Follow the Lederhosen - 
by B-side
Last week on The Amazing Race, the teams fell into complete chaos as they tried to navigate through the confusing streets of Moscow. In the process, the entire linear nature of the race (1st place, 2nd place, 3rd place, etc) fell to the wayside as everyone seemed to be equally confused as the next person. The good news for us was that this made for exciting and unpredictable television. We couldn't even begin to guess who would be eliminated. Luckily, no one actually was eliminated because it turned out that the episode was one of those Fake Pit Stop shows -- the type where everyone arrives at the mat, Phil holds out his hand, and then at the last second, he pulls it back through his hair and says "PSYCH!" Good times. So now here we were -- still in Russia, still waiting to see how all the pieces would come together, and still reminding ourselves at how much better this season is than Family Edition.
Tuesday's episode kicked off just where the last one left off: Moscow!
I'm sorry. That "Moscow" didn't do justice to the kinetic energy of the intro montage. Let's try this again:
Tuesday's episode kicked off just where the last one left off: MOSCOW!!! MOSCOW!!! MOSCOWWWW!!!! (imagine reverb on that last one). We once again relived that wonderful moment from last week as an eager Team Jeric showed up at the mat expecting a special prize. "What's up, Big Philly style?" they asked him, perhaps softening the host with a little light humor. But if there's anything that can turn Phil icy, it's a lame riff on an already lame Will Smith line. I'm surprised Phil didn't just shake his head and walk away at that very moment.
Anyway, the guys learned they'd be traveling from the land of Stalin to the land of Hitler. Yes, they were off to Frankfurt, Germany where they'd then have to catch a train to Stuttgart and then make their way to the flagship Mercedes factory. But first things first: Frankfurt. "How do we get there?" Jeremy asked.
"Airport?" Eric responded. Oooh, good answer. I was thinking hot air balloon or perhaps hovercraft, but yes, airport is much more logical.
Not long after the mimbos headed off, Lake and Michelle arrived at the mat, all excited to be in second place. If Lake only had two revolvers, he'd have been going all Yosemite Sam in front of Phil. Well, the celebration was short lived as they learned that the leg was not, in fact, over.
"OH SHOOT!" Michelle exclaimed loudly. SHE MIGHT STILL HAVE TO GET NAKED!
Over in their cab, Jeremy and Eric reflected on the beauty of Red Square. "That would have been a prime spot, you know, to be holding hands... with the chicks," Jeremy said. Nice save at the end there, buddy.
"I mean, it wasn't very romantic with Jeremy and I," Eric added, causing Jeremy to respond, "Yeah, it was a little gay. A little gay." Yeah, especially when they took off their clothes:
Soon, Lake and Michelle found their own cab (KAN-KO-WEE-GO!!!), and they too marveled at the entire experience. "We ran across Red Square," Michelle said. "No one else we know could ever say that!" Except, you know, the other eight teams on the race. But that's just me nitpicking again.
Other teams eventually made their way over to the mat, and one after another was shocked by Phil's announcement. Yolanda even stole Michelle's line by yelling, "Oh shoot!" Sadly, Ray did not then punch the air and yell, "DANG GUMMIT!!!"
Meanwhile, over in that theater of nesting doll hell, Fran and Barry were still searching for their microscopic clue. I feared that by the time those two left that place, another Russian Revolution would have come and gone. Luckily, they did finally find what they were looking for, and they zipped off, hot on the trails of some Phil lovin'. Meanwhile, the hippies arrived at the mat fourth and even gave Phil a dollar tip for his good work (cheap bastards. Phil deserves at least five), but they took back the cash when they realized that maybe, just maybe, they might need that dollar. Crazier things have happened on this race.
Amazingly, despite having been stuck with those nesting dolls for a near eternity, Team Frankenberry showed up at the mat right on the heels of the hippies, causing hugs all around. Yay! We're all together!! "Barry and Fran are still in it!" Barry exclaimed. Uh oh -- that sort of brazen confidence usually leads to one thing: PHILIMINATION!
Meanwhile, over at the airport, Jeremy and Eric managed to book themselves on a flight leaving at 7 PM, but when Lake and Michelle tried to get on that very same plane a few minutes later, they learned that ticketing was closed. "Dang gummit!" Lake seethed. You see, people? This is why he hates Russia!
Back at Phil's mat, the teams who had been washing trolleys slowly began to filter in. Team Double D and Wanda and Desiree arrived sixth and seventh respectively and were eventually followed by Mojo in eighth place. Showing up last were the Nerds, which meant they got the old fashioned Phil Fakeout. For a moment, it looked like the songbirds and butterflies that swirl around these two might have just died as Dave and Lori's faces dropped in sadness. However, Phil soon gave them the great news that the leg wasn't over, and just like that, the goofy smiles rightfully returned to their goofy visages. As they headed off, I half imagined the moon winking at them and chuckling.
"So being his dramatic self!" Lori said of Phil. Yes, Lori, just another day at the "psych-you-out Pit Stop," as Dave called it.
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 Next Page... ( Comments ) | Discuss In Our Forums