Racers Head to China, Are Hungry Twenty Minutes Later - 
by B-side
So what about Kris, Jon, Adam, and Rebecca? Well, let's just say there was a little drama. Adam and Rebecca reached the Detour late due to their Yield incident (which by the way resulted in many, many diva fits from resident "Nancy boy" Adam). Luckily for them, Kris and Jon encountered their first truly bad run of luck with yet ANOTHER crappy taxi. This time, the ever-happy duo nearly lost it, nay, they DID lose it as Jon forced the driver to stop by opening his door mid-ride. "Hey homes," Jon said, trying to communicate with the cabbie. Unfortunately, the driver was unable to understand this American slang. I'm not really sure why, but maybe it had something to do with the fact that he was a Chinese man living in China who could only speak Chinese. Nevertheless, when the taxi finally did drop the sweet natured team off at the Detour, Jon shocked viewers nationwide by extending his money-filled hand to the driver and then opening it up to reveal... nothing! Oooh! A cab fare fakeout from the most unlikely of places! Of course, even the jilted cabbie fell for the sugary sweet team as he didn't even bother to chase them down for payment. Later the driver simply turned to the camera and said "They're just so nice!"
Even though Kris and Jon faced an enormous setback with their cab, the always reliable Adam proved to be a whiny bitch when it came time for brick stacking. Rebecca, attempting a crazy new technique called "positive encouragement", kept saying things like "Good job, babe," or "You're doing really well, babe." With fingers snapping and palms flapping, Adam hissed and demanded that Rebecca stop calling him "Babe" (unless of course it was in reference to Cher's body of work, with an emphasis on "Believe"). Nevertheless, Rebecca momentarily revised her pet name for Adam, as she sneered "All right, ass." Amazingly, he replied "Better. I prefer that." Oh, so many easy jokes...
Ultimately, Kris and Jon left the Detour first, and after a hairy game of real life Frogger, the two managed to check in with Phil third. Phew! Of course, considering this was the penultimate episode, we all knew tonight would be the final non-elimination round, and wouldn't you know it, we were right! But why place a Yield on a non-elimination round? Never mind. Rebecca and Adam arrived last, and as per the rules, they surrendered all their money. For some reason, Phil took some perverse joy in this, noting that in this country, they'd be facing a giant setback. He kept mentioning it, maybe to get a rise out of them, and at one point, I expected him to say "You'll have no money. None at all. By the way, did I mention you'll have no money? Oh, and funny story. I was eating lunch earlier today and the waiter came up to me and said you'll have no money. Sucks, huh? Okay okay. I'll give you a little bit of money. I have it right here in my hand and... psych! I learned that from Jon. Seriously, you guys are losers."
Will Adam and Rebecker — I mean, Rebecca — dig their way out of last place? Will the models finally bite it after the season finale's first hour? Will next season's cast be at least slightly more interesting?
So many questions...
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Comments
Funny as always.
It is called a PALLET, not a palette.
Why do cabs in China run empty during rush hour?? A bizarre Chinese custom, I guess.
Posted by: marc rice | February 2, 2005 6:18 AM(#1 of 35)
haha! i loved phildeath, easily one of the funniest observations youve ever made b side lol
Posted by: empty | February 2, 2005 6:29 AM(#2 of 35)
Nice review B-Side, hilarious as usual.
I was hoping you'd mention Freddy's forehead rubbing scene. You took it one step further and included a picture. Awesome. It was funny how in the following scene the Tai-Chi Master disgustedly wipes away Freddy's sweat from his silk white robes. Out Damned Spot!
Posted by: ChristianV | February 2, 2005 6:29 AM(#3 of 35)
Actually, the Riverfront in Shanghai is called the "Bund", not the Bun. It does kind of kill the joke, though.
I've actually been on the roof of that hotel where the Pit Stop was located. Pretty cool.
Posted by: Tim | February 2, 2005 6:34 AM(#4 of 35)
Nice recap B-Side. I hope you Tivoed it -- go back and check out Phil walking up the street in front of a couple of Chinese women (in the last half hour, he's explaining the next clue). And watch the Chinese woman very deliberately check out his ass as he walks by. It was the most entertainment part of the whole show for me.
Posted by: TexasK | February 2, 2005 6:39 AM(#5 of 35)
That picture makes it look like Phil slipped some boybriefs on over his khaki's. I have hence made it my new wallpaper.
Great recap. Can't believe my life as I know it will be over next Tuesday!
Posted by: Michelle | February 2, 2005 6:40 AM(#6 of 35)
Chinese cabs are "empty" at rush hour because they're all "radio cabs" that are assigned to pick up specific people during rush hour. They're all accounted for and hence why they're zipping past seemingly empty. It'd be like flagging down a limo on the red carpet at the Oscars.
