Check. Buddy Holly glasses? Check. Falling gates? Negatory. Proceed.

Blandness be damned, the models arrived at the airport and flew, along with the other teams, to Shanghai on Dragonair. Kendra later complained that the flight did not include any dragons or "creatures of dragon-likeness" such as Gila Monsters or iguanas. She therefore deemed the airline "ghetto" and "not like eating a croissant in Paris." Okay, she said absolutely none of that, but I'm sure she complained about something. Unless they showed "Little Black Book" as the inflight entertainment. You know she LOVED that.

Once in China, teams struggled to find cabs. Everyone (ahem, Adam, ahem, Hayden) acted as if it were the locals' fault for not catering to the lost, obnoxious Americans, but leave it to Kris to explain sweetly that it wasn't the cabs' fault the racers don't speak the native language. She then smiled for the camera, her teeth sparkling with a Ding! Seriously, Kris and Jon are like the best people ever. Less agreeable were Freddy and Hayden. Nothing new there. Freddy drawled on and on about Rebecca and Adam, saying she seems to always latch on to another team. I think he was trying to insult them, but his "Gosh, gee willikers!" inflection had me wondering if he was just babbling about Mayberry. Hayden, on the other hand, was blatantly cranky as she scolded Aaron for their cabby's fare. If the team ran out of cash, "I have to ask for money!" Hayden complained, adding "I didn't get these breasts for attention! Oh wait..."

Eventually all the cabs deposited the teams near the gates of the Yu Yuan Gardens. Confused exploration ensued. Kris called the neighborhood the "Harlem of Shanghai" while Kendra bravely marched on, suggesting "Let's go down the ghetto street." Which was her way of saying "Let's go down ANY street". After a bit of "Huh? Where?" and aimless wandering, the teams all reached the Gardens, and wouldn't you know it? The darned place didn't open up until sometime in the morning. Surprise surprise. There have got to be more twenty four hour landmarks in this world.

Anyway, the next morning, teams ran frantically around the Gardens until they found the next clue which sent everyone to a skyscraper. Once again, teams had difficultly hailing cabs, leading social commentator Kendra to ask "They won't stop because we're American?" Later she asked if the cabs were discriminating. Rebecca chimed in as well, saying that there must be some reason why the empty cabs were passing them by. Um, they do realize they're in a communist country, right? Americans haven't always had such, uh, pleasant relations with commies. Still, the teams were not happy with the service. I nearly expected Kendra to scoff "Gosh, it's not like we crashed a spy plane into the country or anything!"

Posted by B-side on February 2, 2005 3:26 AM