TVgasm Recaps

Last year, enough people buzzed about America's Next Top Model that I figured I'd check out the show this season, but unfortunately limitations on Tivo capacity and, you know, my desire to actually have a life beyond watching TV sort of killed that plan. TV trends don't pass me lightly though, so I finally buckled down and watched an episode. To my surprise, I thought it was really great. How could you not love the fascinating challenges, the interesting personalities, and the intense elimination process? Oh wait, I'm talking about The Apprentice. Sorry. No, despite all the talk, America's Next Top Model lacks a certain charm or intrinsic value that other reality franchises seem to have, but for what it's worth, the show was passable entertainment and certainly not out of range for some good old TVgasm snark.

[Editor's Note: As we look to expand the range of shows TVgasm covers, we are going to be trying out different writers to see what kind of feedback we get. Your favorites will get a chance at writing for TVgasm on a more permanent basis. Today's guest columnist is Jadedbitch, who is doing America's Next Top Model. E-mail us with any feedback or if you think you would like to write.]

We start off with Kelle the ugly duckling moaning on the phone to her father about the lack of
intensity in her eyes and her general bad looks. She then went on to whine, "Why do I have to
be black, daddy? WHY WHY WHY?" Well, not really. But if her father had been watching the show
for the past few weeks, he would've gotten the gist, along with the rest of America.

It's been a whole week since erstwhile aspiring model Kelle was ejected from America's Next Top Model which means that it's time for new women to fixate on body parts they just hate. Granted, no one else knows how to capture that Lifetime TV melodrama the way Kelle did as she gazed at her "snout" in the mirror for hours before collapsing into a bundle of tears, but Cassie and Norelle were willing to give it a run for the money.

Last night's show kicked off as a Very Sad Episode for Cassie. While all the other girls bounced around on their beds for no apparent reason (except maybe rampant coke use), Cassie moped on the phone to her boyfriend and informed him that he'd have to move to NYC. Uh, not so much. Boyfriend wasn't so keen on that. Ouch, another tough blow for Cassie who was still reeling from Anne writing in her low-carb brownies last week (seriously, you would have thought someone had drawn a swastika in there). As she hung up with her boyfriend, America wondered: Will Cassie ever be happy?????

[Guest writer: JadedBitch.]

Girls jumping around on their beds wearing nothing but skimpy tank tops and panties? It's Girls Gone Wild! No, actually it's just the opening scene for America's Next Top Model, cause you know, that's what all supermodels like to do with one another. We then zoom in on Cassie, who is busy doing pilates in her thong. Why, that's exactly what I wear when I do my leg circles! I just find it brings that much more freedom to the workout!

If anyone was wondering what book Tocarra was reading, it was Arthur Golden's Memoirs of a Geisha. I could tell by the blurred out cover. Though, later on in the episode, she apparently has finished with that novel and moved herself onto something else which I did not recognize. What a quick reader, that one! I guess when you're a plus-size, you don't exactly feel like bouncing around on beds or doing "The Hundred" in your gaunch.

Is America ready for its first plus-sized supermodel? Uh, no. That's what we learned in yet another gripping installment of America's Next Top Model. Yes, this week the Reubenesque run of Tocarra came to an inevitable halt as she was quietly erased from the group photo like so many failed models before her. It was a decision that Tyra Banks no doubt agonized over, seeing how she's lately become the resident Dr. Phil of the group. How much does Tyra care about her girls? A lot. In fact, the show kicked off with Tyra inexpliqueably bawling in bed about the fate of erstwhile model Cassie and her rampant bulimia. As she vented to a random woman that I'll assume was her mother (or maybe a transient drag queen), Tyra let us know that she cares, man. She really cares. It was a very Schindler's List moment as Tyra moaned that she could have done more to help. She could have done more! This gold ring - she could have sold it to pay for Cassie's therapy! This necklace - two more sessions. This pin - one more session. One more session!

Ever wanted to meet Tyra Banks? Or maybe Janice Dickinson? Or maybe even that British judge who looks like a character from Chicken Run? Well, now's your chance... sort of.

On December 15th, UPN will be throwing a red-carpet season finale bash for America's Next Top Model, an event that promises to be just slightly less shrill than a Bunim/Murray reality star convention. With any luck, all the cast members will be in attendance - ranging from the intellectually challenged Norelle to the cheeseburger inclined Tocarra. No word yet on whether Janice will be toting around a baby carriage full of blow.

Now here's the catch. TVgasm's preferred ticket brokerage, Stubhub.com, is offering tickets to this event, but don't get too excited just yet. The catch is that people pay $75 for a CHANCE to go to this ultra-exclusive/insignificant event, and in traditional raffle style, one winner will be selected to attend the party. Don't worry, all revenue goes to the Museum of Television and Radio. To put your name in the running, click here.

