The medley ends with Mandisa powering through "I'm Every Woman," and again, I can't believe that she was ejected from the competition so early on. I mean, the woman has pipes that McPhee can only dream of. We then head back to Ryan, who's standing at a podium. Oh, might there be another Golden Idol on the horizon? Please? Pretty please? There is! This time, it's for "Best Impersonations." It's actually a pretty funny category. We first see that one guy who thought he was Cher. Then we see a dude who tried to be Michael Jackson, and lastly, we see that weird organism that claimed to be Clay Aiken's doppleganger. I personally think the award should go to the Cher guy because he's just so ridiculous, but instead, the producers give it to the Fake Aiken. His name is Michael Sandecki, and he's actually there to accept the award. Even more astounding is that Ryan then asks him to sing. Great.

Fake Aiken begins belting out "Don't Let the Sun Go Down On Me," and as expected, it's terrible. But wait! Something is happening! The doors/screen opens up behind Fake Aiken, and a shadowy figure emerges. Is it KD Lang? No. Is it Garth Brooks's weird alter-ego guy? No. Not him either. Wait, is it Paul Reubens from Blow? Nope, no that either. Why, it's the real Clay Aiken! And he has a new moptop hairstyle! Sorry, Clay. You still look ridiculous.

Thanks to TVgasm reader Andrea for pointing this out...

In general, I hate any moment that vaguely involves Clay Aiken, but even I have to admit that this is priceless. Turns out Fake Aiken doesn't know the real Clay is behind him, and when he sees him, he absolutely freaks out. It's better than any Punk'd episode thus far. The two begin singing together, and Fake Aiken absolutely cannot believe it. The expressions on his face are some of the greatest I've seen on Idol. They're a mixture of joy and embarrassment and fear and excitement and fear again and just general "WTF????" Well done, producers. Well done.

"Tell me, Michael. Would you mind if I kissed you right now?"

Of course, one of the best parts of this whole scenario is that Fake Aiken actually keeps singing. Doesn't he realize that he's supposed to step aside and let the master(bater) take over? Luckily, Ryan yanks the guy away and seats him in a chair so he can marvel from afar without getting too close to The Aiken. By the way, it should be noted that while Clay is certainly better than his biggest fan, he still pretty much sucks. And I bet it won't be long before he engages in male plastic surgery. He looks the type.

Another commercial later, and we find ourselves with the hippest musical act out there: Burt Bacharach! He's been really making the rounds this season. First Dancing with the Stars, then The Apprentice, and now this. And still no one cares. The guy's a legend, but seriously, stop taking up so much prime reality TV real estate.

Normally, I'd take this time to nap a little, but I have a feeling that we'll be seeing some Grade A butchery, and sure enough, I'm right. When it comes to butchery, nothing compares to Ace Young and his mosquito voice. I'm sure Burt is absolutely delighted when he hears Ace sully "The Look of Love," and to add insult to injury, Melissa McGhee further shreds the song with her smokey yet off-key voice.

Later, when Mandisa sings "Say A LIttle Prayer," I have extremely high hopes for something awesome. So does the crowd, which goes nuts. It's a pretty awesome little performance, but oddly enough, Mandisa forgets the word "prayer." Yes, "prayer." I don't know if it's a religious thing or not, but she says, "I say a little [wince] for you!" Oh, c'mon, Mandy! You can't be doing that! The music suddenly calms down, and we see Lisa Tucker framed in a spotlight by the piano. I half expect someone to say, "And now, ladies and gentlemen: that girl we all forgot about." She sings pleasantly enough -- as always -- but then the real show stopper comes out: Kevin Covais. Okay, this performance is hilarious. Kevin has to sing "What's New Pussycat?" It's amazing. Comic gold. Even Kellie Pickler can't stop laughing (then again, she may be experiencing the euphoria of having dodged a frightful lobster attack). As the girls do a little oompa dance in the background, Kevin sings "Puthycat puthycat, you're delicious!" OH MY GOD. Whoever assigned this song to him has a wicked sense of humor. I pretty much lose it with mighty guffaws when he then sings, "You have your puthycat lipth!" Absolutely amazing.

Kevin is then followed by Chris and Ace, who start off their song kind of off. Chris seems to be in the wrong key, and Ace employs some falsetto that makes him sound like Mrs. Doubtfire. It's awful. Eventually, Paris Bennett comes out and sings "Close To You" ("Why do birds suddenly appear?" is now totally in my head. Thanks, PARIS), and then here's a neat surprise: Dionne Warwick comes out. To her credit, she looks pretty good. I know she's probably had some work done, but it's good work, unlike, say, the rush job done on Paula. Anyway, Dionne sings "Walk On By" (I believe), which is cool, but it's not until she busts out "That's What Friends Are For" that the audience goes nuts. And why not? It's the ultimate sappy song. It's the kind of song you wave your arms at back and forth in concert (unlike, say, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow"), but oddly enough, no one in the audience is doing shit. Gosh, these people don't know what they're doing. At least Paula gets into it by placing a hand on Simon and Randy's backs. Aww. Friendship! So nice! NOW LET'S GET TO THE RESULTS, ASSHOLES.

Posted by B-side on May 25, 2006 11:15 AM