The Sky Has Fallen! - 
by B-side
This week on American Idol, the singers had to take on music from the 1950s. I thought this would be a recipe for disaster, much like the Stevie Wonder slaughterfest, but against all odds, nearly everyone brought their A-game to the show. Maybe the big-stage nerves had quelled, or maybe the straightforward melodies were easier for everyone, or maybe everyone was simply inspired by Barry Manilow. Whatever the reason, American Idol caught a much-needed spark, despite an unwelcome and unappreciated cameo by Constantine Maroulis.
Barry shows us what a face-lift feels like.
The groaning starts early for me as we watch the kids travel to Vegas for some inspiration by one Barry Manilow. I've never been a big fan of Barry Manilow, but then again, I'm also not above humming the occasional "Mandy" (or "Daybreak" or "Copa Cabana." Holy shit. What's happening to me??). Anyway, I'm expecting bad things from Barry, but he actually surprises me. He proves why he's been able to hang around for so many years: the guy really does seem to be a smart, knowledgeable musician. Barry helps all the singers not only sing, but find interesting, thoughtful takes on their songs. As a result, this week's episode features one of the strongest slates of performances in ages. Maybe next week the producers can tap the valuable resource that is Robert Goulet.
Mandisa opens the show by absolutely nailing her song. Whatever pitch troubles and nervousness she had last week are gone because she's flawless for the entire performance. I mean, she's truly amazing. She could eat Kevin "Chicken Little" Covais for breakfast. She probably already did.
Insert nasal growl here.
Oh Bucky. Bucky Bucky Bucky. I wanted to like Bucky so much. I wanted him to suddenly emerge as the guy who caught us all by surprise. Sadly, Bucky is just not meant for this competition. He growls his way through a Buddy Holly song, and despite his high energy and smile, it's just totally lame. Randy and Paula praise his energy, but Simon sticks him with the dreaded "Karaoke" label. He's gotta be a lock for elimination this week -- or at least bottom two.
Paris Bennett sings a solid version of "Fever." Thankfully, she does absolutely nothing this week to annoy me. She doesn't even sing through her interview with Ryan. However, her entire performance is completely ruined by Constantine Maroulis who pops up to give his signature, awful pout. Making matters worse is the presence of wannabe rocker Ryan Cabrera, whose only claim to fame was being Ashlee Simpson's boyfriend for about two seconds. His hair looks like a giant bird's nest, which then had me wishing a pigeon might fly into the studio and take a huge shit on his head. Alas, no such luck.
It's so awful in so many different ways.
This is embarrassing. Even Ryan Cabrera is bored.
Dreamy!
Do I really need to say anything about Chris? The guy's amazing. Chris reinvents Johnny Cash's "Walk the Line" into his own brand of generic, Fuel-type rock, but hey, it works. Everyone eats it up, as they always do. Some people are just naturals. Chris is one of those people (as opposed to rock poseurs Constantine and Ryan Cabrera, who appear on screen again to throw their support behind Chris).
Katharine McPhee, appearing in a baggy dress like always, starts off her segment by complaining that Simon couldn't remember her name on an interview with Fox. It just so happens that the girl who interviewed Simon was none other than his girlfriend, and she receives a nice big shout out on camera.
"I'm vacuous!"
After Katharine is finished grousing about Simon, she knocks 'em all dead with her second amazing performance in as many weeks. The McPheever is coming on strong, but she'll never be able to unseat Mandisa and Chris. Will she?
Taylor Hicks takes the stage and sings a rather forgettable Buddy Holly song. However, he still manages to jazz up the crowd by dancing around the stage like a madman. Of course, in this case, "dancing" means Taylor walks back and forth as if he's tiptoeing down a hallway that's only five feet high. Randy and Paula love the performance, especially the dancing (huh?), but Simon keeps it real and says that this isn't a dancing competition. Paula takes immediate offense to this and jumps up like an angry springer spaniel. She says some incoherent gobblety goop about upbeat and downbeats and who knows what. She's ridiculous and in desperate need of a tranquilizer.
Yay for painkillers!
In random celebrity news, Andrew Firestone takes a break from his busy schedule of appearing on Iron Chef to attend Tuesday's live show. The little girl next to him seems to be just as bored as Ryan Cabrera, except with better hair. Other D-list celebrities in attendance are Jasmine Trias (Her damn flower is like a target for fists and other flying objects) and Lindsay Cardinale -- a girl who never saw a flat note she couldn't happily embrace.
"I'M ON TV!!!! WHOOOHOOO!!!! Oh wait. I'm the only one screaming. This is awkward."
There once was a time when Lisa Tucker was considered the front runner. Now she's merely an afterthought. I don't know where this aspiring diva's personality went, but I imagine it was sucked into the black hole of adolescent annoyance that is Paris Bennet. Lisa sings her way through a forgettable version of "Why Do Fools Fall In Love," and judges only give her a mild "Aiiight." Looks like somebody's headed back to the bottom three! Don't worry. The Mickey Mouse Club will always welcome her.
Oh look! My high school variety show is on TV!
| 1 | 2 Next Page... ( Comments ) | Discuss In Our Forums