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I'm feeling irrationally, excessively emotional (fluctuating between depressed, elated, constipated, frantic, and resigned) so it must be that time of the month week again. Thanks for visiting me, American Idol!
Tonight we get three times the magic! Three times the excitement! Three times the thrills! As any mathematician can tell you, three times zero is zero. Call PETA and arrange a truck to the glue factory, cuz this horse is just about beaten dead. THIS. Is American Idol!
Tell us a story, Paw!
This week on American Idol, Yoko got another free plug and I ate over 10,000 depression calories. Thanks, Nigel!
Being rich means never having to say you'll practice proper hair maintenance.
Dear Seabreath,
Why does my vote matter more this week? It would only matter more if fewer people were voting, but that doesn't appear to be the case since you claimed that 45 million people voted last week. I may be the only Asian kid alive who can't do calculus, but I still think this is Fetus's American Idol title to lose. No matter what I do, I can't rock the vote!
"These faces have been on your screens for over three months. You know more about these tools than any other season. You are voting more passionately than ever, but one of them has to go."
For a second, I thought Seabreath was breaking the fourth wall and talking directly to me. I was so startled I dropped my Brooke White voodoo doll. Then I realized I am utterly trapped by the glorious gongshow that is American Idol!
Continue reading "American Idol: American Idol: And Then There Were Four: Voodoo Dolls Really Do Work!" »This week, Neil Diamond proves that he's the only person alive who can make his songs tolerable. He's also the only person alive that looks like Bill O'Reilly made babies with Andrew Lloyd Webber, but that's neither here nor there. This! Is American Idol!
There are times on American Idol where you're left saying "Well, that was quite a shocker", and there are times that you're throwing Little Caesars at the TV and screaming "ROOBBBBBBBBBEEED!"
Guess what kinda night this was for me?
Dear Judges, Andrew Lloyd Webber wants his masks back. This is American Idol goes to Musical Theater Camp, where anything goes!
Continue reading "American Idol: American Idol: Brooke White and Restartgate" »
Now that's it's down to 7 mostly blah contestants, we're losing some steam here on American Idol. Seabreath walks past a somber lineup of the leftover contestants like they're labor camp prisoners waiting for their daily ration of bread and lashings. It's better than what Fetus is used to, though. Also, FOX has gone green, which means they're going to recycle all their eliminated contestants and compost them (run, Ramiele) with a pile of baby pandas donated by NBC and GE!
Continue reading "American Idol: American Idol: Top 7 Results, Too Many Cooks Spoil The Broth, or Something Like That" »It's been almost a full week since Idol Gives Back and if nothing else, I have learned at least one thing. Teri Hatcher will never go away.
Dear Tink, Please leave your hags at the bar. Love, Flipit