Nevertheless, the Weavers drove off, but not before seeing the Linzes waiting around for a taxi. "We saw the G.I. Janes standing there, looking puzzled," Rolly said. G.I. Janes? What the? That literally makes no sense. I'd really like to hear the derivation of that moniker, but chances are it probably appeared to Linda in a holy vision. I think we can officially declare that the Weavers have the absolute worst derisive nicknames for the other teams.

Meanwhile, up in the air, the Bransens learned that their flight would be delayed about twenty minutes. Worst ten minute time saver EVER!

Back in Montreal, the Weavers arrived at the Metro station they needed to enter to access the Underground City. However, they weren't about to let their taxi go. Linda told the driver to wait for them, and when he said yes, she still didn't believe him. "Look at me. Look at me in the eyes!" she demanded, adding, "My frizz will detect your sincerity." Ultimately, the driver convinced Linda that he was not of Satanic ilk and would in fact wait for the family to return. The Weavers then went running around the Underground City (which is basically just a series of underground passageways from building to building so Canucks can avoid that harsh winter cold, eh? Eventually, Linda and her kids found the clue which revealed the latest Detour: "Slide it" or "Roll it." That's what she said! Rimshot! Sorry, I don't even know what that means. It just sounded good.

Anyway, in "Slide it," teams had to travel to the McGill Arena and go curling (a.k.a. one of my favorite Winter Olympic sports. Everyone always hates on it, but I think it's the best. But that's because I have a weird thing for obscure Olympic sports). Anyway, each person would have to slide a granite stone into the "house" (essentially a target) to move on. In "Roll It," teams would have to use traditional lumberjack tools to roll logs along a 100 foot course. You know the drill -- it's physically demanding but could be done quickly. (I feel like there's a Star Jones joke in there somewhere).

Well, the Weavers opted for "Slide it," which was good because their driver -- named Ted -- knew exactly where the McGill Arena was. "There's only one rink," he insisted. Oh really, TED? We'll see about that. Nevertheless, the Weavers believed him and cooed, "He's nice. You're great." Seriously, Ted, they only say that about one other man, and his name rhymes with Chesus.

As for the Linzes, they finally found a cab, but just when they seemed to be on the right track, they committed one of my favorite Amazing Race blunders: they walked right by the clue box (insert cymbal crash here). The plucky fam from Ohio ran around and around the Underground City, and just when I was fearing that they may fall entirely too far behind, we had great news on the Weaver front. Turns out Ted took his passengers to the wrong rink. Wait, I thought there was only one rink, TED. Nope, turns out there's a whole second rink half an hour away. Might this be the break that the Linzes need? Eh, not so much. The good news was that the Linzes found their clue eventually, but then they too got lost and wound up at the wrong rink. But it wasn't all a loss: "There's a lot of sexy babies running around here," Nick commented, causing Tommy to add, "I KNOW dude!!" It's funny. When I think of Montreal, I only think of one sexy, sexy baby:

Meanwhile, the Weavers finally arrived at the proper rink and invited Ted inside to watch them curl. It would actually have been a pretty nice gesture had they not been patronizingly using his name in every single sentence. Once inside, we had a classic Weaver Edumacation moment as the family learned about one of nature's wonders: ice! "We don't even know what ice is except for ice cubes," one of the girls said. To be fair, they've always referred to ice as "Jesus crystal."

Hot pants and curling: the love affair continues.

As for the Bransens, they finally arrived à Monréal and headed out to the Underground City where they too completely ran by the clue box. After some general scampering and scouring, they retraced their route and found the pesky little box, and in a surprise move, the family opted to roll logs. Yay! I love when we get variety.

Back at the rink, Rebecca took hold of her granite stone and prepared to slide it down to the target. "I'm nervous!" she said. Why are you nervous? Oh, I understand. You're just thinking about all the potential frostbite that could come from wearing hot pants into an ice rink. Happens to all of us. Nevertheless, the Weavers eventually powered through the Detour, and Rolly read the next clue. "Montel..." he began before his family corrected him with "Montreal." Looks like Rolly might needs some El Reading-o Lessons-o.

Well, the clue told the Weavers to head to the American Pavilion, and so they zipped off with Ted, who just happened to say the magic words: "First of all, I want to thank God."

"Ted, we thank God every day too," Linda said happily.

"Are you a Christian?" asked one of the daughters, probably Rachel.

"I do, I'm a Christian," Ted responded.

"So are WE!!" the Weavers all replied. WOW!!! What are the chances!! Another Christian!! In Quebec of all places too!!! It's a Christmas Miracle!

Meanwhile, the Linzes arrived at the rink, and while they made short work of the curling, the Bransens slaved with the logs, but that's because they were doing it all wrong. Look at the lumberjacks, WalDER! You're driving me nuts with your poor technique! Eh, let's just talk about the Weavers again.

Posted by B-side on December 15, 2005 4:24 PM