So where is this party? Well, it's venue, city and state are listed as "n/a in n/a, n/a". THANKS.

What's more fun than watching a bunch of model wannabes claw for survival in a cramped New York City suite? Watching them claw for survival in tiny Japanese cubby holes! This week's episode of America's Next Top Model took our plucky divas and transported them to the strange and foreign land of Japan where they did their best impersonation of a Sofia Coppola film (and for the record, I thought this show was infinitely more entertaining). Of course, any field trip to Japan would not be complete without a sendoff from UPN's promotional department. No, the women didn't receive complementary Smackdown T-shirts (at least, not yet). Instead they were paid a visit by Taye Diggs, who can presently be seen in Kevin Hill, which - oh by the way - airs directly after America's Next Top Model. Mmmmm.... UPN synergy. In other news, Scott Bakula just finished a stint on "Girlfriends" (he plays Sharif).

Was it me, or did last night's America's Next Top Model appear to be strikingly similar to The Amazing Race? After all, we had four models (not dating though) meandering around the streets of a foreign city, eventually getting lost and missing obvious locations. If Phil Koegan had popped up, I wouldn't have been surprised - although I would have been pleasantly amused.

For those of you just tuning in, the Asian odyssey of Ann, Eva, Yaya, and Amanda continued in full force as the gals dove into the wonderful world of Japanese street fashion, which is sort of like American punk except with pastels and a dash of pedophilia. Unfortunately, we never got to see Tyra slip into one of these ensembles, but I assume that's because her beluga-ish forehead has no place in Japanimation.

I have to admit, I had to get convinced that America's Next Top Model was going to be enjoyable television. Although nobody needs to give me an excuse to see a whole lotta Tyra Banks, I kind of brushed aside the show. I sat through a couple of scenes and realized I could do a lot worse than watching a lot of hot women do their thing. We started with fourteen then eliminated our way down to three just ladies left in the final episode. Amanda has gorgeous eyes, which are ironically failing her, and a great camera presence, but doesn't necessarily wow you in person. Eva is the girl with the attitude, a little short, a whole lot of spunk, but sometimes "doesn't deliver the big performance". Yaya is the afro-centric Ivy Leaguer, and perhaps best looking of the final three, but often makes us want to slap some humility upside her head. My only complaint is that we only had sixty minutes worth of finale to crown this year's winner.

We try our best to stay on top of things here at TVgasm, but the rigors of jobs and the desire for a social life sometimes prevents us from always being ahead of the curve. We didn't get into America's Next Top Model until somebody suggested it, and we completely missed out on the pleasures of Project Runway despite so many people telling us that we needed to get on that bandwagon (we eventually got on it in the form of a season marathon a few weekends ago). With all that in mind, we eagerly awaited our first Top Model selection show.

The selection show for America's Next Top Model was good, but there were way too many bitches to weed out. Now that we are down to a more manageable fourteen, we can move on to the more important tasks of makeovers, awkward poses, and three months full of Tyra, Janice, Nigel, and Nolé. Unlike American Idol, we put the hopes and dreams of our favorites in other people's hands. And although you can say that the judges know more than us because they, you know, work in fashion, I can't help but thing that they might have an off night one of these days and take down somebody who might be more deserving. But until I become famous and rename the show "J-Unit's Next Top Fantasy", I guess I will have to deal.

The early returns are in, and it looks like most people believe that this season of America's Next Top Model features a cast that really can't compare with last year's. While I sort of agree with that statement, I didn't get into the show until a number of girls were already eliminated. And although I think the judges got off to a bad start by eliminating Brita, perhaps the hottest member of this cast, I am starting to see the potential in this group. While they aren't exactly blowing us away with their presence in person, I have to admit that many of them are taking great pictures.

So, I hope that everybody has recovered from last week's America's Next Top Model. I know that it was Rebecca who had a seizure(OK, so I'm told it was a vasovagal syncope, but until I go to med school, I won't care) and fell over, but it was the audience that I was afraid would not be able to get up again. Most of us were having our own seizures, some may call them fits of laughter, and had to pick ourselves up off the floor. OK, I have to see it one more time, so here it is (scroll down for the video). How can ANTM ever top that sort of action. It may not ever happen, but at least you can try.