That's also why they had no problems getting a cab during the afternoon, before evening rush. Had they CALLED a cab, or had someone else phone one in for them they would have had prompt service.
They were essentially, ahem, "Shanghai'ing" those cabs that morning. Those drivers could/would have been fired if caught.
Also... the problem with navigating around Shanghai? There are literally no street names. They're NOT named. The streets grew around the city before street names were invented. I kid you not. The "best" directions you can give are to neighborhoods, landmarks... famous areas. When K&J were trying to give a "street address" to the cabbie it's no surprize that he had no idea where the hell it was... I'm certain the producers knew that'd be a nonsense idea in Shanghai. Imagine trying to navigate with a cabbie in New York by giving him a zip code.
Posted by: Elvis | February 2, 2005 6:52 AM(#7 of 35)
Oh I am in pain from laughing so hard and from stifiling that laughter so nobody around me doesn't think I'm a nutcase.
Loved the paargraph about Hayden and her dectective work. And you included caps! I burst out into heavy laughterwith those.
Great job, I'm going to miss this recaps after next week.
Posted by: Pat | February 2, 2005 7:14 AM(#8 of 35)
"is that the little Chinese place in Manhasset next to Lohman's" - loves it!
Posted by: Melis | February 2, 2005 8:02 AM(#9 of 35)
Thought you might like that, Melis.
Thank you everyone for the compliments...
Posted by: B-Side | February 2, 2005 8:22 AM(#10 of 35)
As always THANKS! I have been missing the show over the last couple of weeks (daughter's basketball team scheduling games on Tuesdays - what were those HS Athletic Directors thinking?!) and getting up the next morning to read your recap (with screencaps too!) is truly helpful. I feel I did not miss anything by watching it first hand.
Posted by: CaliGirlinGA | February 2, 2005 8:48 AM(#11 of 35)
b-side, what other shows are you going to recap after next tuesday's season finale? i have to have something to occupy my time until TAR 7 starts in march!
just a side note - did anyone notice that phil's white pants in the beginning of the episode were a bit, a-hem... tight?
Posted by: snazzybangs | February 2, 2005 9:18 AM(#12 of 35)
Snazzy: Phil's pants? I caught it, my GF didn't. I said to her, "Well, now we know Phil 'dresses to the right' don't we?" Glad someone else caught it.
Also, I forgot to explicitly "prop" B-side for the recap. Excellent job. And, yeah, what comes after TAR6?
Posted by: Elvis | February 2, 2005 9:46 AM(#13 of 35)
i would have thought the telephone sticker on the cabs, that the camera conveniently provided a close-up of, would have been a clear hint to the racers.
shhhhhhh ... don't tell kendra but the shanghainese planned this whole thing just to make her look sillier. the logistics of their plan must have been a nightmare to sort out.
Posted by: yvonne | February 2, 2005 9:51 AM(#14 of 35)
I think John did pay for his cab. The producers slo-mo'd that moment, and you can see crumpled bills flying from his hand into the cab's window. the cabbie then looks down on his seat for the money. Or was I seeing things?
Posted by: juk | February 2, 2005 9:54 AM(#15 of 35)
all i can say is FINALLY a non-elimination round pays off! adam and rebecker will not have any $$ and will have to beg in a country with a completely different language--no tonal similarities at all! yeah, the poor communists giving the americans money. adam and rebecker will have a china mans chance in hell of getting enough money.
Posted by: jash | February 2, 2005 12:26 PM(#16 of 35)
Great B-Side!
Phil's been demonstrating his dressing to the right through out the whole season. Maybe he's not wearing that tight of pants, I think he may just be hung like a horse and doesn't wear any underwear! Where's your underwear maaaaannnn!?!?!
Posted by: Tony B! | February 2, 2005 12:43 PM(#17 of 35)
Great as per us-u-al, B-Side. Did anyone else notice what grinny/cheesy camera-whores the Shanghai-enas were (no disrespect intended to my Shanghai brothers and sisters, of which I have none)?? Especially those Tai Chi-ers. It seemed like they were all thrilled to have their big moment of fame. I'm sure when the show aired, they gathered their entire village around the TV and had a big party, just to hear them say "No clue. Hee-hee." (Again, no disrepect to my Shanghai-enan brothers and sisters, of which I have none.) Even the Hi-enas milling about on the streets were all gawking into the cameras.
Posted by: mkognito | February 2, 2005 1:30 PM(#18 of 35)
Yep Jak, you were seeing things. He didn't give the guy any money. I felt so bad, he drove them, he just didn't understand english.
Still hate Hayden.
Hope the sweet couple make it.
And damn, I missed the chick checking out Phils butt & his tight pants...DANG!
