Most People Like Us! - 
by B-side
It's gettin' down to the wire on The Amazing Race: Family Edition, and with only four teams left and something like thirty-four episode before the finale, it looks like we'll be facing quite a few non-eliminations. Okay, to be fair, we only have three more weeks before this most regrettable of seasons wraps up, and I wouldn't be surprised if the producers throw in one of those sneaky non non-elimination rounds. You know what I'm talking about: the teams show up at the mat only to discover THE LEG ISN'T OVER! To be continued! Oh well, no use trying to predict what may or may not happen. For now, we might as well look back on this week's installment, which would have been quite good had the final outcome not been so predictable (or disappointing). The crazy Weaver family was in full hypocritical effect, which always makes things entertaining. As much as I hate them, without their cheery dunderheadedness, I don't know what we'd do.
The episode began with the Godlewskis racing out of the Pitstop first. Their destination: Monument Valley, Utah. Whoohooo! More America! Okay, okay, I'll drop it. No use complaining over what's already done. Anyway, the Godlewskis hopped into a little boat where Chrissy yelled, "C'mon!!! DIG IN!!!"
"Chrissy, relax!" replied an annoyed Michelle. Oh, don't be such a hater, Meeshy. Why can't you "dig in" when you lower yourself one foot into the boat. C'MON! DO IT!!!
Of course, any avid viewer of this team would know that Michelle and her sisters -- especially Sharon -- love to treat poor Christine like a mangy dog hunting for table scraps. "Going into the race, I thought we were all going to be able to like talk and discuss and get to know each other more personally," said a naive Chrissy. "Was I maybe fooling myself? Possibly." Face it, Christine. You only did the race for the free backpack.
Anyway, let's hear what the evil stepsisters have to say about Cinderella. "Chris just talks everyday," complained Sharon.
"I think she has a quota of words that have to come out of her mouth. It's just like SHUT UP!" bemoaned Michelle. Wow, a goofy chatterbox named Chrissy? Why, I never!
Well, the Linzes left the Pitstop second, but because they really didn't have anything fascinating to say, we'll just move onto team #3: God's flavorite bunch of daffy devotees, the Weavers. Commence self-aggrandizing... NOW!
"The world we live in is obviously not loving and kind; so I think we're just sticking out because we're not as like crude," explained eldest dimwit daughter Rebecca. So apparently throwing garbage at another team does not count as crude. (Maybe it's more rude than crude.) Nevertheless, Linda reiterated her daughter's point, saying, "It's just so against our beliefs just to keep being treated so rudely." I wonder, does anyone actually believe in being treated rudely? Well, as a family sensitive to the way they are received, I'm sure the Weavers will in turn act in a manner that represents their values and beliefs. The higher road, if you will. What's that old Christian tenet? Love thy neighbor as thyself?
Next out the gate were the Bransens -- the lovable, sweet, perky, yet boring Bransens. For this leg of the race, they informed us that they'd be more aggressive. Hmmm... for some reason, when I think of WalDER, "aggressive" isn't the first word that jumps into my mind. He's less Road Runner and more that dog that says "Oh Davey..."
Anyway, the top three teams eventually made their way to Monument Valley, and all three managed to zip right by the turn-off. Now, normally a U-Turn wouldn't be that exciting, but for this leg of the race, the producers had attached giant campers to the SUVs, which meant the simple act of making a right turn took on a whole new level of chaos. But then again, if Paris Hilton could commandeer an Airstream trailer on The SImple Life 2, I'd like to think these families could handle their unwieldy campers. Nevertheless, the Weavers and Linzes turned their vehicles around with a minimal amount of drama (and praying to Jesus). The Godlewskis, on the other hand, had a good amount of difficulty, thanks to the fearless but inept leadership of Chrissy who managed to make our ears bleed all over again as she yelled, "Go SLOW! Crank it hard!! Okay, STAAAAAAPPPP!!!"
Well, this delay allowed for the Weavers to pass the Godlewskis, causing the Chrissy to yell, "OH! THEY'RE COMING, YOU GUYS!!!" Of course, mere text does not do justice to Chrissy's nails-on-chalkboard voice, but let's just say that three champagne glasses in the TVgasm offices simultaneously shattered. Meanwhile, as the Weavers passed by the opposition, Rolly sneered at Chrissy and derisively told him family, "See that little Desperate Housewife?" But seriously, they don't believe in being rude.
Eventually, everyone arrived at the next cluebox which directed two members of each team to take a helicopter ride up to the top of a butte. However, only two teams could ride at a time, and therefore, families had to pick a number, first come first serve style. Well, even though they arrived second, the Linzes dawdled and wound up with the third number, which meant they'd have to wait for the Godlewskis and Weavers to go up and back. That's okay. Nothing really important happened here anyway. The only significant thing to come out of this whole butte diversion was that the Godlewskis and Linzes reiterated that if there were a Yield ahead, whoever arrived first would use it on the Weavers.
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