Recap: The Amazing Race: Don't Give Me No Lip - 
by B-Side
Am I sounding like a broken record because last night's episode of The Amazing Race was awesome! I really didn't think it was going to be as exciting as it was, and yet those pesky producers and editors know just how to get our hearts beating, even if we already have a nagging sense of how everything will play out. Yes, there were laughter and tears in this week's show, and to top it all off, we had an eating challenge that managed to bring out more wonderful gems from Kimberob, or as I'm temporarily calling them, Kimberwretch. Most exciting of all, however, was the introduction of a new twist: the intersection. How did it work? And how did it play out? Well, you'll just have to read the recap to find out...
Like I mentioned in the Survivor recap, I'm trying to keep my recaps shorter so that they'll be done sooner, and I'll be able to cover more material. If I don't do this, there's a high probability that I might be shot. Anyway, this week's show began with the teams heading off to scenic Madagascar where they'd have to search for a local statue/landmark named the Black Angel, which was just recently painted, um, white. That statue has so jumped the shark.
Anyway, first to leave were the Beauty Queens, who last week smashed up their car when they overlooked the benefits of using their brakes. Well, who wants a Nissan with a janky fender when you can have one with a perfectly unblemished facade? NO ONE. Therefore, Dustin and Kandice happily took another car instead, a move that would surely lead to further acrimony amongst the other teams, most notably the single moms. I gotta say, though. I still don't hate the Beauty Queens!
Next out of the gate were those milquetoast junkie models, who were just brimming with cocky self-assurance as usual. Tyler mentioned that "there are certain times when James is more passive in our relationship and our team." You know, like ALL THE TIME. Tyler then added, "Sometimes when we smoked crack, James was more like puff-pass instead of puff-puff pass." Okay, he didn't say that, but I will say that when we cut to James' boring response, it was clear that he seemed to have aged about ten years overnight. Looks like somebody found the sole opium den of Mauritius!
Rob and Kimberly emerged next, and they annoyingly spoke to us mid-embrace. That's right, in an attempt to show that they really did love each other underneath all the petty bickering, Rob huddled against Kimberly from behind, almost as if they were seat-humping. This was then followed by "Babe, you're sitting on my thigh! BABE!" "I'm not! STOP YELLING AT ME!!!" "I WOULDN'T YELL AT YOU IF YOU DIDN'T SIT ON MY THIGH! IT HURTS, BABE!!!!"
Nevertheless, as Kimberob headed off to the airport, the models once again emphasized their semi-alliance with them. "Rob and Kimberly, we've kind of gelled from the beginning," James said, adding, "You know, we're all incredibly vapid. It's really a bonding point."
Next out of the gate were the Cho brothers, and of course, they decided to wait around for their alliance to show up. C'mon guys. It's nice and everything, but it's time to start running your own race. Soon all of the six-pack was on the road, and Mary couldn't help but be excited about their next destination. "All I know about the cartoon Madagascar, all the animals there. Oh, I cannot WAIT to go!" she gushed. Bad news, Mary. I'm pretty sure there aren't any talking animals in the real Madagascar.
Just like the movie!
Well, there was plenty of griping and complaining about the Beauty Queens leaving their busted-up car for someone else, but it didn't really amount to anything, especially since everyone wound up on the same flight to Madagascar at 11 AM. This led to an incredibly weak airplane diagram, but while the animation wasn't terribly exciting, at least the flight wound up being a doozy for David, who when sitting down told his wife, "I ain't never sit in a window yet. My turn!" Looks like he can cross that one off his list!
Leave Kentucky
Use a blender
Finish Brothers Karamazov
Sit next to a window on a plane
Try pudding
Anyway, once everyone arrived in Madagascar, the search was on for the Black Angel, "which is me, so I don't know why we're looking for it 'cause I'm right here!" Karlyn joked, earning a solid "Wah wah waaaah" from me. Well, the teams all drove around, and while the junkie models dreamed of eliminating Team Kentucky from the race, Rob and Kimberly mused on the anthropological effects of exhaust fumes and local diet in Madagascar.
"Breathing in exhaust is really bad for you," Kimberly observed, trailing off with, "So how do these people..."
"They die a lot younger than we do. That's what happens," replied Dr. Rob McIdiot, Professor of Fume-ilogical Sciences. He then went on to reveal, "Most of them don't get enough protein; so their brains don't develop as much. Brain needs protein." Well, that clears up EVERYTHING! Thank goodness for Rob! A brain like his has surely benefited from a protein-rich diet!
Well, in typical six-pack form, they squandered whatever lead they had as they all drove right past the Black Angel (they were thrown off by the whole white paint thing). While they headed off to who knows where, the anti-six-pack all arrived, tension in tow. "Why is my stomach so nervous this time?" Kimberly asked. IT'S THE FUMES!!! YOU NEED MORE PROTEIN, DAMMIT!!!
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