Simon appears to be really hard on the gender impaired and sexually confused teens. Doesn't he realize that they have a hard life already without being ridiculed by him on national TV.

At least Zachary and Marlows Davis are either too deluded to notice the knocks or are really comfortable with the way they are.

Nevertheless, I think a lot of the fem guys will convert to the most masculine version of John Wayne once they see themselves on TV. Albeit the Brokeback John Wayne.

OK B-side boys. Leave the punching of the cute white boy out of this. He will-not be this years Constantine. Too cute for that. He and Chris were my favorites.

Predictions: Lisa Tucker will make the top 4. You did peg her 'entitlement' attitude. I noticed it too but think that Diva attitude will mop the floor with the other, weak-minded girls.

Who knew turkeys were such divining rods for vocal success!?! Someone get that O-town guy a hen, ASAP!

Seriously, ANTF (#1), if these people are idiotic enough to go on this show when they know FULL WELL they can't sing, I have no pity for them. They deserve all the Simon ribbing they get. As IF Zachary didn't actually buy girls clothes like B-side said! He just needed a gimmick to get his crossdressing ass on TV.

Not to get off on a tanget but I am SICK of AI showing every black man as effeminate or a gimmick (twins, baseball players son). Where are the single, masculine black males? I know they're out there. You'd think we were all faggy or twins according to AI. What, straight, black males don't get ratings?

ANTF, some black men have done well in this competition in the past, and some guys who went far in their seasons, like Ruben and George, were portrayed all along as nice guys. When any male, black, white, latino, or any other race, goes in and sings badly in falsetto, the insults will come. Didn't Simon insult lots of white guys too, and wasn't Zachary the one the producers focused on the most? The early audition shows don't show us many of the good singers of any race, but later on good black male singers will get more screen time, along with the many good females and good males of other races we didn't get to see.

I too noticed the Crying Game soundtrack being played for Zachary. I almost peed my pants. What was also special was Randy staring at Zachary's crotch after he announced he wasnt a girl.
Priceless.

Zachary has to be the sweetest thing I've ever seen. Z better be ready for the intrigued....

Something tells me there is more to the story; surely his family had a reason for letting him be set up for such a spectacular public embarrasment. Poor kid. Hope he finds his way.

That move Ms. Berg thought she invented was called a "fish flop" 4 decades ago when I learned to do it in my dance/acro class...

I thought Garet was absolutely adorable! I really hope he comes out of his shell and wins. I tend to have a soft spot for the sheltered ones. What's up with the town of 4 people?

my roommates and i were watching and betting on who would be good and who would be bad... because whenever the producers spend time on a person, they're either horrible or awesome. when garet the cowboy came up, we were perplexed. he sure didn't look like he could sing, but they spent the production money to go to his house and shoot footage of his turkey, so we knew he had to be going to hollywood.

also, during "flawless's" audition, i was convinced he was just going to sing, "and you can tell everybody this is your song" over and over and over again, since he did it three times to start with.

Great recap B-Side, but i thought there were a couple more things about Zach worth mentioning. First, his mothers white lipstick-what the hell? Did she think her fake tan needed to be offset by making her mouth look like she justed licked a jawbreaker and spread it over her lips-ok, I only know that look because my friends & I did that in junior high. Second, not only did Zach accuse the judges of being prejudiced toward him/her, but also racist. I didn't know "Transvestite" has now been added on to the Census Bureau questionaire to be checked along side Caucasian, Hispanic, etc.

I loved Chris, way more than the pretty boy who needs to be punched and even the talent show graduate Lisa. Pretty boy obviously has Paula creaming her jeans but his voice is boring. And while Lisa is talented she's kind of run-of-the-mill. Simon seems to favor the young pretty girls even if they sound like every other Star Search finalist. (Like she was)

I missed the turkey-boy segment-is there somewhere online I can see it?

MindyLou, I think the "town" is a ranch, so the town is made up of the people who work the ranch.

(#12) - Maybe so, but how do you arrive at a total of 4 people in your town, when there are FIVE of you standing in your stetsons mugging for the cameras? I guess one of them doesn't live on the ranch. Also, if he has never left the ranch before, how does he know that his "town" isn't any bigger than the confines of the ranch's many acres? "What's that, Paw? Ya mean, there are other people out there beyond them fenceposts?" Are there only four people in his family? Garet has become my underdog of the season.

Den of Earth - I agree. Poor darling Zach - Maybe a trip to Hollywood would have been a good thing?

