Anyway, the Linzes and Weavers opted for Ship while the Bransens headed to the shoe museum. As usual, Linda was ready to ask for a quick solid from God. "Oh Lord, please help up with the ship," she said. Seconds later, Rolly tried to hop a fence but soundly failed. I guess that was the Lord's way of saying, "You're on your own, jerks."

Unsurprisingly, the Linzes made quick work of this challenge, with Tommy proclaiming, "I'm like Popeye!" Well, if Popeye had ADHD, then yes. For their next destination, teams then had to drive to Queenston -- a town on the Niagra gorge -- choose a jet boat, ride into the Niagra whirlpool, and grab a clue from a buoy. Sounds like a plan! As the Linzes drove off, we then checked in on the Bransens who were having a doozy of a time finding a match for their shoes. Was this Detour a mistake? Will they ever find the right woman? COMMERCIAL BREAK! A few minutes later when we returned, the Bransens magically found a match, and then it was off to Queenston. "Isn't Niagra Falls a huge waterfall?" asked Lindsay Bransen. Groan.

Meanwhile, the Weavers sent Rolly -- of course -- up the mast to retrieve their flag, but uh oh! He dropped the damned thing! Hey, Rolly. Are you sorry you dropped the flag? YOU WILL BE!!! Actually, it turned out to be okay. The flag landed on the dock, and Linda was able to retrieve it, and before we knew it, everyone was racin' to Queenston! Yeeehaww!!

Normally, I hate when people drive like this. But how can you hate the Linzes?

With the Bransens and Linzes neck and neck, I gotta admit, my heart started pounding just a tad. The two families found their jet boats, and dammit if those things didn't look like the most fun ever. Basically, they were these giant motor boats. Kind of like Maid of the Mist gone X-TREME!!! I was curious about one thing though. Who was that random family sitting in the back of the Bransen's boat? Did anyone else see them? And I think there may have been a family on the Linz's boat too. How awkward. It's like when you're sitting at a cramped restaurant and strangers come and share a table with you.

After retrieving their clues from the buoy, the teams then learned they'd be heading to Lewiston, NY -- their final destination city!! Okay, heart beating a little harder now. Say what you will about this season, but you can never deny the final episode excitement. Anyway, the Linzes and Bransens headed on their boats to Lewiston, which was on the other side of the river (don't worry, the Weavers were firmly in third place). Hey, did these teams have to pay customs to cross the river like that? Somebody better look into that!

Once the families hopped off their boats, they encountered the last Roadblock. One person had to assemble a geography jigsaw puzzle, which was basically a map of Central and North America. After all the states and countries were in the correct place, teams could then make their way to the finish line. The finish line!!! Okay, this was crazy exciting. Nick Linz and Walter Bransen attacked their puzzles with a geographic fervor not seen since Rand McNally found out the USSR had split into like 12 different countries. This may have been the most exciting jigsaw puzzle of all time. It seemed like Nick was going faster, but his mistaken belief that Oklahoma lied north of Colorado had me believing this could be a tight one.

I swear, it was a lot more exciting than this looks.

The producers then taunted us for a few minutes as we cut back and forth and back and forth between the two puzzles, with the rest of the teammates saying things like "I can smell the million dollars" and "A million dollars is at stake." Ultimately, Nick managed to finish first, thanks to a pesky Rhode Island piece that Wally had forgotten. With the Linzes already running towards Phil and his outstretched arms, it was clear that the Bransens wouldn't be able to catch up. But then again, you never know. It was a foot race to the end, and lo and behold, the Linzes arrived first. Linzes win!!! YES!!! Granted, I would have been happy if the Bransens had won too, but seriously, who doesn't love the Linzes?

Yay!

Aww.

Someone get me a tissue.

Well, Tommy collapsed on the mat, but he then picked himself up -- you can't keep Bone down for long! -- and Phil delivered his usual speech "25 days, 50 cities, and more than 600 consecutive hours as a family! Linz family, you are the winners of The Amazing Race!" And just like that, the show did what it has always been known to do: go from exciting to emotional on the turn of a dime. As the siblings hugged and kissed each other and wept tears of joy, I had to admit, I got a little verklemped. C'mon! It's family! They love each other! But the real clincher was seeing the Paolos clapping in the crowd. Who else wouldn't get a little misty-eyed to see Marion rocking her neck kerchief once again?

The Bransens then showed up moments later, also to thunderous applause, and then it was time for speeches. "This is all for mom and dad," Alex Linz said triumphantly. And speaking of parents, Phil then turned to Walter and asked, "Wally, you must be very proud of them as a father."

Posted by B-side on December 15, 2005 4:24 PM