12:36 AM
One of the Godlewski gals says to a New Yorker, "Hi! We're looking for the town of SoHo." Families or no families, Amazing Race always delivers with these sorts of shenanigans. Even better: these Godlewski women have crazy midwest accents. "We are doing an ahhsam jaaab girls," says one of them. My ears are bleeding.

12:28 AM
Could this cast BE any blonder?

12:40 AM
Oh WEAK! All the stuff they have to buy at Eastern Mountain Sports is already laid out for them. Whatever happened to in-store scavenger hunts??

12:41 AM
Okay, now teams have to go uptown to a hot dog stand. I smell a very sketchy Roadblock...

12:42 AM
The Godlewskis strike again: "SLEEPING BAYAGS!!!" (sleeping bags)

12:44 AM
Man, momma Paolo is the best. Not only does she rock the neck kerchief, but she also does the stereotypical New York Italian thing by yelling, "ALL RIGHT! You said it a hundred times already! Give it a break!" She's the bestest.

12:47 AM
Okay, EMS has officially turned into a disaster zone. Girls are shrieking left and right, displays are getting knocked over. It's just how I imagine every autograph signing that Phil goes to.

12:49 AM
Must we see the Empire State Building every time we switch families?

12:50 AM
Oh good! ANOTHER cutaway shot of the Empire State Building. Almost forgot what it looked like for a sec.

12:51 AM
Why are these people taking the West Side highway to get to 90th street between Park and Lex? Oh that's right. They're IDIOTS! (Notice how I'm pulling my "I have a knowledge of Manhattan" card? Yeah, it makes me cool.)

12:53 AM
Daddy Schroeder has this to say: "Too bad we don't have any handicapped children we could push into traffic to block traffic to help us get ahead." All it takes is a crowbar and some painkillers...

12:55 AM
Awww. The Black family is so nice. Dad's making sure his sons take in New York City. The only thing that could make this moment any better would be if Momma Paolo showed up on screen and ooh! There she is! And somehow she has endless patience with her ridiculous sons. "You know you're cute when you get angry?" she says. You know what else they become when they're angry? ANNOYING.

12:58 AM
My other favorite team, the Linz family, arrives at the hot dog stand first. They have to now cross the George Washington Bridge and travel ninety-seven miles to Washington's Crossing in PA. Wow. Rural Pennsylvania. This season is too exotic for words...

12:59 AM
The hot dog guy hands a clue to Carissa. Later, he tells the camera, "She's cute." Yeah, and she's also a robot.

1:02 AM
Weaver mom reads, "Your clue is in the historic park in Pennsylvania? I don't know if that means the state of Pennsylvania." Yeah, that's usually what people mean when they say "Pennsylvania." Kind of like how when I refer to California, I usually say, "California." I know. It's crazy.

1:06 AM
Poor Weaver mom. Totally overthinking this. "Pennsylvania may be a state." IT'S A MYSTERY!

1:07 AM
She may not know about Pennsylvania, but she sure knows about Jesus. "Stick to the Lord. Do you know about the Lord?" she asks a trucker. When he says the Lord is his friend, momma then adds, "We'll be spending eternity together!" Yay! Wait, this is sort of creepy.

1:10 AM
Hmmm... Don't like the "Family Edition" route markers (they're yellow and silver). Nevertheless, the Aiello family arrives first. They have to pick a boat and cross the Delaware River, grab a thirteen-star American flag, paddle back, and observe a flag-folding ceremony. Wow, the first hour isn't over and already we've had rampant Jesus talk and patriotism. This is the most Red State-y Amazing Race yet.

1:14 AM
Addendum to the last comment: David of the Aiello family is a former Marine.

1:15 AM
I so want one of these George Washington enthusiasts to fall in the water.

1:18 AM
Aiello still in the lead. They get the next clue. Teams must now go to Philadelphia and find a park where they'll camp overnight. So basically teams will have driven from New York to Philly. Gotta love Family Edition...

1:23 AM
Uh oh. The Gaghan family's struggling on the river. Where's Carissa's seven-minute-mile now??

1:27 AM
Wait a second. How did the Linz and Godlewskis fall so far behind? I knew there'd be trouble when they were acting so cocky before. As long as the Paolo's don't get eliminated, I'll be happy. Of course, none of this really matters since the overnight in the park will be a giant equalizer. I'll just enjoy the ride.

1:29 AM
Uh oh. The Black family is going downstream. For the record, it's been 90 minutes, and I'm less than halfway through the show. Fantastic.

1:33 AM
The Black family hands over their flag. So do the Godlewskis. Where the heck are the Paolos?

1:35 AM
Paolo update: okay, they've finally arrived at the Delaware. Best part of this? They not only have a fat doofus playing their "George Washington", but he's also sort of a jerk. Shut up, JERK WASHINGTON!

What Sopranos extras do in between seasons.

1:37 AM
Paolo update: OH NO! Ma dropped the clue!!! This is like an Olive Garden commercial gone wrong!!!

1:40 AM
The Black family does a little cheer: "1-2-3-Black family!" I love puns.

1:42 AM
The Paolos don't go back to get their clue, but they still make it to the park. Mrs. Paolo tells the Eagle Scouts, "Just so you know, both my boys were boy scouts when they were young." And look at how nicely they turned out!

Posted by B-side on September 28, 2005 3:49 AM