After some hairy experiences, Alex finally paid a guy to lead them to the airport where they just barely caught up with the other two teams who had initially followed them. Not that any of this really mattered. Once everyone arrived in Botswana, they learned they'd all have to take a train to the Arkvadark that wasn't due to leave until 9 PM. Ah yes. Another time crunch. Still, this didn't mean we would be without drama. As Lynn and Alex departed to the train station in their taxi, Rob and Amber tried to stop the driver and jump in as well. The boyfriends didn't allow Rob in though, saying there wasn't enough room (despite there being two big seats open). There really would be nothing to lose if Ramber hopped in the cab, but the guys kept them out simply on principle, which was pretty cool. As they pulled away, Lynn explained, "I like my air conditioning, and I don't want to be crowded." Meanwhile, Rob responded negatively to the rejection. "Okay, we'll play like that!" he pouted. Um, haven't you been "playing like that" this entire race? You know, like when you bribed the security guard not to tell other teams about an earlier bus, or like the time you bribed a driver not to open the rear doors of said bus, or like the time you got other teams to chip in for a bribe but didn't contribute anything yourself? Hey, I think it's all incredibly crafty and legit, but don't start acting all innocent now.

Alas, Rob was very wounded, and the thought of Lynn getting away in that taxi really got to him. "He's stretched out like he's on a carpet ride," said Rob, imagining the seating arrangements in the cab. Do people normally stretch out on carpet rides? Is that a thing? Because if they do, screw American Airliens. I'm totally taking a carpet to New York next time.

Wow, this really is like being on a flying carpet!

Anyway, Rob CONTINUED to harp on the taxi controversy, and as everyone met at the train station (Meredith go there by tooting "choo choo!" à la Charla in season 5), he tried to throw the cab shenanigans in Lynn and Alex's face with typical Rob logic. I must admit, Rob is very good at what he does. If someone crosses him, he simply plays innocent and throws it back in that other person's face. They're so busy defending themselves that they never get a chance to poke holes in Rob's arguments. Unfortunately, while that's a solid strategy on a voting elimination show like Survivor, it doesn't really affect things on Amazing Race (HA!). As teams boarded the train, Rob announced that he was no longer gonna be Mr. Nice Guy. So I suppose his withholding a donation to a penniless Gretchen and Meredith was a friendly gesture? Maybe he wanted to see them learn the value of earning an honest buck. Or maybe he's just a huge hypocrite. (I know, I know - he makes great TV. No argument there).

Well, teams finally made it to the Arkvadark where they received the Roadblock. One member from each pair would have to engage in a traditional bushman hunting practice: throwing a spear at a moving target. Everyone went and picked a bushman guide and began tossing those spears. Well, everyone but Meredith who in classic old man fashion couldn't find the bushmen RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. In time, he figured it out, and soon we were treated to a lovely montage of spears sloppily careening past sandbags. Brian and Greg took to patronizingly call their guide "Yoda" simply because he was short and old. News flash: bushmen are not pets.

Anyway, Ron connected with his bag first and proceeded on to the next clue which had him driving several miles through the bush to the route marker. "Being in the military, I've driven through the desert in hum-v's, whereas I'm sure there's no one here who's done that," he said. DAMMIT RON. CAN'T YOU JUST SHUT -- oh wait. That was actually a relevant comment. It made sense. It was a logical application of past military experiences to a present dilemma. I apologize.

Teams eventually left the Roadblock one by one until the only one left was none other than Boston Rob. As he continued to miss the sandbag, he grew infuriated, asking if the spear had been sharpened. While baby wanted his bottle, Brian drove speedily down the dusty roads, giggling excitedly. As the bumps shook and rattled the car, Brian guessed that Lynn was probably like "Woooooooo!" (just imagine him saying that really effeminately). The producers then cut directly to Lynn as he squealed, "Woooooo!" in the most effeminate, Dame Edna-ish voice ever. It's really hard to communicate how truly funny this was, but needless to say, it was a brilliant moment of editing.

Bringing up the rear of the SUVs leaving the Roadblock were Joyce and Uchenna who managed to, you guessed, get lost. Well, sort of. They couldn't find their bags. This allowed Rob and Amber to hop into their car and move up a spot. There was a lot of hubbub, but somewhere in the middle of it, Joyce said "Meredith is a guy, yeah." Okay, have these people even MET each other? What did Uchenna say when giving the oldsters some clothes? "Hey, here's a shirt for you... whoever you are."

Posted by B-side on April 1, 2005 12:30 AM