This week's episode opened up where we left it: in New Orleans (and yes, Phil was sure to do his whole "This is dedicated to the memories of the victims" bit before the opening credits). It was sad and creepy to watch footage of the once-vibrant city, but luckily, the "ick" factor was short-lived as teams learned they'd be heading to Central America. Woohooo! Finally! I have to admit, I was quite relieved. As the Bransens opened that first clue, I fully expected some stupid command like "Drive three miles and find the world's largest toothbrush." But no. Instead, they were to fly down to Panama City, Panama and then trek out to the Smithsonian Tropical Research Institute. There, they'd have to take a boat out to an island and find a man in a hammock named Ricardo Diaz. Ooh, this sounds like a low-rent John LeCarré novel. Now all I have to do is read a John LeCarré novel to get my own reference!

Anyway, the Paolos were the second to leave the Pit Stop, and as they happily bounded to their car, we cut to an interview with matriarch Marion Paolo as she said, "My ideal situation by the end of this race would have DJ put his arms around me and say, 'I love you Ma.'" And with that, she choked up and let out such a sweet, loving hiccup of a noise, that I couldn't help sighing like an emotional housewife watching an Extreme Makeover: Home Edition marathon. Of course, I laughed too.

Oh Marion.

Having a less sentimental time was the Linz family, who hit the road all full of eager excitement. "I love high school spring break. I hope we can check out sixteen year old girls!" said Tommy.

"That's the wrong Panama City, isn't it?" corrected Megan.

"Not Florida," added another one of the brothers. It was a funny clip and all, but I personally was more amused that the Linz family seemed more preoccupied with Tommy's geographical errors rather than his apparent penchant for statutory rape.

Meanwhile, the Godlewski family came pouring out the starting gate, and within seconds, they were piercing my eardrums with their accents. "You guys, we've got to get to the street lamp and look at the mayap!" one sister insisted. Then Christine, famous for bawling over last week's backpack controversy, popped up on screen to say, "I may be bossy, but my ideas are also the best." For instance, her latest great idea was the new charity, "No Backpack Left Behind," an organization dedicated to raising backpack awareness. Because sometimes, you just really really really want your backpack.

Up next were the Weavers, and man, this family really has me conflicted. I really want to vilify them, but some small part of my conscience keeps holding me back. I mean, Linda Weaver is clearly a nut job, and I'm not saying that because she's overly religious. She genuinely seems like a woman on the verge. And I kind of feel badly for her because you know at any moment, the producers might just find her in some dusty corner of the Pit Stop, rocking in the fetal position and whispering some random phrase over and over again. Plus, even though her kids don't seem like the sharpest tools in the tool shed, they're also just kids -- and kids reeling from the loss of their dad. So how can I in good conscience rail on this mentally fragile clan? Well, I guess I'll do what I always do: let them say something stupid and then point my finger and laugh (blogging is so fun).

Sure enough, it didn't take long for the Weavers to say something dumb, and in this case, one of the daughters revealed her theory about alliances: "I understand alliances, and I understand that they might help, but they're ssstupid!" What about an alliance with THE LORD?? Yeah, gotcha!

Meanwhile, the Godlewskis approached the airport, and as they pulled up, one of the sisters ordered, "Put your backpacks on!" Wow, they really do have quite the strong pro-backpack agenda. Are they moles from North Face? They are, aren't they?

Posted by B-side on October 27, 2005 3:24 PM