I heard the Zombie people were actually protesters. They were protesting how TV makes you a Zombie, or something exciting like that.

Nothing makes me happier than watching fat girls throw themselves around in anger. Thank you Tessie Tantrum!

Zombies are sweet. It was a zombie flash mob, one of many to hit North America in the last year or so. There was one in Detroit this weekend at the Super Bowl, I've heard.

More on flash mobs, zombie or otherwise:
http://tinyurl.com/9cstd (The Daily Texan)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flash_mob

When are people going to learn that NO ONE looks good in red pants-not even skinny girls-and especially not fat girls?

I believe those are the fashion don't known as the "hot pink trouser". And I believe that the mass which precedes Tessie Mae Reid is known as the "FUPA" or "Fat Upper Pussy Area".

OH that poor girl! What was she thinking?

Funny recap whoever you are.

All I have to say is, Thank God there is only one more night of these crappy auditions.
Now we just have to get through a few weeks of the train wreck that is "Group Auditions." What a total mess that is as well.

Nothing worse than 5 no talents all singing out of tune in unison.

Why can't they just pile all of the idiots into a two hour episode and be done with it? Put the rest of the losers on the FOX website for those who want more of the same S%#T!

Am I the only one who enjoys the auditions more than the finals? The auditions are funny. Watching people get humiliated makes me happy.

The final round makes me sick. It's nothing but one big lovefest. Everybody is so nice to everybody, and all of them can sing reasonably well... 12 weeks of feel-good TV. Where's the fun in that? Heh.

On my soapbox now!

This is what is wrong with this country.

Parents over indulge their children in an effort not to damage their precious self esteem, which if damaged would result in drug use, prostitution, illicit sex, teen pregnancy and bad grades. Heaven forbid kids hear the truth.

Then, fat untalented kids that cannot sing (dance,or act) are devasted and humiliated when they are told they suck. Two Ton Tessie is the perfect example! Get a clue Tessie, the judges were trying to help you and spare you further humiliation (funny though it is). Blame your parents, not Simon, the ape resembling Paula, and the bug eyed Randy.

KH

OMG, Lizard queen you are so funny! I am ready for them to go to hollywood. I hate how AI this season is giving these huge backstories to people we will never see again and then show us all these people who made it thruogh that we know nothing about. It seems on this season more then others people are just doing it to get on tv. Kinda boring. I sat get on with it. Although Ryan is better this year I think.

I actually like it better when they get down to the top 30. I like to hear the real singers, and see how they handle the pressure that comes with trying to break into showbiz on national TV. Maybe b/c I think I'm a good singer, and I wish that I had something like AI when I was still young enough to participate in it. I do agree that those parents that keep feeding their no-talent children with praise b/c they're afraid to hurt their feelings are just making it worse though. Either that or they're tone deaf!

katieshole -

make some room for me on your soapbox, cause I'm right there with you.

zoobabe, you have no fucking clue what real singers are if those hacks are what you call real singers.

Really, REALLY fat people seem to be unusually susceptible to the notion that if they wear wacky, bright clown clothes no one will notice they're fat. I think it's also a way of exaggerating their "I am ME!" "specialness" by setting themselves even farther apart from the rest of the human race than they are already by simply taking up three airplane seats or making the glassware on the table shudder when they walk into the room.

Can't you be YOU with a good cut and color and some clothes that didn't belong to Bozo?

Also, I'm with you, KH (#8). I also think this whole "anyone can be a star" bit really wrecks a lot of people's lives in this country. Every child should have to read "Hollywood Babylon" in grade school. Then they'd think twice.

Yeah, the Zombies descended on American Idol auditions in Texas shouting "Television rots your braaaaaaaiiiins."

Your review was worse than "Pull My Wanker in a Movie Theater" Dan.

BrugaCMH, Papi is Dan and the review was fine. There wasn't much to work with.

joyfulchicken, you're not the only one who tunes in just to watch the audition episodes. I like it more than the actual competition, it's funnier and more entertaining than watching people who can actually carry a tune.

katieshole - AMEN!

I get equally annoyed at the people who give their kids the impression they are perfect, good at everything, and can do no wrong.

Some of these kids who audition, I wonder if they are in the category where the parents are trying to live out their own dream thru the kids. I know people who go that route where they push and push the kid to keep working on something they themselves wish they had done. Mostly I see it in sports, but it makes you wonder. I find it so hard to believe some of the people that audition actually don't realize how bad they suck.
I wonder if they know that not only does the camera add 10 pounds, but it doesn't improve your voice either.

Joyfulchicken and Tracie, count me in as enjoying the auditions more than the finals. Except I wouldn't go so far as to say that the final 12 can all sing reasonably well. There's always one or two disasters that sneak in (Mikaylah anyone?) and hang around a week or two longer than they should.

