Who Dey Think Will Win The Race? - 
by B-side
Here's something I didn't expect: The Amazing Race: Family Edition waited all season long to pull out it best episode of all. Tuesday night's season finale was the sort of show we've come to expect from The Amazing Race: exciting, intense, emotional, funny. Maybe the amped up stakes involved me more, but I tend to think it's because the series managed to get back to its roots for two hours as the teams faced a variety of obstacles ranging from inept cabbies to hidden clue boxes to daunting luck challenges to chaotic airport shenanigans. This is the Race we know and love, and as we reached the end of the two hours and saw a glimpse of season nine, my faith was restored that this show will return to its full glory soon enough.
The big finale began where we last left off: beautiful Western Montana! Oh the glory of Big Sky Country. Cattle! Prairie dogs! Phil! Could there be a better place in the world at that moment? Anyway, we saw our teams enjoying this little slice of heaven as Nick Linz lassoed his sister like a low-rent cowboy auditioning for an amusement park gig. Later, the teams gathered to eat a hearty lunch, and as usual, the Weavers separated themselves from the pack by sitting alone at an empty table. Too bad, really. You just know Linda was dying to join in once the Bransens and Linzes started making "Last supper" and "Judas" jokes.
Sadly, our rare peak into the world of the Pit Stop was cut short as the actual got underway once again. With the Bransens leading the pack, we learned that teams would now have to fly to Montreal, Canada. Oooh! Airports and foreign countries! Sort of. Does Canada count? I guess so. Anyway, once in Montreal, teams would have to make their way to the Underground City and find a clue in the passageway for the CDP Capital Building. (And yes, I too was surprised none of the Weaver girls asked what country "CDP" was.) As the Bransens drove off to that metropolitan hub known as Billings, Montana, young Lindsay let the power of Quebec sink in: "Canada, huh?" Her bewilderment was short-lived, however, as Wally dropped this bombshell: "It's French-speaking there." To which Lindsay balked, "French? Crap!" C'mon, Lindsay. I really like you. Don't go all Weaver on me.
At the airport, the Bransens made a few calls and wound up on a flight arriving ten minutes earlier than the other two teams, causing Beth to note, "Ten minutes could make a difference." And with that, the floating ghost head of Stassi Schroeder appeared on screen, crying, "One minute makes the biggest difference!!!" Seriously, she's still very upset about that. Anyway, all the teams took a flight to their first layover in Minneapolis, and while the Bransens headed off on their super duper "Ooooh! We're TEN MINUTES earlier!" flight, everyone else attempted to find other flights into Montreal. The Linzes managed to get a leg up on their competition by booking seats on a plane arriving a full hour ahead of the Bransens (ha, suckers! Oh wait, I like them), and when the Weavers tried to pull off similar shenanigans, their inept airline worker failed to produce results (Ha, suckers! For real this time). Of course, I probably would have been happy with whatever the outcome of this mess would be, simply because for the first time in ages, we had a splendid mess of airport intrigue. There's really no substitute for it.
The Linzes and Weavers then flew to their next layover in Toronto, and in a mad dash to the ticket counter, Rolly managed to trip up Alex, causing both of them to tumble right in front of some homely looking airline worker. Of course, Linda went into full "MY HUSBAND DIED" panic as she yelled, "NOOOO!!! Don't touch him!!!" She then added, "Are you sorry that you touched him? YOU WILL BE!!!"
Now, even though the rough and tumble action seemed relatively harmless (we could, after all, just barely detect an affable smile on Alex's face post-tumble), the Linz bruiser still sneered, "He's lucky I didn't break his arm." Are you sorry you didn't break his arm? YOU WILL BE!! Okay, I'll stop.
Well, as the Linzes picked up their tickets to that earlier flight into Montreal, the Weavers went into a back office and managed to get themselves on the same plane. Blast! The only thing that could make me feel better was a nifty air travel diagram, and thankfully, the show was kind enough to oblige. Gotta love those animated lines! But my diagram high was short-lived as the first plane touched down and the lovable Linz family struggled to find a cab. The Weavers, on the other hand, managed to flag one down quite easily, and because it had been entirely too long since they'd made fools of themselves, Rolly stepped up to the plate with a nice blend of condescending yet dumb Americanism.
"Are you fast?" he asked the cabbie, then adding, "El fasto?" (Collective groan amongst all viewers). Not only is "El fasto" blatantly not French, it's actually not Spanish either. But then again, everyone knows that if you add an "El" and an "o" to any word, people around the world always understand it. Move over math, we've got a new universal language!
Amusingly though, the driver just gave Rolly a disgusted look and retorted, "I'm not going to lose my life getting you there." Whaaa? He speaks ENGLISH! Wow, he just totally rocked the Weavers's world.
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