Teams now had to find one of three departure times hidden somewhere in the entire 56,000 seat arena! And yes, my eyes rolled back into my head with ecstasy. Back on Amazing Race 4, teams had a similar task in the final episode where they had to find a clue hidden in a section of a stadium, but that was nothing compared to this behemoth task. Well, the Weavers got to work while outside the Bransens and Weaver searched the area for an entrance. "Is this the Stand Olympic?" Megan asked pedestrians over and over again. It was all very Weaverish, with the difference being that when she made a mistake, at least her brothers corrected her. As for the Bransens, Wally only had one request: "I wish we had our old golf carts from the golf course." He LOVES Buick!

Well, the stadium challenge turned out to be the great equalizer, and as the Linzes came running in, Linda let out a signature, "I hate this." Hey, I thought this was the best day ever? Nevertheless, Linda could rest comfortably knowing at least one thing: "We beat 'em here, and they know it." Uh, does that even matter? And isn't that a not very Christian mentality? Love thy neighbors, BITCH.

It became clear that this task was gonna take a few hours, so the teams all went outside to pay their cabbies, which resulted in a minor bottleneck on the sidewalk. Basically, the Weavers and Linzes needed to get by each other's golf carts, and when the Team Ohio asked Team Florida "Are you guys gonna scoot over?", Rachel or Rebecca (I couldn't tell) simply retorted, "Uh, we are!" People with good ears though could hear Rolly sneer, "Not for you guys." And so as the two carts managed to sneak by each other, Tommy said something silly about "Rolly Polly," causing Linda to complain that the Linzes were calling her son names -- as opposed to her calling the Linzes "G.I. Janes" or the more common, "They're just idiots."

With all the cabs paid off, the teams had nothing else to do but search. And search. And search some more. Eventually, the tediousness of the challenge took its toll on the families as Becca Weaver moaned, "I can't wait to go home and get my hair done." Yeah, she really needs to get a few more white trash streaks. As for WalDER, he too was quite cranky. "This is gonna take all frickin' night," he complained. "I'm gonna kick somebody's ass." Beware the wrath of WALLY!!!

Eventually, the Bransens and Linzes snuck up to the second tier, and while Rolly wanted his family to join them, the rest of the Weavers simply threw in the towel, making up excuses why going up to the next level would really just be an exercise in futility. Yes, such futility that the Linzes found a departure time of 5:50 AM and the Bransens found one of 5:45 AM. Later, Linda full on went to sleep in a cot, and Rachel scoffed "This is the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life." Yes, bash the challenge for your own shortcomings. We understand. "By not doing this, it's not like I've not accomplished anything. It's not like I'm less of a better person or anything. I just think that it's just stupid!" Rebecca then said. Maybe if you hadn't wasted your prayer on the taxi, you'd be having better luck now. Ever think of that? OF COURSE NOT.

Well, the show went to commercial as we stared at Linda's sleeping face and heard the kids say that they were never gonna comeback. But as any Amazing Race viewer knows, these sort of dire situations resolve themselves about two seconds after the commercial break, and sure enough, that's what happened. Linda arose, and the family gave it one last college try. And sure enough, they found their departure time: 5:55 AM. Last one, suckers.

The next morning, the families arrive at the airport, and as they took off in their little private planes, Phil announced, "All teams are now making their way to a mystery destination." Oooh! Exciting! And that destination: Toronto! Mysterious indeed! Once teams touched down, they had to race to the top of the CN tower and scan the city to find the location of their next clue -- also one of my favorite sort of challenges. On the way to the tower, the Weavers stopped at a gas station to get directions. Linda asked if she could keep the gas attendant's map, and at first the man was resistant, but then, with the stereotypical flourish of a sitar, he handed it over. Oh, those kindly Indians!

The Linzes and Bransens arrived at the observation deck first where Walter got his nasty sweat all over his binoculars. Gross! The Weavers, meanwhile, had fun in the elevator as Rolly asked the attendant (in typical Weaver patronizing style) how he enjoyed his job. "It has its ups and downs," the guy said. Oh that is HILARious! Well played!

"Look! It's Jason Priestley!"

Well, the teams eventually found the big Amazing Race flag, and the Linzes were the first team to actually arrive at the location where they found another Detour. Suddenly, we found our old friend Phil sauntering through a shoe museum. Mayhaps he'd be donating one of his best set of clogs? Probably not. Instead, he introduced the latest set of Detour options: Ship or Shoe. In Ship, teams had to sail across Toronto Harbor to a vessel called the Kajaba (and no, Phil did not pronounce it like "Kajabar"). There, one team member would have to climb a mast and retrieve a flag. In Shoe, teams had to go to the Bata Shoe Museum and seek out the one woman out of 100 that could fit into a certain pair of shoes.

Posted by B-side on December 15, 2005 4:24 PM