I can see RJ shaping up as this year's Constantine, i.e. the guy who thinks he's hotter and more appealing than he actually is.

katieshole- though there might not be any room left in your soapbox (seeing as most of the posters agree with you), i was wondering if you could squeeze in one more person..(i promise i will take up very little space)

why the hell do these auditioners keep humiliating themselves on television, saying that 'everyone they know says [they're] good"? maybe the better question is: who are these people who are telling the AI rejects that they actually have talent?
*parents: let american idol laughingstocks like tessie (guess she could get a job braiding lanyard?), crystal (the girl whose skin looks like the oustide of an orange creamsicle, and zachary (no words- just pity)teach you a lesson: NEVER encourage your kids to go on national tv if they suck at singing..it does not help them..it only hurts them in the long run. encourage them to do other things..that's all i'm sayin'

Tracie and Aries, I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who enjoys watching other people's misery.

I think that some people who can't sing a note to save their lives still think that they have a shot because they believe that image and attitude is more important than talent in the modern pop music industry. To a certain extent, they're right.

For instance, the technology to correct pitch in real-time is already available, which potentially enables tone-deaf people to become pop stars... as long as they have the looks and the charisma.

Sorry, Tessie Mae. It's still a "no" for you.

My personal fav is how these people who stood in line to sing for the judges walk out declaring that the judges' opinions don't matter to them. "It doesn't matter what they say, I know I'm good, they can't judge me, I don't care what they say, I don't need this show..." If the judges' opinions don't matter, you don't need the show, and you don't care what the judges say then WHY ARE YOU THERE? People act like such idiots to avoid admitting that it just might be their own lack of talent that is to blame.

Great review!

I am a long time lurker who came out to give Dan some love, the reviews are not as seasoned as maybe some of the others but I think he is off to a good start. I LOL alot on this site and Dan is learning the fine art of snark. I am a mom who had to tell her daughter a decade ago that she was not a great singer and that we needed to find another talent just incase she chose to participate in the Miss America Pagent(pre AI) She is 17 and grew up fine and since AI has started she has thanked me for being honest with her and not lie to her like these ohter parents do so she wouldn't be deluded to think that she had singing talent and embarass herself on national television. if i can figure out what a URL is I will post this. Thanks for all the laughs

Thanks, gang!

There's always room on my soapbox, for all. It's getting quite large, but I feel good about it!

KH

You know what annoys me about Ryan Seacrest (aside from, of course, his overbaked tanning bed tan and the catchphrase "Seacrest - OUT!")? He's not one of the judges, so it's not his job to tell people that they suck. Thus, when some talentless loser comes out of an audition all teary-eyed after having Simon tear them a new one, he can pretend to be all sympathetic and caring as if he doesn't turn around as soon as they're gone and make fun of them with the judges like we all know he does. It's not that they don't deserve the ridicule. I just wish he wasn't so obviously fake.

Actually, while I'm on this subject, I don't know what the hell he's even doing at the auditions. What is his function there? From what I can tell, he just flits around like a useless busybody and butts into emotional moments between people and their loved ones so that he can have his face on screen for an additional ten seconds. I half expect him to start jumping up and down and flailing his arms, yelling "Look at me! Look at me! Look what I can do! Look at meeee!"

On a different note, I'm surprised you didn't mention Simon's potato bag comment about Tessie Mae. I thought it was one of the funniest comments of his I've ever heard. Much better than his standard "That was dreadful" lines.

I guess I've drunk too much of the AI kool-aid because Ryan Seacrest's presence at the auditions makes sense to me. It seems to be as much of a given as Paula acting drunk and/or high, Randy saying "dawg" or "pitchy" or Simon proclaiming someone the worst singer of the day or worst in whatever city they happen to be in. That's just how AI rolls.

I'm not anti anything, but I do have an observation. The only people that seem to be trying out are either women/girls or gay men. What's going on here?

I wish I had just an ounce of these rejects cocky self-confidence. Could you imagine how great your world is if you think you are the shit? Parents of America, please watch AI and learn why sometimes you have to say "no" to your kids, and that they won't all make the team or be number one. There should be a PSA-the more you know...

holyterror(#13)-did a fat kid take away your Snickers bar when you were little? Did daddy run away with the circus fat lady? What's with the hating on fatties? Even Simon left it at a general potato sack comment. I think there's a lot of people with body dysmorphic disorders-just like how anorexics & bullemics think they are fat no matter how skinny they are, the opposite also holds true. We all know plenty of big people who dress like they are size 6's. Maybe we could start a fund to send Tess a mirror. Or what about Stacy & Clint from "What not to Wear?" We need an intervention here!

Somebody please tell Randy that "Good lookin' out" is something we USED to say about TEN YEARS ago as a way of thanking someone for a favor (aka "a solid"). It was not intended to be used as a substitute for "good-bye" or "nice job" or whatever he wants to use it for. If you can't use slang properly, then dude, just be your normal self.

Will someone PLEASE get this man a copy of the "Handbook of Black American Slang"? PLEASE???