Remember this past season on AI, the runner-up Bo Bice? His painful grunting and strained voice seemed abnormal, and definitely not healthy. I didn't dub him "Penis Neck" for nothing -- the guy sounded like he needed a Correctol (the only gentle woman's laxative on the market) stat.

Well, the clouds have cleared, and beyond it, a light and clarity so blinding it runs through me like my morning coffee.

It's official, straight from MSNBC's mouf: "American Idol" runner-up Bo Bice had emergency surgery for a blockage in his intestines, and won't be returning to the "Idol" tour.

I kneeeeew he had to take a shit and couldn't while on stage, I just KNEW it. You guys should hear me sing during Passover! Not unlike Bo Bice folks.

You know those doctor's removed a Drano-commercial-worthy doody-sized hairball from inside him, ya just know it.