The Race Is Back! - 
by B-side
The Amazing Race is back in every sense of the word. I absolutely loved the season premiere, thanks to a diverse cast of teams that put Survivor: Cook Islands to shame. It was almost an absolutely flawless premiere -- airport intrigue, navigational woes, gross-out foods -- but one very nasty, very ill-advised twist kind of dampened my love-fest (at least, temporarily). I won't get into the details now, but this surprise felt more like a cheap ploy than anything else. Still, I don't want to carp too much. I was able to put this unwelcomed misstep behind me, and with any luck, the producers won't try any shenanigans like that again (but of course they will). Enough complaining. On to the race!
This season's adventure began where season three's concluded: Seattle (the horrific sight of Flo winning her share of a million dollars. It still smarts, years later). For a moment, I thought there might be a wonderful Phil Keoghan/Dr. Frasier Crane cross-over, but then I realized that Frasier no longer exists -- but the fantasies live vibrantly in my head.
Anyway, it looked like we'd be in for the standard arrival-by-ferry intro (like Family Edition) as we saw Phil riding one of the seafaring vessels through glorious and rainy Puget Sound. But ah ha! Just when we thought we knew our elaborate Race entrances, Betram & Co. pulled a fast one on us and had the teams arrive via an armada of seaplanes! How wonderfully bombastic!
The first team we met were Peter and Sarah, newly dating triathletes. They're just your average, active couple, but oh yeah, Sarah has an artificial leg. "I was born with one leg shorter than the other," she explained in what seemed to be a massive understatement (basically, she had no left leg below the knee). Anyway, turns out that Peter actually makes artificial limbs -- including Sarah's -- and thus it was love at first prosthetic for these two. Kind of puts a new meaning on "screwing your girlfriend." Rimshot! (That joke was all J-Unit).
Next up were Bilal and Sa'eed, two fathers who were just like any two suburban dads, except they were devout Muslims (big beards and all). They promised that no matter how hectic the race was, they were going to pull over and take five minutes to pray. Sounded promising enough. Might be slightly inconvenient during, you know, a footrace or a Roadblock, but hey, at least they have their priorities.
Proving to be our first generic aspiring actor duo of the season were Rob and Kimberly, two delightfully bland Los Angelenos who have a penchant for walking dogs and being snippy. Rob seemed to be slightly melodramatic in his relationship with Kimberly, saying, "She can't control me. I'm a human being! She needs to learn that!" If you prick Rob, does he not bleed??? HE'S A HUMAN BEING, DAMMIT!
"I am flesh and blood, you dragon woman!"
Of course, what's a race without two blonde girls? Filling in that role this time around were Dustin and Kandice, or as they're known in pageant circles: Miss New York and Miss California (don't ask me which one is which). Dustin noted that "Kandice is one of the most competitive people that I've ever met in my life." This was evidenced by the girls randomly sprinting through a park. Makes sense. When my competitive itch kicks in, I too can't help but run full speed through municipal areas.
"FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, WE CAN'T STOP!!!"
Next were David and Mary, or as I like to call them: my favorite team of the new season. David's a coal miner, and Mary's a housewife. And together, they've got two sets of phenomenal teeth. They make British people seem like the paradigm for dental care. Superficial appearances aside, there was no way I couldn't love these two -- even if Mary's voice was a bit, uh, shrill. These two were the epitome of the term "slackjaw yokel," and I couldn't wait to see their minds blown by their impending international adventure. I was slightly perplexed, however, when Mary called her near-mute husband "so cute." Then again, coal miners may have a whole different standard of beauty. For all we know, David's the Fabio of hillbillies.
Increasing the diversity were Asian brothers Erwin and Godwin (a win/win situation, as Double L mentioned in the forums). Godwin told us, "I think that when people look at my brother and I, and especially mme, they say, 'There's a meat head.' But the difference is I studied at NYU for my Masters." Of course, "Asian" and "meathead" aren't really two things that are usually associated together. I think if I were to see Godwin on the street, I'd probably say "Hey, look at that really jacked Asian. He's probably smart." I'd probably then ask, "Why is he molesting his brother's bosom?"
Next up were Duke and Lauren, father and daughter from Rhode Island. They were amazing, only because Duke told us, "When I look at Lauren, I mean, I love her to death. I mean, there's just a teeny bit of disappointment as a father looking at Lauren." And with that, he then began to cry on camera. What the hell?
"I'm gay," Lauren then explained. Ahhhh. Later, as we saw her and her girlfriend in the kitchen with Dad, she said, "We're trying to work on our relationship. And let's face it, nothing heals a wounded relationship like a huge pot of lobster. Today, they shall feast on acceptance!
Duke prepares his world-famous Lesbian Mending Lobster.
Maybe Duke is just disappointed that Lauren's pants-to-torso ratio is so low.
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 Next Page... ( Comments ) | Discuss In Our Forums