As hour two began (feel free to pause here, get a snack or whatnot. This is a loooong recap), we found John and Scott still sitting in their damn cab. Finally, they stepped out and wandered around the streets, passing the time with some stereotypically gay snipping and passive aggressive bickering. Unsurprisingly, no one wanted to help these guys, let alone talk with them. If only they had their oversized dogs with them. A little canine intimidation surely would have done the trick.

Back with the Frosties a.k.a. the Glamazons a.k.a. Bee & Dazzler, the time in the cab had afforded them an opportunity to reflect on the Brazilian lifestyle. "They live like this," one of the sisters said, adding, "They don't know. It's a culture!" What are you babbling about? You're making no sense right now. By the way, did anyone else notice how gigantic her hand looked at that angle? It was a behemoth. Nevertheless, the sisters ended this thought-provoking discussion by urging their cabbie, "Fast, fast." Hey, at least they didn't yell "RAPIDO! RAPIDO! ANDELE!!!"

That is a large hand.

Well, Jeremy and Eric, or Jeric (as I referred to them in my notes) were the first team to complete the Detour, and for their next stop, they had to trek to the neighborhood of Santa Cecilia, find a warehouse, witness a traditional religious ceremony, and light a candle to get the next clue. They hopped into their helicopter and headed off while another one swooped in to pick up BJ and Tyler. "Dude, is this the most James Bond thing you've ever done?" Tyler asked, marveling at the helicopters. I don't know if I would have said "James Bond." More like Action News 8 Traffic Tracker. But I guess that doesn't sound as cool (unless you work for Fox, whose Los Angeles affiliate treats their traffic reporter like a Navy SEAL who frees hostages every time he takes off in Skyfox 11).

Meanwhile, Dave and Lori's helicopter landed on a building, and the two lovebirds hustled down a staircase and into a random office to search for their clue. And as always, they had their special "We're nerds, and we're happy about it!" music playing all the while. They quickly found their bright yellow envelope sitting under a coffee machine in the office kitchenette. Now, how random was that? Could you imagine being at work, and there's a damn clue for the Amazing Race right in the break room? That's like walking into your cubicle and finding Tribal Council going on. I can just imagine Jeff Probst rolling his eyes and saying, "Excuse me, but we're in the middle of this." At which point I would slink away.

Well, Dave and Lori headed back on their helicopter, as did Wanda and Desiree who found their clue hidden in a luxurious suite in the third building (Wanda could not stop gushing about how wonderful it was. Hey, if you like it so much, why don't you just marry it, WANDA?). Meanwhile, down on the ground, Team Mojo found themselves with one of those typically lame cab drivers who drives slowly and goes in the wrong direction. C'mon cabbie! This is a race! Get with the program! They have matching t-shirts, dammit!!

Any cool points Joseph earned by calling Lake "Scott Peterson," were soon lost, however, when he grew frustrated with the driver and scoffed as if he were in the scoffing championships. Eventually, Joseph resorted to simply yelling "Amigo! Amigo!" It's understandable, really. When I get annoyed, I often yell "FRIEND! FRIEND!" It's pretty effective. You should try it.

Over at the motorcycle place, Double D was about to throw in the towel when all of a sudden, Fran and Barry showed up. If grandma could put this thing together (and she assured us she could), then maybe it was worth sticking around for after all. So Danielle and Dani loitered a bit, trying to glean any information off Team Frarry (in case you can't tell, I have a mild fixation with smushing names. Portmanteaus, if you will). It didn't take too long for the girls to realize that Fran had absolutely no idea what she was doing (surprising, given her proficiency with finding that clue box before), and off they went to the helicopters, hoping to salvage whatever they could from this ill-advised Detour choice.

Rhett and Scarlett showed up at the motorcycle place next, and as they assembled their bike, Lake promised the old couple that he'd help them once he was done -- and had Fran and Barry not been totally clueless, they would have simply left right then and there because honestly, did anyone believe that Lake would really help them?

Yolanda and Ray arrived at the place next, causing Lake to snip, "He'll never put that together quicker than I will." He then added, "That black guy, all he can do is eat watermelon and fried chicken. Yeehaw!!" Okay, maybe Lake isn't that bad, but it sher is fun to vilify him! As for Yolanda, she had to deal with the unwanted catcalls and jeers of the local Brazilian men, all of whom were fixated on watching her grab various motorcycle parts. But don't worry. Ray leveled them all with the evilest of evil eyes. Even I felt like I had done something wrong. If we're lucky, we'll get to see him snap sometimes this series. And it won't be pretty.

Back at the bridge, John and Scott's traffic woes finally passed as they found the Detour clue. They opted for rotor head, even though John had a debilitating fear of flying. Moments later, the sisters happened upon the clue box, and after a spate of ear-piercing screaming, they too decided to go for the helicopters. And with that, more screaming was had.

Posted by B-side on March 3, 2006 1:47 AM