It seems like I am starting a lot of my posts with apologies these days. I am going to have to apologize once again. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to come up with a humorous Constantine mashup for the front page. It's not like you don't have a lot to choose from. Now that I am feeling very contrite, I can say that I am very happy to tell you that America's Next Top Model is as good as ever. What sort of glamorous story do we have in store this week? Flesh eating bacteria, of course! But these girls are so rational and down to earth, so I am sure nobody will freak out. Really.

Now that we are a little ways through this fourth cycle of America's Next Top Model, the decisions on the girls are starting to get a little tougher. On the whole, I am among those that says that this year's cast was not as great overall as last year's cast, but does that really matter? The more that I look at it, the more that I believe the top four or five from this season could easily stack up again last year's top five. True, this time around we have a few more people that were a little rough around the edges, but it is a learning process, and so we will wait for that true potential to show. Still, while they are learning to let their potential show, we have no problem laughing at them as they try and get there. And we have Tyra Banks to lead us through that journey. AWESOME.

So, I know what you have all came for, and yes, we have it. At the end of last week's America's Next Top Model, we were given a preview of Tyra tearing into somebody. There was a lot of speculation as to who it would be, and let's be honest there are plenty of candidates. I am not going to spoil the surprise, but I will tell you that it was well worth the wait. Tyra has solidified herself near the top of the reality speech hall of fame. She was so mad at the way everybody performed this week, she showed not one, but two girls the door.

You know, I have to start giving Tyra Banks more credit. While I love America's Next Top Model and have always believed that our host is one of the most gorgeous people on the planet, I also thought she was a figurehead. I imagined that she was the leader of a puppet regime and there were much more influential people behind the scenes. That still may be true, but after the emotion she put into her speech last week, I have a sense that she not only is interested in making good television for Bankable Productions, but she is also interested in changing the lives of the young women that she finds. Maybe I am falling for an act, but I took notice. The remaining seven contestants also took notice, and they started this week with the elimination of Rebecca and Tiffany fresh on their minds.

[Yes, the Amazing Race recap is coming - so simmer down!]

But wait! There's more. The girls get naked in one of the photo shoots and we were sent the video. No similarly uncensored bits have come available for America's Next Top Model, but I thought I would share some shots of the final four from Australia for those of you who were curious and, of course, Google. After the jump, nude(actually just topless) photos from Australia's Next Top Model (NSFW).

While I love that the entire season of America's Next Top Model has taken place in Los Angeles, it does deprive us of one of the greatest parts of the show, and that is watching the models as they travel. These girls have no clue what they are talking about when the background is American culture. And while it was nice when I had to augment everybody's knowledge Los Angeles (some appreciating it more than others), it would be even better if we got a wonderful "I eat Japanese, I love Panda Express" type of moment. So when I learned that the remaining six top models would be traveling to an undisclosed location, I could barely control my excitement.

Now that America's Next Top Model is down to it's last six girls, I have to start wondering about some troubling scenarios. For instance, what happens if my favorite goes home? Last year I was down with Pink Positive, so even when Norelle left, I had not trouble getting behind Anne and Eva. This year? Ugh. For me, there is not much after Naima, so you know that I was particularly upset when Tyra called her forgettable last week. Judging by how Naima has won the Cover Girl model of the week for, well, every single episode, a lot of people out there agree with me. Also, last week, I called out a girl, SS, for being a bad kisser. Well my friend, let's call him MP, says that after acquiring a few more data points, he wants to revise his statement. I owe you an apology SS. Sorry.

The whole time that America's Next Top Model has been filming in South Africa, we've had all of the standard tourist shots of Cape Town, the frolicking time on the safari, and the whimsical kloofing trip. The girls have been learning about the modeling industry, but Tyra doesn't think that is the only lesson they should learn. With only four people remaining emotions are already running high, and after a trip to a ghetto and a prison brings them face to face with South Africa's apartheid past, things really start to boil over.

So we've finished another season of America's Next Top Model, and Bankable Productions has a fan for life. During this cycle, we had three girls who each represented different parts of the modeling spectrum. Kahlen has a classic beauty with classic proportions and she photographs great, but meeting her in person does not give the same kind of energy. As a spokesperson, Keenyah is your girl. She wows you with her presence, but at the same time sometimes leaves a little to be desired in her pictures. While she isn't fat by everyday standards, her weight and inability to control her appetite is becoming a problem. Naima has edge and flavor and takes good pictures, but her potential is masked by a subdued demeanor that at the same time is begging to get out.

Janice was generally the harshest critic when it came time to see which model was to be eliminated. She was never one to shy away from making people cry, and loved to let her personality go on display (as well as her nipples sometimes). She will be replaced by Twiggy Lawson, perhaps the most famous supermodel of the 60s (if not the first, as Janice claims to be) and our favorite (wo)man, J. Alexander.

