A Bloody Good Time, Part I - 
by B-side
Now THAT was a great episode! For all those who missed Tuesday night's marathon Amazing Race installment, you sadly were deprived of two hours of pure, unadulterated excitement. Sure, there was a non-elimination round in the middle, but honestly, did anyone expect anything else? It's pretty much a tradition now that whenever The Amazing Race enters Africa, the first Pit Stop is always non-elimination. That's okay though. Unlike most viewers, I'm rarely upset by such rounds only because it means we get another week of racing madness, and in the case of this season, that's a good thing. Tonight's episode seemed to have it all: an intense Fast Forward, a gaping head wound, a scary car accident, and most importantly, an insanely close finish that easily ranks as one of the very best endings in Race history. So buckle up (Brian and Greg) and attach your hardhat (Gretchen). We're going to relive it all over again...
Was that cheesy? It felt cheesy. Yeah, it probably was cheesy. Just... I don' t know. Keep reading.
The episode began with our controversial couple, Rob and Amber, leaving the Pit Stop in the wee hours of the morning. They were directed to catch a flight to Johannesburg, South Africa which we'll assume is what Rob meant when he read "Yohannesburg." [Editorial note: I'm officially an idiot. As a former student of Modern South Africa, I should have remembered that this was, in fact, the correct pronunciation. I've been living in L.A. too long...] As the two headed off, Rob reflected that "there has been a guardian angel looking out for Amber and I." I'm not going to play the conspiracy card again, but man, it's so damn easy.
Next up were the brothers -- Greg and Brian. The two happily pointed out that they were the only team left that wasn't in a relationship. Aren't you guys overlooking your love affair with Urban Outfitters? Seriously, where would you be without your mandanas? Nevertheless, our friendly siblings arrived at the airport and purchased tickets for Africa. Was it just me or was Lynn pulling double duty as an airline employee? I probably was just seeing things -- unless Lynn has a long lost twin who just happens to work at a South American ticketing counter. Talk about a small world!
I'm pretty sure that's Lynn printing out tickets at the airport.Ron and Kelly snagged a cab from the Pit Stop and immediately questioned whether or not they should stop at a travel agency. After some minor discussion, Kelly confirmed that they'd be going directly to the airport by patting the cabbie's right shoulder. Luckily, she also said "Aeroporto" which is good because I'm pretty sure she accidentally tapped his "travel agency" shoulder. Man, doesn't she know? If you ever want to go to the airport, always tap the cabbie's LEFT shoulder.
Moments later, Alex and Lynn emerged from the Pit Stop, and after navigating around some unsightly poop (Oh Phil...), they soon joined the other teams at the airport. Sadly, my Lynn/airline employee theory proved to be incorrect, which meant I could toss that idea onto the junk pile of other fallen conjectures (you know, like "Yes, Dear will be off the air after two seasons" and "Paris Hilton might have a brain after all"). One theory I do still stand behind is that Ray and Deana continue to underwhelm in this otherwise colorful cast of characters. As the two piled into their taxi (driven by an enjoyably dressed-up cabbie), Ray continued to bitch and moan about being at the back of the pack and how he just couldn't lose out to the old people. You know, all this guy does is complain. He doesn't have that ticking timebomb intensity of Colin or that crazy, over-the-top stupidity of Jonathan Baker. Therefore, he serves no use to us. But at least he can always have a healthy freakshow career as the world's first talking gorilla.
The last team to leave the starting gate was of course Gretchen and Meredith, our plucky seniors who've managed to carve out a niche for themselves as the perennial Amazing Race caboose. Upon hearing they'd be traveling to South Africa, Gretchen let out an excited "WHOA!" that was oddly reminiscent of Joey Lawrence on "Blossom". You know, now that I think of it, if CBS ever does a celebrity Amazing Race, they should definitely cast Mayim Bialik.
Anyway, all the teams caught up with each other at the airport, and then it was off to Africa! CBS cut to some random stock footage most likely provided by the South African Tourism Board. Lions! Nature! Truth and Reconciliation Hearings! Oh wait, I accidentally flipped over to Frontline. Nevertheless, teams eventually arrived in Johannesburg and found the rare Fast Forward in the next clue box. Anyone antsy to skip ahead could drive to Soweto and traverse a rickety suspension bridge over a cooling tower thirty stories up. Needless to say, it looked like the scariest thing ever done on television. I mean, I know these shows always have people climbing over gorges and dropping from the sky, but there's something so ominous and dark about crossing a cooling tower. It's like a giant bottomless pit that's just begging to swallow you up. I think cooling towers are the new boogeyman.
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