The episode began with Phil reminding us that Ron and Kelly would be broke for this leg of the race. You see, they came in last on a non-elimination leg last week; hence, they lost their money and their belongings, but not their bickering attitude. Meanwhile, Phil had other pressing questions to ask: "Will Uchenna and Joyce and Meredith and Gretchen be able to stay ahead of the competition?" Uh, I can answer that very simply: no. By some fluke, these two teams had managed to pulls in front of the unstoppable train that is Rob and Amber, but I doubted lightning would strike twice.

Anyway, Uchenna and Joyce headed off to the Sirkeci train station where they found their next clue in a room full of whirling Dervishes. You know, the Dervishes were quite graceful, and the scene was remarkably beautiful, but don't they have any better places of worship than a back room in a train station? Or am I being just a naive American pig? Maybe next season we can find a religious group that prays in a sewer.

After checkin' out the Dervishes, Uchenna and Joyce learned they'd be traveling to London where they'd have to find a "zebra crossing" (that's cheeky British slang for "crosswalk") made famous on a Beatles album. Let me guess... Yellow Submarine Way! Tally ho! To the Tubes! Well, this little mind teaser proved to be a simple task for Uchenna who figured it out, you know, immediately. Not that it's any major feat. Anyone with even the faintest knowledge of Beatles trivia could figure it out.

Of course, that is unless you're Gretchen and Meredith, the lovable but clueless senior couple who have managed to somehow survive in this crazy game. Unlike Uchenna and Joyce, they were stumped by this famous crosswalk riddle, causing Gretchen to lament that she'd be much better equipped for a Mel Tormé-centric clue. No need to feel down, Gretch. There's always the chance of a London Fog / Velvet Fog reference (heh. Like that will happen, you crazy old bat). Oh, and for those of you still scratching your head, the answer to the riddle is "Abbey Road."

Next to leave the Pit Stop were Rob and Amber who gave us not one but two different pronunciations of "Dervish". "Find the room with the Deverish. Once there, the Devish will escort you..." said Rob, happily adding and dropping phonetics as if they were on his fantasy baseball lineup. Luckily Amber was there to regulate as she properly stated "Dervish." (To Rob's credit, it is a hard word, what with the two syllables and all.)

While Rob pondered if the Dervish was a topless woman (it's a logical thought... if you're an IDIOT), Ron and Kelly read their first clue which said that three teams have a certain amount of money for this leg of the race. "One team has zero," read Kelly, and thankfully, we were spared the usual sarcastic "I wonder who that is!" or the defeatist statement of the obvious, "Well, that's us." Instead, the two hit the town and tried to drum up some funds for their latest journey. I personally was expecting Ron to chime in about how begging for money was like how he begged for food when he was a POW, but shockingly, he shunned the military references altogether. Luckily Kelly was there to fill the void with pointless nattering about getting married. You know how it goes -- the race will really show Ron's true colors; I'll be able to see if this is the man I want to marry, blah blah blah. It's times like these that I wish I were a big, black woman so that I could say "Honey, you ain't gonna be marrying SHIT" with all the proper swagger it deserves.

Anyway, after all the teams had received their clues from the Dervishes, everyone headed over to the airport where the earliest flight to London was at 8:00 AM the next morning, arriving at 10:30 AM. Check that. The earliest DIRECT flight, that is. Clearly not learning anything from their triumphant leapfrogging of Rob and Amber last week, Joychenna and Team AARP (I really wish I had a better nickname for them) only researched direct flights to London. Sure enough, crafty Rob managed to snag a computer and book tickets on a flight that would arrive ninety minutes earlier. The only problem -- there was a layover in Frankfurt, and the flight from Frankfurt to London was already sold out. Throwing caution to the wind, Ramber booked the flight anyway and added themselves to the standby list for their connection. Would this be the big break all the other teams needed? Probably not. In fact, moments later, Ron and Kelly grew wise to the situation and booked themselves on the flight too, hence ensuring that if this connection were a dud, Rob and Amber would still have some way to survive (yes, yes, reality TV pun, I know).

Meanwhile, with all the tickets booked, it was time to mill around uncomfortably. Meredith was kind enough to lend some dough to Ron and Kelly, causing the beauty queen to remark "Oh my gosh" so insincerely that you'd think she were attempting an exercise in monotone sounds. She could have a great career standing in a Post Office and saying "Next window please."

Posted by B-side on May 4, 2005 4:17 AM