Posted by: Genevieve | February 2, 2005 2:18 PM(#19 of 35)
Yep Jak, you were seeing things. He didn't give the guy any money. I felt so bad, he drove them, he just didn't understand english.
Still hate Hayden.
Hope the sweet couple make it.
And damn, I missed the chick checking out Phils butt & his tight pants...DANG!
Oh, and thanks for the info Elvis, that was interesting.
Posted by: Genevieve | February 2, 2005 2:19 PM(#20 of 35)
Oh, and thanks for the info Elvis, that was interesting.
Posted by: Genevieve | February 2, 2005 2:24 PM(#21 of 35)
I disagree with Genvieve, I'm pretty positive Jon threw the money into the window... Did anyone else gasp when Kris and Jon almost because chinese roadkill at the end there? I'm sure their camera man peed a little...
Posted by: smithie | February 2, 2005 2:53 PM(#22 of 35)
Yeah, it appeared to me that Jon threw the crumpled money into the cabbie's window. Probably shorted him too. But he's too nice to not give him anything!
The non-stopping cab thing makes sense now, thanks Elvis. I was thinking it might have been that the cab drivers were camera-phobic or something, and didn't want an entire film crew getting into their cars.
Posted by: Rain | February 2, 2005 4:26 PM(#23 of 35)
i heard this week that amber and boston rob from survivor will be one of the couples on ar7.
needless to say, i think we can look forward to another season of droll casting.
Posted by: mattie | February 2, 2005 4:56 PM(#24 of 35)
Bring back Jonathan and Victoria. The rest are boring.
Posted by: Steven Bing | February 2, 2005 10:57 PM(#25 of 35)
Will we be getting a recap of Jonathan and Victoria's appearance on the prime time Dr. Phil Relationship special?
Posted by: skywise | February 2, 2005 11:27 PM(#26 of 35)
B-Side, if you don't stop being so hilarious and clever, I will develop a hernia from laughing so hard and die. May THAT be on your conscience.
Posted by: Stefanie | February 3, 2005 12:02 AM(#27 of 35)
Is anyone else getting sidebar ads here for Sri Lanka Travel? Hmmm...seems to be in poor taste.
Posted by: Obadia | February 3, 2005 7:05 AM(#28 of 35)
Mattie sez: i heard this week that amber and boston rob from survivor will be one of the couples on ar7.
Oh, please God, no. It was hard enough watching Alison and Donny. Amber and BR already had a double-dose of their 15min of fame. Give it up already.
I can feel the hate rising....
Posted by: scottbr | February 3, 2005 9:03 AM(#29 of 35)
TexasK - I had to go back and see...and oh my! I'm surprised she didn't lick her lips! Most definitely the best most of the show!
Posted by: mountain girl | February 3, 2005 11:33 AM(#30 of 35)
yes, jon definitely paid the cab driver. just like jak said, he threw the crumpled bills and you see the driver dive with his hand next to the seat to get them back. jon's too nice, i gasped that he actually threw the money.
b-side, this is my first visit to your site and i will definitely be back. my co-worker and i have never laughed so hard!
Posted by: jaimie | February 3, 2005 11:46 AM(#31 of 35)
Jaimie- thanks for coming by. Always love the new readers...
Posted by: b-side | February 3, 2005 12:29 PM(#32 of 35)
OK, that was the funniest observation ever about the Freddy snuggle thing, I would have been disappointed had you not mentioned something about that. And I agree with those who say they saw Jon chuck the money at the cabbie. Come on, those two are so sugar coated there is no way he would have stiffed him. And you MUST recap the Dr. Phil episode with Team JV...PLEASE!
BTW, did anyone else catch Phil on Oprah yesterday? He has some other show called "NOW" which is a clever acronym for "No Opportunity Wasted" and has a book out by the same name. It was the most I have ever heard Phil speak. It sort of ruined the mystique...
Posted by: Marbacca | February 3, 2005 3:24 PM(#33 of 35)
I thought it was hysterical to watch Adam and Rebecca bickering while the Yield hourglass sat there empty.
And how can Hayden possibly think she's hiding when she's got a cameraman pointing a camera at her? Was the cameraman hiding behind another palm tree?
Posted by: corvus13 | February 3, 2005 10:35 PM(#34 of 35)
b-side, You rock!
And I second or third the request for you to recap Jonathan and Victoria's visit with Dr. Phil.
One of my other favorite moments on this episode was ? I forget who, walking around to the TaiChi masters asking "Do you have a clue?" over and over again. I think it might have been Kris and John. Pretty un-pc for the pc couple.
And yes, Obadia, I see some adds for Sri Lanka travel at the bottom of this page too. Weird. Must be something automated.
Thanks again b-side!
Posted by: PDX Hobbit | February 3, 2005 11:31 PM(#35 of 35)