As most things in Hollywood, it probably didn't end as mutually as people would like for us to believe, but the rest of the judges still have a good dynamic, and her departure isn't going to take away from the show. Still, there are some things that Janice brought that are going to be hard to replace, like the making out with Tyra in the middle of a show. If you don't remember, we have the full clip after the jump.

Click on Shandi to hear her cry.

If there's anything we know about reality stars, it's that they always cheat on their loved ones. In season two of America's Next Top Model, contestant Shandi betrayed her home town honey by sleeping with another man in Italy. Click on the pic above to hear the vintage audio clip of her blubbering confession.

So, I need a little help here. Recently, I offered a DVD screener of one of the most memorable episodes in the history of America's Next Top Model. In return, I only asked for a little help in sweeping Tyra Banks off of her feet. That's right, you write one letter and you get a free DVD. More importantly, you will have my eternal gratitude.

I have received half a dozen letters so far, all very poignant and sincere, but the season premiere is still two weeks away, so you slackers still have time. Don't worry, I understand the delay, as even my own sister hasn't yet taken the time to help me out. It's kind of depressing actually. So depressing, it makes me wonder if I should just rm -rf tvgasm.com and be done with the whole thing (for anybody who got that joke, I am just kidding).

For the full details click here. Send your submissions to j-unit@tvgasm.com. And if magnetic poetry is more your thing, you can try for a DVD with disturbing toilet seat imagery as well.

I have been anticipating the new season of America's Next Top Model for some time, and it couldn't have come on a better day. After lamenting all of the bad things that happened on Tuesday, everybody in the TVgasm offices, nay everybody in America, needed a pick me up. While some people were still hoping the find enjoyment out of some dirty box in a dirtier hole (we're not talking Janice Dickinson folks), a good portion of us were focusing on something entirely more entertaining. That's right, it was a TWO HOUR premiere episode of America's NextTop Model. I rarely ever get the privilege of recapping two hour premieres or finales, so that combined with my usual heightened state of arousal whenever Tyra enters the television screen makes it for one happy evening. It's so much stuff, I'll have to give it to you in two parts.

America's Next Top Model Cycle 5 started out with a bang this week when Tyra and company introduced us to our new set of wannabe divas. I like selection shows as much as the next guy, but unless it is your first time watching a particular series, you pretty much know how things are going to go. The real magic begins when people start living together and they have to compete. To some, using the word compete with the word modeling doesn't make any sense, but any fan of the show will tell you that the competition is as fierce as you can imagine.

Sorry about the extraordinarily lame title for this latest episode of America's Next Top Model. I have been starting a lot of recaps with apologies lately, so I figured that one more time ain't going to hurt. I probably could have spent a few more minutes thinking of a better title, but "Extreme Makeover: Model Edition" hopefully puts one more nail into the coffin that is the "Extreme Makeover: [Insert Word Here] Edition" joke that is used way to often, and perhaps it will be enough to kill off the show as well)Extreme Makeover, not ANTM!), or at least help all of those lawsuits along. But back on topic, this week marks the time for the model makeovers, always one of the greatest episodes for ANTM. We may argue about a lot of the things that the judges think, but when it comes to makeovers, they know their stuff. The girls are given a look by the judges to varying degrees of success. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does not, but the most important thing is to work it out. You know, do your thing, on the runway, like a Supermodel! Somebody should write a song about it.

If you are anything like me - and to be quite honest I hope you are not too much like me because I am kind of a jerk, and I don't want to think all of the people who read my babblings about Top Model are jerks - you were quite distraught over being pre-empted for a baseball game. To make matters worse, this wasn't the World Series or even the clinching game of the series, but a stupid game 2. If people can't afford to buy cable to get the game on ESPN, well, maybe they should listen to the game on the radio. And isn't this something that KCAL is supposed to be bothered with? But whatever, I got over the slap in the face from networks, and realized I would just have to wait until Saturday. I had originally planned to watch it last night and blog it right away, but I decided that I would go and watch Serenity. Although NBCU gave screenings to every blog and their sister, they somehow left TVgasm off of their blog sphere of influence. How that happens is beyond me, but I still thought it was worth $14, if for nothing else than to see Julia Mililken kicking some ass other than that of Sherry Palmer.

Well, I was happy to see that the people that run the UPN 13 network in Los Angeles came to their senses this Wednesday and decided that it wouldn't be a wise idea to ruin their best night of television, and kept their lineup strong with America's Next Top Model at the 8PM time slot like we have all come to expect.

