Meanwhile, in the airport, teams continued to book their flights. Well, most of the teams did. Dave and Lori were busy kissing and cooing to each other. They were a cute duo, albeit, slightly annoying with their nonstop affection. And it didn't really help that any time the camera trained on them, the producers played whimsically silly "Nerds In Love!" music. Still, it's hard to scoff at two people who seem to have no Hollywood aspirations (you know Mojo is blanketing Hollywood with their headshots as we speak). By the way, Lori is totally the Amazing Race's version of Diana Eng.

Elsewhere in the Denver International Airport, Lake and Michelle bolted to the ticket desk, outpacing Ray and Yolanda. "Michelle, you better run! That black girl'll outrun you!!" Lake yelled. Oh, so he's one of THOSE! Well, let's sharpen up our knives, shall we?? Maybe Lake and Michelle really are living in 1864 after all...

A few minutes later, the two teams caught up with each other in line and made fast friends. "Hey, what's your name, man?" Ray asked. Don't worry, Lake. You can speak to the black man. "Lake, man," he said, adding, "Like the ocean." Well, lakes and oceans are two entirely differently things, but that's okay.

Ray then responded, "Ray. Like the sun." Okay, seriously, what's with the vaguely naturalistic/Native American introductions? Was Michelle going to say "My name is Michelle, like the mighty buffalo on the prairie wide"?

Anyway, everyone finally boarded their planes, and to my great thrill, the producers provided us with an elaborate flight diagram. You know the type -- with lots of lines all moving to different places and connecting cities. The best. We then cut to Phil appearing atop the next destination, the Hotel Unique. Sadly, Phil had shed his turtleneck for the more apt button down black shirt. I suppose it was the sensible thing to do in the steamy Brazilian climate, but if he really wanted to make up for last season, he would wear that damn turtleneck all day every day.

Well, even though American was slated to arrive first, the flight actually had a delay, and United wound up touching down at the front of the pack (United? Without a delay? This really is a bizarro season already). Anyway, Eric and Jeremy hopped into a cab and frantically asked the driver if he had possibly seen Team Double D on the prowl. "Did you see pretty girls with big boobs?" Eric asked. Dude, you're in Brazil. Pretty girls with big boobs are EVERYWHERE! Nevertheless, Danielle and Dani were nearby, and luckily for them, their cabbie thought they were celebrities. I would have liked to have seen them attempt an Olsen twins fakeout, but that's just me.

Elsewhere, Lisa and Joni received a crash course in romantic languages. You see, one of the sisters (I can't tell them apart yet) didn't realize that Spanish and Portuguese were two different languages. And who could blame her? I mean, just because they sound different and just because they're spoken by different populations and just because one is called "Spanish" and the other is called "Portuguese" doesn't necessarily mean that they're actually two different languages. "I thought Spanish was like the universal language of the world," the sister said. Okay, she's clearly been depending on The Amazing Race too much for her knowledge of other cultures. Let's not forget, this is the show that has popularized yelling "RAPIDO! RAPIDO!" in countries such as Russia and India.

Anyway, teams began showing up at the Hotel Unique, which was a strange, semi-circle-shaped building. This, of course, led to many, many people commenting things like "Gosh, this really is unique!" or "I can see why they call this unique!" or "When man created the word 'Unique' this is what he meant!" Okay, we get it. It's unique! It's in the hotel's name. You don't have to reiterate it!

Wow! That IS unique!

Nevertheless, once teams found their clue on the hotel roof, they then had to drive three miles away to the Viaduto Santa Efigenia, which was basically, an old bridge. Wanda and Desiree led the pack, but Jeremy and Eric were hot on their tails. Their beautiful, beautiful tails. The two beach bums took pause, however, when they encountered their dream girls -- a.k.a. Danielle and Dani -- outside the hotel unloading their cab.

"Hi Pinkies!" Eric called out to them. "That's Jeremy, and I'm Eric, by the way."

"Oh hi, Jeremy and Eric. See you later!" the girls said, quickly brushing past them. SCORE! Well played, guys. Well played. Later, the girls mocked the two. "'Hi, I'm Jeremy and I'm Eric.' Shut up," one of them laughed.

"Yeah, shut the frig up. 'Hi Pinkies!'" the other said in response.

"Is that what they said? Retards," the first girl then said. Sadly, we all know the two teams will totally be hooking up with each other by the end of week three.

Dave and Lorie, meanwhile, were already hooking up. Again. And again. And again. Yes, it was all kisses, all the time on this voyage, and there was no occasion that wasn't kiss worthy. Grab the clue? Kissy time! Hail a cab? How about a kiss! Scratch your elbow? I smell a kiss!! But even better was the secret Dave and Lorie handshake, which they premiered in the back seat of one cab. It was your standard hand-clenching, finger-flapping, elaborate display. Kind of sweet, kind of nerdy -- just like them. You know that if it were Diana Eng, magnets would be involved.

Posted by B-side on March 3, 2006 1:47 AM