Here are the semi-final rules that surprisingly, make absolutely no sense. The judges put 61 acts through to the semi-finals, so over the course of 4 nights there will be 15 acts per night. 15 acts, yes, but not 15 performances. What is that you say? Madness! Why indeed it is! Apparently, there isn't enough time for all 15 to perform on television. Then why put all the acts through in the first place? It just makes no sense and it's bad planning. So all the acts had to perform for the judges off-camera and the judges picked the 10 performers they wanted to see again. How riveting! So now all 15 acts are in the studio audience waiting for Reege to call them up one by one - because the 5 losers who don't get to go on again have absolutely no idea. Over the course of two nights - oh that's right, they've taken The Hoff into results show territory -two acts will be put through to the finals. Tonight the judges will make their pick; on Thursday, the audience vote is revealed. It's just a little all over the place and doesn't have that air of composure and organization that a one Mr. Ryan Seacrest exudes. Oh, they've also gotten rid of the buzzer system. Well, not exactly, just now the buzzers can either be a check or an X, and they symbolize whether they should go through, not their overall talent. Don't think too much about it. It's better that way.

Taylor Ware

Taylor Ware is the AAAAdorable yodeler who stole our hearts in the audition round. Last time we saw Taylor we discovered that she learned how to yodel using a book, and this week we get to see it. The book is literally called, So You Want To Yodel? I don't know why that makes me laugh, but it does. Again, the crowd loves her and the judges love her - and I submit that none of us know what we're talking about. I mean, would you know a good yodeler from a bad one? Regardless, you just want to dunk her in your coffee, so it's okay with me. She's a frontrunner to get voted through. Hooray!

All That

I hate All That passionately the first time we saw them, because I just think they are pretty lame. They were a lot better this week, but they still didn't do anything for me. Oh and apparently they are not dancing sprites or tap fairies but rather cloggers. It's an interesting distinction. The only promise is that none of them blew out their hair this week, although one of the guys is rocking out a faux-hawk which is as hardcore as a clogger can get I think. Brandy and the Hoff loved them again, as did Piers, except he wants them to dance in business casual attire next time. He doesn't like their look. I don't either - but I don't think that the khakis and button down shirts he suggests are the answer. Although it would be fun to watch cause it'd be just like those snazzy Gap commercials from a few years ago. Fall into it, baby.

Kevin Johnson

Kevin Johnson is the crazy talented ventriloquist with the two bird puppets, Matilda and Clyde. I really like him, but he does a variation of the same schtick as last time, and I'm a little underwhelmed. Still when the guy throws his voice, it's kind of freaky. And not a "The Hoff's mullet doesn't ever move" freaky. Freaky in a good way. The Hoff challenges Kevin and the birds to push themselves further, but Piers wants to know that there is more to Kevin than just this one bit. I want to know that there's more to me than watching mediocre talent competitions. The vote is still out on both accounts.

Alexis Jordan

The Michael Phelps of this competition. After the auditions when she sang I Have Nothing, she brought everyone, including herself, to tears. She was really great, and suddenly became a front runner. They even used her all over the early promos for the show. I don't what happened in these last few weeks, but when she sang At Last tonight, it seemed like a very different girl. A distinctly less talented girl. Talk about not living up to your own hype.

Vladik

Up until now Vladik was known as the man who made juggling come alive for the Hoff. Tonight, he was the man who killed that glimmer of hope. Vladik's been performing on stage since he was 7, which makes me wonder why he even wants to be in this competition. Isn't Tarzan Juggler #4 in a Cirque du Soleil knockoff enough for you Vladik!?!? Regardless, he's okay, but not worth a million bucks. There is a mild controversy when The Hoff and Piers criticize the poor kid for dropping one of the balls while juggling on a ladder. Brandy and Reege however submit that he didn't drop the ball - his assistant did. Whoa. Remember the Janet Jackson Superbowl incident? The controversy that swirled around that is a pail breeze by comparison to this. Either way they didn't like Vladik, and he does NOT take it very well. No talking back to the Hoff, Vladik!

Shawn Ryan

Posted by Umnata on July 17, 2006 5:33 PM