Elsewhere in Oman, the King finally got to wherever he was going, and the teams could now reach the airport. Not much intrigue this episode as there was really only one flight everyone could take. The only question was whether or not BJ and Tyler would make it to the airport on time. Well, the airport seemed like the last thing on the Hippies' minds at that time. They were more concerned with picking up strangers on the side of the road. Yes, BJ and Tyler decided to fulfill some strange fantasy and picked up a Bedouin hitchhiker just for shits and giggles. Luckily, they didn't wind up with a psychotic nomad with murderous intentions. Instead, they got an affable guy named Abdul Hamid who seemed absolutely delighted to be along for the ride. At one point, the Hippies ran out of gas, but the kindly Abdul Hamid helped out and fronted the bill, which was probably like thirty cents in Oman. Nevertheless, the spirit of sharing really impressed BJ.

"Our friend, Abdul Hamid, he is a Bedouin, and Tyler and I are like American Bedouins," he said. Oh shut up. But he continued: "Somehow, he understands that, and he is hooking us up with mango juice, gas, and candy bars." Uh, I don't think Abdul Hamid is sensing any sort of Bedouin kinship. It's more like you gave him a ride, and he's paying you back. Get over it.

Well, all the teams filed onto their flight where they all discussed the odds of BJ and Tyler making it on the plane. Nada, said master prognosticator Monica, and so Jeremy concluded that based on this expert opinion, the Hippies would not make it on board. Of course, we could sniff out this misdirection a mile away, and sure enough, BJ and Tyler made it on the flight by the hair on their chinny chin chin (and in their case, that is quite a lot of hair). The two entered the cabin in a flurry of loud noise that would have absolutely pissed me off had I been unlucky enough to be on board. I totally would have been shooting passive-aggressive stares.

"How annoying," seethed Monica, and for once, I agreed with her.

"I hate the Hippies," Joseph then added. To be fair, there's not much that he doesn't hate (except boobies. Why else would he be with Monica?).

Anyway, the teams all flew to Perth where they'd have to go to King's Park. We then were treated to a general montage of the couples jockeying for position en route to the park, and at one point, Monica joked that Jeremy and Eric had a stench. Well, at least they still didn't smell like SWORDFISH! I know she didn't smell like swordfish at that point, but she'd probably get all self-conscious about it if you told her. Forty years from now, you could say "Do you smell swordfish?" near her and she'd probably whine "See Joseph? I still smell like swordfish from Sicily!!!"

As usual, Jeric, despite their stench (a stench that I call "homoerotic lust") arrived at the next clue first, and they were so excited, Jeremy actually slapped Eric's ass multiple times. Gosh. Had Jeremy been any more amped, he would have simply yanked down Eric's shorts and sodomized him right there. Anyway, the clue told the guys that they'd have to take a ferry to Rottnest Island. What a lovely name: Rottnest. Only bested by SnotCrab Cove and FecalTrash Beach.

Turns out the ferry to Rottnest left from Fremantle, which was kind of far away. There was some mild drama with some teams opting to take a bus to the ferry instead of a costly cab, but in the end, it didn't matter. The next boat didn't leave until 7:30 AM the next morning anyway. Wah wah wah. And so the teams all had to go find lodgings for the night, and for some, that meant heading to the local hostile. Jeric quickly took a private room, and as they bounded into their dark hole in the wall, we heard Eric happily yell, "Nice! I got bottom!" Indeed. INDEED!

And speaking of sexual innuendoes, Fran and Barry wound up in a room called, "The Pleasure Dome." Before we could even begin squirming uncomfortably, Barry said, "This race has ruined our sex life. I'll tell you that." To which Fran replied, "That's for DAMN SURE!"

GROSS!!!

Never again, Fran and Barry! Never again! I hate the Pleasure Dome!

Well, we never found out what happened in the Pleasure Dome that night (the room was shared with other unseen backpackers). Hopefully it didn't devolve into a drug-induced people pile of orgiastic proportions. All I could imagine were Fran and Barry, lots of leather, some Australian transients, a few joints, and a French tickler.

Now that I've put that disturbing image in your mind, let's move on. The next morning, all the teams boarded the ferry, and once on Rottnest Island, they had to hop onto tandem bikes and trek up to a light house. As usual, Jeric took the early lead, and the oldsters found themselves at the back of the pack. Still, that didn't deter Fran and Barry's can-do spirit. As they hopped on their bike, Fran yelled, "Coming through!" That probably would have been really helpful had there been anyone around. Actually, there was a little girl on like a tricycle or something, but it's not like she was blocking the path in any major way. I can just imagine Fran telling Barry, "Little boy, Big Wheel, 10 o'clock. BEWARE!"

Hey little girl, get out of the MOTHERF@*#KIN' WAY!

Elsewhere on the bike route, the Hippies provided us with some Jeric-quality dialogue. "Push hard! Push hard!" Tyler yelled.

"I'm pushing!" BJ yelled back. Gosh, sounds like the Pleasure Dome all over again.

Anyway, Jeremy and Eric arrived at the lighthouse first, and guess what? Detour time! Yay! This week's choice: "Sand" or "Sea."

Posted by B-side on April 27, 2006 3:32 PM