Like any minor Amazing Race obstacle, however, this predicament was soon resolved with the help of some quick editing. Cut to everyone in their cabs and then Freddy and Kendra arriving at the next clue. "This is not it. Oh yes it is," Kendra said, overriding her personal Auto-Complain functions. While Kris and Jon sat in dense traffic, the other teams came across this leg's Roadblock which involved washing windows atop a skyscraper. I have to admit, this was a pretty daunting challenge, and while the Roadblock proved to be fairly exciting, the best part of it was watching Phil explain the rules as he stood tethered to the tall building's roof. I really enjoyed the implication that a) Phil might just blow away into the Shanghai afternoon sky; or b) Phil needed a restraint, lest he go crazy and attack any brave soul endeavoring to invade his rooftop domain.

Well, the models arrived first, and - oh by the way - there was a Yield at the Roadblock. Hmmm... who could Freddy and Kendra possibly want to Yield? Perhaps Rebecca and Adam, the illogical couple that idiotically Yielded the models previously? Why yes! Revenge is a dish best served cold! Or at least with a corny photo and an hour glass. Hayden, by the way, had a rare moment of Nelson Muntz glee as she cackled "Ha ha" at Rebecca and Adam's picture on the Yield. However, her happiness was short lived as cartoonish paranoia seized her. "Adam's coming right now, and I'm hiding behind the palm tree," she whispered into her microphone. Moments later, she fled from her leafy hideaway, perhaps to spy from behind a George Washington portrait or maybe to blend in as a storefront mannequin.

SUPER SLEUTH!

Amazingly (Racing-ly), Kris and Jon arrived at the Roadblock last after their slow taxi finally meandered its way to the clue box. Shanghai: tearing down Asian driving stereotypes left and right. "Dude, you suck!" snipped Kris as the couple left their cab. Wow, she got mad! Could this have been the death knell for Team Smiley? Perhaps. But of course two seconds later, Jon snuck a kiss to his lovey before the Roadblock, saying "Good luck. Have fun." Somewhere that moment was broadcast on a jumbo-tron, and twenty thousand people said "Awww..." together. Now repeat after me: "Every Kiss Begins with Kay."

After teams finished the Roadblock, they were instructed to search "The Bun" for a group of old people doing Tai Chi (bonus points for finding Pat Morita or Ralph Macchio). Everyone seemed quite excited for this new task, especially Adam who claimed he knew his way around The Bun quite well. (By the way, if this location is not called "The Bun" just pretend it is, otherwise I have to rewrite that last joke). Not much drama happened in this little task, but the models did manage to baffle me again with more odd customs. As Freddy took a clue from a Tai Chi master, he sort of nestled his head in the old man's shoulder. What was that? He did the same thing two weeks ago in that underground church. I guess it's his way of showing respect to spiritual people, but I personally find the use of feline cuddling techniques to be rather bizarre. It should be noted though that moments later, Freddy became distracted with a wayward piece of yarn which he pounced and chewed on for the next five minutes.

Anyway, teams then zipped off to the next clue which was (cue the hand bugle) the Detour! Bricks or Ice. Teams could carry and then stack 300 bricks on a palette, or they could tote some ice blocks to a tiny marketplace. Both challenges were interesting to me, but sadly, no one chose the ice. "If your gut says bricks, we'll do bricks," said Hayden to Aaron in one of her signature passive aggressive moments. Translation: "I'll defer to you on this one, and if we lose ground, I'll liberally lambast you and possibly withhold sexual favors." Yay teamwork!

Of course, those bricks were heavy, especially for Hayden who quickly knocked 15 years off her knees' life span. As to be expected, she complained and scowled and neighed her way through the challenge, much to the delight of some local Asians who weren't shy about pointing and laughing. Hayden: China's new "Showtime at the Apollo". No brick-stacking mission would be complete without some old fashioned counting, and for a moment I feared the ghost of Bolo would surface as teams tried to tally up their totals. 68... 69... 80... Eventually, Hayden and Aaron finished with the models not far behind. The two teams raced to the next Pitstop, located atop the Peace Hotel a few miles away. Hayden and Aaron arrived first (again — they seem to alternate with Kris and Jon), and Freddy and Kendra placed second. Phil greeted them along with his local sidekick du jour who said "Welcome to Shanghai." Kendra, ready to have some coffee talk, immediately responded with "Thank you. It's so beautiful!" Now, I don't disagree, but why would Kendra ever say that to this woman? It's not like the lady MADE Shanghai. At least not in this lifetime —  Eastern religions in the HIZZOUSE!

Posted by B-side on February 2, 2005 3:26 AM