While Uchenna and Joyce finally raised enough funds to fetch their onions, the other two teams got to work hitting their golf balls. This of course led to a highly enjoyable montage of golf bloopers as Kelly in particular whiffed several times in a row. My god, why is that always so funny? I remember one time playing racquetball and having the biggest whiff ever. For some reason, about ten people witnessed this, and I just remember hearing laughter. Lots and lots of laughter. Gotta respect that though. Whiff = good comedy. Anyway, Kelly's whiffing was particularly amusing, only because she had just bragged about having taken golf lessons recently. Apparently, by "golf" she meant "whining". I really wish she wouldn't use so many code words like that. She Kellys golf!

Kelly, just imagine the ball is Ron's head. That'll help the whiffing problem.

As for Ron, he wasn't really whiffing as much as he was overshooting. Maybe that's because he was using a DRIVER! Dude, it's only 135 yards away! (This comes from me, the 75 Yard Wonder). Anyway, Rob hit the green first, and surprisingly, Kelly did as well. Where to next? San Juan, Puerto Rico! Both teams headed to the airport where they learned that the next flight to San Juan was no longer ticketing. "We're screwed!" moaned Amber as we went to commercial break. Of course, two seconds later, they found a flight leaving even earlier and booked tickets on it. Where's your defeatist attitude now, AMBAH???

Well, Ramber flew off to San Juan where they then had to seek out an old fort with about twelve different names (okay, maybe it wasn't that bad: its name was the "Castillo de San Felipe del Morro Fort"). There they learned that they'd now have to travel 87 miles across the island to a sugar factory. Ah, but would there be hours of operation? Methinks yes! Sure enough, by the time Rob and Amber arrived, the ole factory was shut down for the night. See, there was hope for Joychenna after all!

Speaking of Joychenna, the two finally reached the Detour, and from what we could tell, Uchenna made short work of the golf challenge (the editors could have been fooling us for all we know). Joyce ripped open the next clue and squealed with delight as she read "PUERTO RICO!" Hey, Jamaica ain't too shabby either. Uchenna then added, "My blokes and I rather enjoy visiting Puerto Rico on holiday!"

Anyway, yada yada yada, all three teams caught up with each other, and the next morning, when the gates opened up, everyone raced through the sugar factory to find the next clue. And guess what? It was the Roadblock! Would this be it? One last food challenge? Maybe a sugar cane beverage needed to be consumed? Sadly, no. Whoever was doing the Roadblock merely had to jump off a ledge into the ocean and swim to the next clue. Booo! That's not very creative. Who designed this? Phil's eyebrow? (Scratch that. Phil's eyebrow only designs naughty Roadblocks).

Well, this simplest of Roadblocks managed to stymy the shrewd duo of Rob and Amber who for some reason went running off into the grassy hillside. They eventually returned to the clue box, only to see that Uchenna and Ron had already completed the challenge. "How do we get down there?" asked Amber, looking down to the bridge she was supposed to jump off of. I don't know Amber. That's a good question. Might I suggest you take the staircase located DIRECTLY NEXT TO YOU!

Hmmm... I wonder if there's a staircase nearby...

While Amber gave herself a crash course in stairwells, the other two teams learned that the next destination was none other than sunny Miami, Florida. The producers were then kind enough to briefly play a some peppy cha-cha-cha music, just to drive the point home. Honestly, I feel like whenever anyone says "Miami," I hear cha-cha-cha music (unless I'm watching The OC. Then all I hear is Will Smith over and over again). Well, Joychenna and Rob and Kelly hit the road while Ambah languished in her Roadblock. The good news: she finally found the bridge. The bad news: afterwards, she was so exhausted, she could barely walk. In the visual metaphor of the season, Rob wound up physically carrying Amber on his back as they trudged to their car. Ambah, you're wicked heavy these days. Take off your sneakahs!

Anyway, even though the other two teams had a decent lead, leave it to Ramber to catch up thanks to a slow moving toll plaza. Once again, it was neck and neck with all three racing to the airport. Unfortunately for Ron and Kelly, they made some wrong turn (both blamed each other) and wound up on the wrong highway. Joychenna and Ramber, however, paid careful attention to the road signs with Joyce's eyes nearly bulging out of her skull. As for Rob, he attributed his navigational ease to the signage. "The little airport signs make it pretty easy," he said. Yeah, well, that's what they're there for. Rob later noted that "The stop signs really help me know when to stop. I like that."

Thing quickly became very intense in the airport as Ramber and Joychenna purchased tickets for the same flight to Miami. Ah, but upon hearing that a flight was boarding at that moment, Rob ran to that gate and asked for standby tickets. The doors were closing, the plane was leaving -- surely they were too late, right? WRONG. Rob and Amber happily traipsed aboard, thus cementing an important lead. As for Joyce and Uchenna, they learned of the boarding flight too late, and when they showed up at the gate, it was official this time: the flight was absolutely closed. Even the jetway was pulling back. That sucks. Once again Rob and Amber manage to sneak on by.

Posted by B-side on May 11, 2005 5:16 AM