America's Got... Snore - 
by Umnata
Does anyone even care anymore? Sadly, I still do. So, even more sadly, there will be another installment of this recap. But I've made some very important, very big strides in the fight against America's Got Talent. For one, I have realized that the "talent" in question isn't so much the problem, as the show itself. The production values are horrible, the judging is almost as bad as American Idol and the Reege, while America's granddaddy can;t be expected to save every moment of every show on television. You add all that up, and it should equal a cancelled Season pass on my DVR. But no, I'm too weak. Just a few more weeks, though, I promise. All I need to do is see Bianca Ryan win one million dollars, and I'll put us all out of our misery.
We check out the precursor to tonight's semi-final round. Again 15 acts advanced to this round but only 10 will perform on stage. More importantly is three things: The Hoff in sunglasses, Brandy is all sweaty and Leonid the Magnificent is out of drag. We get an inside look at the choosing of the top 10, and Brandy says something about credibility. Pumpkin, you're second chair on a Gong Show rip-off hosted by Regis Philbin. Credibility is a parasail glide and rocket ship launch away for your seat next to The Hoff.
1. Dave the Horn Guy
What!?!?! I'm probably not going to get to see if rocking, but off-tune PBM got themselves together so I can watch Dave the Horn Guy!?!?! After Piers' lukewarm reaction to Dave the first time, I get the feeling they put him through again, just so Piers can have something nasty to say. And boy am I right! Even though Dave pulled out all the stops, and by stops I mean the "Star Spangled Banner" and confetti. Piers thinks he's the most annoying thing he's ever seen. Props to Dave THG for taking it so well, though. I guess when your profession is "horn guy" you are get used to rejection.
2. Realis
We didn't see Realis in the audition round, but they are an acrobatic, Cirque Du Soleil rip off. It's pretty neat when the guy tosses and catches his 65 pound partner, or when they do their crazy power moves. But I don't think it's worth a million dollars. They are no better or worse than anything you can see at any circus in the country at any time. Or a really good porn for that matter. The judges love them however.
3. At Last
At Last, the Asian singing group from audition put on another great show, this time singing "Let's Stay Together"." Props to anyone who brings Al Green into the limelight. I think they should win solely for denying their parents' wishes of becoming the next generation of dentists. And the world could use a few more Asian celebrities, besides Lucy Liu and the guy who played the principal on Family Matters (second Family Matters recp reference in 12 hours - weird). The judges heap deserving praise (the guy in the plaid fedora is particularly nasty), and the Hoff goes so far as to say that no one can beat them. Umm, Bianca Ryan ? She'll sing their faces off.
4. Natasha Le
Natasha is an eight year old piano prodigy with the world's cutest mom. We didn't get the chance to see her at auditions where she apparently made a few mistakes, but the judges didn't want to crush a little girl's heart so they put her through. She does a great job to the best of my limited knowledge, although I'm not particularly moved. All I keep thinking is how I can't wait to torture my kids by making them take piano lessons. The judges give her good marks, based on the fact that she's cute more than anything else, and the Hoff is particularly condescending. Anyone's who has Baywatch or talking car on their resume, should probably hop off their high horse.
5. Vladimir
Vladimir really impressed me last time he performed, because he's not the biggest guy in the world, but he does some crazy power moves. Much like Peter Parker, he has the proportional strength of a spider, and that I can respect. We learn that what he does is actually called hand balancing. Three weeks ago he did this crazy stuff on two poles but this time he's rocking a seven foot pyramid. Only problem - he's scared of heights! Zoinks! It's all well and good, but definitely a step back from his last performance. The judges are under whelmed, and Piers calls Vlad a gymnast, which is like calling your restaurant server a waitress. Believe me, it's bad.
6. Bobby Badfingers
I'm not on the Bobby Badfingers bandwagon, unlike many people. Well, not many, cause only 4 people are watching this show, so unlike 75% of other people. Last time his snapping made my joints hurt, now his whole act just made my head hurt. He didn't do that much snapping, but rather spun his hands about like crazy to "Conga" by Gloria Estefan like the world's most amped up wedding performer. The judges like him but not the performance. Piers admits that like Dave the Horn Guy, he should loathe Bobby, but he doesn't. He compares him to another one of his guilty pleasures, Baywatch, and seems almost oblivious that this might offend the Hoff.
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