A few things--

The wannabe Constantines this season make me hate the original more.

Did anyone notice the security guy take the 'cosmic coaster'off the judges table? Possible bomb scare- or just afraid he would throw water on the judges?

I was really glad they sent Garet to Hollywood. So sweet and sheltered, he said his dream was to be on a plane! I hope he makes it far enough in the competition for the highlights and spiky hair and trendy clothes.

b-side,
just a question: when you wrote
"Rumor has it that the buzz on Garet is so strong, a sheep might stop by the next performance", did you intentionally say 'buzz' because sheep get sheared with razors? sheer brilliance if i ever saw any.

*side note: speaking of rumor has it--that was the shittiest movie i've ever seen

hmm, between garets choice of song (ahem, elton john?) and his limp wristed jumping, maybe its time he heads to hollywood and out of wyoming!

This re-cap was laugh out loud fun. So many funny things, my head is spinning. B-Side- when are you going to write a book already?

I can't believe Simon, that bastard! I truly thought for a moment that he was gonna get the sheltered cowboy some lessons. That would've been great.

tvaholic- I could not stop looking at that mom's white lipstick.. we need a side-by-side comparison of her and the tan girl's whore-ish mom!

Ash-it's also scarey that Zach was dressed better than tan girl. Actually, he was looking downright boring for a transvestite. He needs to watch "To Wong Foo.." (btw, I love that movie!)

anonym.."sheer brilliance if i ever saw any."

no, it would be, "shear" brilliance! :0)
wah wah wah wah....

helenann- "shear" brilliance on your part for pointing that out!!

B-side's jokes are just so multi-dimensional these days

Nicely done, Helenann.

cowboys and the word nervousing make me laugh... still.

I can't stand to watch this show, and knowing that they are now exploiting these confused kids makes me hate it even more.

(This hatred comes from the fact that I find myself humming Kelly Clarkson songs from time to time.)

You know I thought the coaster boy asked Paula if she wanted to get engaged, but my bf said I was hearing things. Thank you B-Side for confirming this. Round #4327 goes to me! Plus, thanks for the laugh when you wrote "surprisingly she said no." Seeing how it's rumored that Paula once paid $10K to a agency to find her a man, it's shocking she'd say no to someone who's offering to marry her for free.

Hilarious re-cap.
I watched the first night. And while I usually enjoy watching people with a bizarre lack of self-awareness humiliate themselves... for the first time in 5 years, I did not watch the second night. Now I'm kind of sorry I missed it.
BTW, for everyone complaining about the way Simon is treating some of the contestants whose genders know no bounds... GLAAD is accusing the show of being homophobic. There's a link to an article on drudgereport.com.

I don't know why America is so fascinated with this show? I cannot stand it. I'm so sick of Paula Abdul's constant positive BS. I find it so funny that *she* of all people can judge other singers. She's the queen of lip synch and studio vocal over production. I dont think she has ever done a live performance, that was not lip synced?

Its star search all over again.

"Thanks, Mrs. Winklefeathers!"

um, amazing.

katieshole-- i think people are so fascinated with the first few episodes of the show because they love to see morons who genuinely think they have 'the gift' make complete fools of themselves..as to why they watch paula abdul bobble her oversized head like a chihuahua for the rest of the season is beyond me

Garet was my absolute favorite-he was the sweetest little thing. Lisa looks like Simon's girlfriend only 10 years younger-maybe that's why he liked her. As for the guy you want to punch in the face-it is probably because his name is "Ace."

P.S. I love how the name of the pic of "Constantine in 3 years" is fatstantine.

Can someone PLEASE tell Randy that he can't "Welcome anyone to Hollywood" until they actually SHOW UP IN HOLLYWOOD.... He should just say "you're going to Hollywood" or something like that...
And I think the whole Zachary thing was totally made up...a TOTAL act. Like by a Mad TV actor or something...just like Chris Wylde last year.

I agree with Den of the earth--poor Zach, and I also agree, there's a whole world out there for an individual such as herself, I only wish she had knowingly played the gender-bender, ala Annie Lennox, or David Bowie (not that she had the chops)

I think it's pretty cool that Zach walks among us and is okay with being unique!!! But I agree with LQ--a trip to hollywood is definitely in order . . .

Also, isn't it clear this time that the ones who will be contestants are shown at home, l can't imagine why else they would have that footage

I agree with you Victoria. Lisa DOES look like Simon's gf. I thought that right away.

Hey juddfan!- are you gonna change your name when the new Survivor starts?