First of all, some things I missed from last week:

1) Stevie Scott will be a Judge's Wild Card pick. At least I hope. She deserves to go on the Idol tour. Maybe Eeyore too. But definitely Stevie.

2) Whoever left a comment saying Elliot reminds you of Alf: please never leave comments like that again. Because now, every time I see Elliot, I think "Alf." And then he sings, and I think "Look, Alf is singing." Now I have Alf on the brain, and I'd rather not have him there. It's not Elliot's fault his parents didn't get him braces. And I mean that in the nicest possible way. Let's all hope Elliot doesn't read this, because I think he's great and I'd hate to hurt his feelings. Do you think Elliot would know that I lauged out loud when I read the Alf reference? And while we're on the subject, why isn't Alf on Nick At Nite?

3) I've been spelling Miss McPhee's name incorrectly all this time. It's Katharine, not Katherine. Sorry, K-Phee. For the record: I have no idea if I'm spelling Elliot's name correctly but I don't have enough time to go check.

4) Why is Paula's doctor (alledgedly) still writing prescriptions? I don't understand why it's legal to give someone pills to the point that they make no sense. Drug companies pay politicians lots of money, I guess.

~~~

This week:

...speaking of Lady Abdul: After Simon called her out for "being annoying" (read: "high on pills again") during the girls' Tuesday sing-off, Paula jumped on her Huffy bike and switched chairs with Randy--which put her in position to comment first. And she mysteriously pulled it together. She was articulate, insightful, and blunt. No more "Your light shines from within" crap. I loved it. She needs to go first from now on, so she doesn't feel pressure to be nice. Who knew that would make such a huge difference?

Although on Thursday's results show (alledgedly) she was just totally wasted or something. But that's good. Booze is better than pills. It's an easier withdrawl process when you're in Betty Ford. Pills are a nasty habit to kick, stay away from them.

Anyway--

First up: Katharine McPhee--"All In Love Is Fair"
She has the most electrifying control over her voice, she packs power into even the softest, bluesiest notes. And she's gorgeous. Apparently she saw Ace's performance last week with the brooding stares and thought I can do that. 'Cause K-Phee was all over that camera lens. The judges didn't like her song, and I don't understand why. I loved it. Although she's worked the piano-bar standards thing for all it's worth; time to do something new. Can she sing more upbeat songs? We'll see. What a shame if she was a one-trick pony. But it's a good trick nonetheless.

Kinnik Skye--"Here For The Party" (or something like that)
Kinnik...how do I say this politely?...There is this gay club here in Austin called Charlie's, where all these black queens dress in drag and prance around on stage, and make crazy facial expressions while they shriek and scream and lip sync songs. They're interesting to watch, simply because they are such spectacles. Do you get where I'm going with this?...Kinnik, the weird clothes, the screaming of the songs for no reason...if you did your performance at a drag pageant, everyone would believe you were one of those queens. Because this week, you looked like a dude.

I'm just sayin'.

Lisa Tucker--"Who's Loving You"
Great voice. Cute girl. High school talent show. Otherwise knows as "The Next Jasmine Trias." NEXT--

Melissa McGhee--"Why Haven't I Heard From You"
She looked good this week--hair away from her face, moderate makeup, cute outfit. And her song? Fantastic...technically speaking. Her voice is perfect for recording; close your eyes and listen, she's lovely. But for a while, I couldn't put my finger on why she's not "connecting." It's no fun watching her perform. Perhaps it's the fact that she always, always has this halfway, non-committal smile on her face that isn't the slightest bit exciting. It's not even a real smile. It's just there, looking unobtrusive and agreeable in a passive way. She needs to laugh more, or stop smiling entirely, or something.

And then when she finished singing, Idol went to commercial break, and an ad came on for that movie starring Amanda Byrnes. And then it hit me. Melissa looks exactly like Amanda Byrnes. And Amanda Byrnes could, quite possibly, be the most boring actress on the planet. Not good. Melissa really, really needs to go back to blonde.

Heather Cox--"Hero"
Oh please. I'm sending her my cleaning bill, for making me barf all over my couch. "Hero?" NEXT--

Brenna Gethers--"Last Dance"
Cheshire Cat. Be gone.

Paris Bennett--"Wind Beneath My Wings"
This week, Paris sang just to hear the sound of her voice. And she wanted to make sure she was loud enough for her voice to come out of TVs that weren't even tuned to Fox, so everyone in America could hear her voice too. I can imagine all the morons watching According To Jim being very confused by the sound of Paris Bennett coming out of their speakers while Jim Belushi was on screen. But I imagine the Jim Belushi crowd is easily confused anyway.

Posted by Papi on March 3, 2006 4:50 PM