This Is Not Aight; This Is Not Aight At All. - 
by madeyoulaugh
Are you tired of sucking and not getting made fun of enough for it? Do you wish you had some sort of physical manifestation of suck? Have you named your daughter Vonzell or your son Constantine, and feel they just aren't getting enough of beatings at school? Well I have news for you.
Former Laker Girl, Paula Abdul, and former, this guy, Randy Jackson, have joined their talents together to teach suck to a new generation. That's right! Painkiller Abdul and Randy "Samuel's cousin" Jackson have so much suck within them, that the only way to spread the power of suck is to carry its contents within a sucktastic 3 disc DVD Box Set of Suck just in time to get to your homes and ensure a good 3 weeks of beatings from your childs classmates before summer.
How much is it? Thats the best part! you wont be paying $39.99, you wont be paying $29.99, you won't even be paying $19.99 like you may all be thinking. You wont pay $15.00 or even $10.00. You can have the complete 3 disc volume of suck for a mere $44.98. .
Supplies are limited, but the suck sure isn't!
This reminds me of the old adage that, "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach...dawg." | Discuss In Our Forums
Comments
ooooh!!! La la la. I'm going to be a singer!
Posted by: punkrox | May 3, 2005 3:01 PM(#1 of 11)
As if Paula Abdul could teach anyone to be a singer. She can't even bring herself to tell the truth to those who openly and obviously suck right in front of her on the show.
Posted by: Ashes | May 3, 2005 3:10 PM(#2 of 11)
MYL, I have to admit I thought you made this up on Photoshop so I made a quick detour to Amazon
To paraphrase Conan this is living proof, "We're all gonna go to Hell when we die"
Posted by: Retroqueen | May 3, 2005 4:07 PM(#3 of 11)
OMG!!! I completely thought you were kidding. I had to click the $44.98 link. And there it was....right before my eyes! My very own portal into suckdom. I ordered two!
Posted by: RealityTV4Me | May 3, 2005 8:19 PM(#4 of 11)
Paula Abdul teaching singing? That's like having Charles Manson teach an etiquette course.
Posted by: Tetsuo | May 4, 2005 2:20 AM(#5 of 11)
Friends, don't be misled. From what I've heard elsewhere, Paula and Randy only "introduce" the instructor, and virtually disappear afterward. I believe they are in it for a total of 11 minutes. I heard this. I didn't buy it. I swear.
Posted by: PC | May 4, 2005 7:04 AM(#6 of 11)
You mean, I *too* will become a superstar in the music business, if only I order this box set? That's all I have to do? And if I order in the next 5 minutes will they also include an absolutely FREE bonus star on the Hollywood walk of fame- just like Ryan Seacrest- mine forever regardless if I decide to keep the set?
Posted by: MissMermaid | May 4, 2005 7:11 AM(#7 of 11)
For of those of you who want to suck real bad but can't afford to suck. You can find it cheaper at Costco. I've seen it live and it person. Thanks for the flashback. I thought I had blocked it out of my memory until now.
Posted by: Betsy | May 4, 2005 7:33 AM(#8 of 11)
Betsy-
This is unrelated (well sorta, the Dr Phil primetime interview IS on tonight)to American Idol, but how many times have you heard the "don't tell Betsy" jokes? I just got a puppy on Friday and people were trying to convince me to name her Betsy so they could make Pat O'Brien jokes for the rest of her little life.
Posted by: Catie | May 4, 2005 8:18 AM(#9 of 11)
I think the first rule for anything that takes talent to be good is;
You can't learn it. If you don't have it, you never will..
I think Randy is a huge joke. A fat sweaty lurp who probably has to role toilet paper and jam it into the many folds of his blobish body to absorb the streams of smelly sweat before they can find thier way to the surface to stain his Wal-Mart shirts. Man, I bet that guy smells bad. Yeah, nice wrist watch Randy. Very expensive but I don't think it changes the fact that people can smell your ass from 6 meters away. Take a shower dude.
Posted by: James | May 4, 2005 1:26 PM(#10 of 11)
I'd pay $44.98 to do Paula but you can keep the DVDs.
Posted by: James | May 4, 2005 1:28 PM(#11 of 11)