The episode began with newlyweds Rob and Amber receiving their next clue from Phil, who, as you may remember, was taking sadistic glee with his Pit Stop fakeout. Romber (I used to call them "Ramber" but I had to bow to the cultural zeitgeist) were told to head across the street to the Lucknow train station and board the train on platform two. Only then would teams receive their next clue. Oh, so mysterious. Part of me feared they were being sent off to join Phil Koegan's black market sex-slavery ring, but then I remembered that no train could reach his Mediterranean island harem.

Anyway, various teams checked in at Phil's mat (a euphemism used to describe the three foot radius around his manboobs), and as can be expected, most everyone was somewhat surprised. Ron was particularly disappointed, but I was relieved that he didn't somehow relay the moment to another adventure in the military ("Learning that the leg wasn't over was almost as disappointing as the time I was caught by Iraqis and held as a POW. Man, that was disappointing."). Thankfully, Ron kept his army babble to a minimum this episode, but still, even with his relative silence, I couldn't help thinking that military service is the new band camp. "This one time, in the military..."

Meanwhile, the plucky old duo of Meredith and Gretchen continued to power through their roadblock from LAST episode with the usual cheery aplomb. Eventually they delivered all the tea they needed (they even gave one lucky guy a bonus tea! Insert Gretchen coo of joy here.) and headed to the mat with the help of their friendly, mustachioed guide. Gretchen once again commented on how lovely and nice the locals were, an observation that was immediately followed by Meredith noting "I think these are gay guys in front of us." Sure enough, their guide smiled back at the old couple as his male friend gently placed a loving hand on his back. "He was pretty cute, the one who was helping us," said Gretchen. WELL, then it's proven!

After a little jaunt through Lucknow's Boystown (or Ladke-town, as its known locally), Meredith and Gretchen arrived chez Phil where our host happily told them they were the last to check in, BUT the race was still on. He then added "I'll still take all your belongings though. Just for fun." Actually, that didn't happen, but what did occur was Gretchen letting out another of her trademark "Ooooooooh!"'s. I swear, she must have been a Furby in a past life.

Anyway, all the teams arrived at platform 2 of the Lucknow station, only to discover that the train would be arriving many hours later. A time crunch? On the Amazing Race? Why I NEVER! Eventually, the choo-choo arrived, and everyone boarded, only to discover they'd be riding the rails for the next twenty-four hours straight. With little else to do, everyone found a sleeper car and caught some shut-eye. Sadly, this slumber was rudely disrupted by a creepy guy who seemed to be India's answer to Pete Postlewaite. The man quietly glided up to each team, poked them awake, and then delivered the next clue which directed everyone to a local market in Jodhpur, the train's ultimate destination. Actually, I guess it was at this point teams realized they'd be on the train for twenty four hours. Whatever. Point was, it was gonna be a long ass trip.

The next morning, teams seemed to relish the time on the train as everyone got a chance to kick back and socialize. Lynn expressed extreme discomfort at not having his facial creams and beauty products while Joyce wrapped Uchenna up in her headscarf and declared "You look like shiek!" Yes, it was a grand ole time on the train, and thankfully, teams reached Jodhpur before any puppet shows or charade games could bust out.

Upon arrival in Jodhpur (which at a population of 30 million people only qualified as a quaint hamlet in India), teams immediately scurried to the market which of course was closed until 10 AM the next morning. Not wanting to rough it out in the streets of Jodhpur, everyone checked in at a local hotel across the street and caught a few more zzz's before the inevitable craziness the next morning. As they checked into their room, Rob and Amber immediately chummed it up with the hotel manager, Sanjay, who offered to be the team's guide free of charge. Cut to CBS producers quietly stuffing $100 bills into Sanjay's back pocket.

Meanwhile, out in the streets, some sort of wedding or parade was taking place. Alex and Lynn went out to observe when suddenly they were yanked right into the proceedings. "Next thing we know, we're getting pulled into the middle, dancing with these men!" Lynn described. I sort of enjoyed the producers' attempts to make India seem extremely gay this episode. Sort of a unique take. I wondered what the Detour would be: a choice between Greco-Roman wrestling or cabaret singing?

Posted by B-side on April 22, 2005 1:54 AM