Meanwhile, their rivals, the Aiellos, showed up to tackle the mud run, and as they sped through the course, it looked like it would be a quick and simple victory. That is until the Weaver's lord smote them too, causing their car to get stuck right before the finish line. "We were going great guns though," said one of the guys. Not sure what it meant, but I'll assume it was akin to "We were doing really well."

Well, the great Weaver/Aiello Battle of the Mud continued as both teams attempted to power through again, but, well, that Weaver curse is hard to shake. They both wound up stuck again. Should have done shrimp instead. Not only was it easier and faster, but the chances for romance were out of this world. Yes, it looked like Tommy Linz had found love as he feigned making out with a shrimp. He cooed some inaudible, high-pitched sweet-nothings, and of course, to highlight the moment, the producers supplied us with that funky "Hey, we're havin' fun here on CBS!" race music. Needless to say, the entire scene was just splendid.

Tommy and a shrimp, sitting in a tree...

Over on the Godlewski's boat (each team did the shrimp challenge on their own vessel), the sisters were breaking into a competition, but even more importantly, their accents continued to screech out of control. "Which side is going fayaster?" asked one sister. "I don't know why you'd even ayask!" replied another. Oh my gaaaad! These girls are ganna drive me bayatty!
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Back at the mud bogs from hell, the Gaghans showed up to try their hand at some South Carolina off-roading. "Let's go 120 mph so we can just go on top of the mud!" said an eager Billy. For the record, Carissa could still run faster. WHEELS!! WHEELS!!! WHEELS!!!

This is exactly how the Gaghans look when they sing Jingle Bells.

Before the Gaghans could take their turn, however, they had to wait for one of the teams to finish. The Aiellos were on their sixth attempt, and the Weavers, well, they just gave up. "I don't think it's feasible," Linda muttered. The lord HATES you!

Anyway, as teams finished up the shrimp challenge, they learned they'd then have to go to the Charleston Visitor Center and sign up for a charter bus traveling to a mystery destination. Of course, there were two buses -- and early one and a late one; first come, first serve. Meanwhile, as the Paolos finally boarded their shrimp boat (they were a half hour behind, don't forget), Marion immediately put up a warning. "I don't want to stink!" Bad news: you're gonna stink.

At the mud bogs, the Gaghans zipped through the challenge on their first attempt, further infuriating the Aiellos. Seriously, I think the Gaghans are robots. Lovable, but robots nonetheless.

Elsewhere on the streets of Charleston, the Bransens and the Linzes found themselves racing for the charter bus in the face of physical setbacks: WalDER was exhausted, and Megan, well, her heart was hurtin'. It was very Nashville Star. Ultimately, the Linz, Schroeder, Bransen, and Godlewski families wound up on the first bus. As they drove off, we then went back to the mud bogs -- AGAIN -- to watch the Aiellos try this challenge for the umpteenth time. This time, it was clear they were gonna make it. I mean, the momentum was with them. "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" yelled the Marine son, banging his head and going as nuts as anyone who's made it through Marine hazing. But alas, it was not meant to be. The car sputtered to a halt, stuck in the mud once again. Could you even have imagined Marion at this task? She would have been a-freakin' out. NOBODY EVER EVER LISTENS TO ME!!!

Speaking of Marion, she was actually already freaking out on the shrimp boat as she forced everyone to take a shrimp. "Here's a shrimp! Here's a shrimp!" she yelled. I couldn't tell if she was joking or not, but I decided I didn't care because I love every word that comes out of her mouth. "I'm full of shrimp? You're all getting full of shrimp!!" she yelled at her family as more bickering ensued. "Full of shrimp" -- I'm totally using that expression from now on. "You know what, Jeff Probst has to calm down. He's getting full of shrimp!"

Meanwhile, bus #1 headed off to Alabama, to the rocket capitol of the world in Huntsville. There, teams received their next clue. They had to drive SUVs to the U.S. Space and Rocket Center and find a specific hangar. Okay, blah blah blah, they arrived and what do we have here? A Roadblock. But not just any Roadblock: a two-person Roadblock. Ah, a welcome addition to the Family Edition pantheon. Anyway, for this challenge, two people had to enter a centrifuge and experience 3 g's. This, ladies and gentlemen, led to one of the best Phil moments of all time. We found our intrepid host strapped into the centrifuge with his body plastered against the wall and his face contorting in acceleration. Yes, it was Phil Keoghan at 3 g's, and I'll tell you something: you haven't lived until you've seen Phil at 3 g's. This was better than that time he stood on top of that skyscraper and had to be tethered down, lest he fall to his untimely PhilDeath™. Making this moment even more of an insta-classic was that Phil actually talked to us from inside the centrifuge, making one of his most hilarious understatements of all time: "If you haven't noticed, gravity is currently pushing on me." Funny, I hadn't noticed! I thought he was only suffering from an incurable back injury.

GravityPhil™

Posted by B-side on October 13, 2005 2:02 AM