It's debatable whether the judges sent home the correct girl last week. Sure, Sarah was awkward, but you would think that they would have realized that keeping Kim and Sarah together for a few more weeks would have been gold. No matter how that relationship turned out, they couldn't lose. They either get lots more night scenes of girls making out which, quite frankly, gets guys and girls excited to watch, or they get to see Sarah's heart get broken as Kim treats her like a piece of meat. Humiliation at the hands of the people you love the most. Yep, sounds like Hollywood to me.

So, quite obviously, I am very late on my recappage for the week, and it's quite a shame, because the latest installment of America's Next Top Model was one for the ages. This entire season has been great, but when you get not one, but two different cat fights, with two different participants in each one, you know that there is a lot of drama building in the house. And let's face it, any time you get that many girls living in one place, there is bound to be drama. Put a bunch of women in the same place, and they will start competing. Seriously, they can create a competition while standing in line for Starbucks. They can create rivalries ordering drinks at the bar. They will go to blows over a pair of shoes or a skimpy top. Personally, I can't get enough, and if you are getting all of this when there is an actual competition going on with actual consequences and a life-altering chance at success on the line, there really isn't anything better on television.

After last week's America's Next Top Model, you sort of had to wonder if there would be any drama left for this week. We have narrowed the field down enough that we are getting to the point where you could make a case that any of the remaining girls could be the next top model. There is sort of a sense of anticipation not only because there are fewer and fewer weeks until we are finished, but you know that the stakes are high for all of these girls right now. The girls have invested a lot of time and energy into the process by this point, which makes being sent packing all that more difficult. And yes, I know the title wasn't original, but I laughed so hard at m_ruvs newsgasm title, I thought I would pay homage.

When we last checked in with America's Next Top Model, the judges said buh-bye to Kyle, who was arguably the best looking woman among those still left in the competition. The judges picked Kyle for elimination over Bre because they though she was too safe, and they didn't think she was showing improvement. As we are now down to the final six girls, the pressure is really mounting. The models see that the end is near, and the possiblility of winning is either going to push them to succeed or cause them to wilt under the pressure. And either way, it should be fun to watch.

If you are unfamiliar with the situation, Tyra and Naomi are not really the best of friends. In fact, Tyra says that dealing with Naomi Campbell is one of the reasons she has all but left that part of the world of modeling. When Tyra came on the scene, there was an unwritten rule that there can only be one black supermodel, and Naomi wouldn't let go. TVgasm has a similar unwritten rule, and as soon as we find that other half-black guy or girl, we aren't letting any more in. Anyway, Tyra is going to confront Naomi on the Tyra show today, Friday November 18th (check local listings). I meant to post this yesterday to give people some advance notice, but since TVgasm is so popular these days, I had a little trouble. Luckily for all of you who don't check TVgasm before you go to work, school, or day care, Oxygen replays the show several times, so make sure to set your Tivos or VCRs if you won't be able to catch it when it airs in your town.

Tyra's doing all of this because you girls hate on each other so much. She's been feuding for 14 years, but now it's all about sisterhood. And, really, aren't we all for sisterhood, especially when it doesn't involve traveling pants? That's what I thought.

UPDATE: Oh, it will be blogged. It BEGS to be blogged.

America's Next Top Model has given us a lot of interesting moments this year. For example, if I had said that Steve-O and Chris Pontius and Jason Acuna would be on a television show with some models and that somebody would have pissed themselves in an adult diaper, who would have thought it would be one of the models? Tyra had one of the best reality moments of the year when she went off on Tiffany, but nearly equaled it when she eliminated both Jayla and Nicole, bringing them to tears, only to say it was all a joke, that none of them were eliminated and everybody was going to London. I for one wouldn't mind having a squiz at any of these fit birds or having them give me a good toss. Well, except for maybe Kim; her cods might be bigger than mine.

Ahhhh, America's Next Top Model. Is there any better hump day respite than seeing a bunch of modeling wannabes compete for a Cover Girl contract and Tyra Banks' affection? Over the last few episodes, we got rid of perhaps the prettiest girl in the whole competition (Kyle), fake eliminated two girls only to let them continue on to London (Nicole and Jayla), and most recently, sent the girl who was taking the most consistently fierce photos (Lisa) back to Los Angeles, where she was last seen dealing with the pain by soaking in a bubble bath, talking to her potted fern, and finishing off a case of Two Buck Chuck. Once again, there are complaints that this group of models aren't really model material, but I once gain remind everybody that part of the reason for this show is great TV. Anybody who has actual talent that made it as a finalist will have enough publicity to get a good head start on a career, and so while we may not remember any of the remaining girls because they will grace the cover of Vogue in a few years, at least they are giving us plenty of drama every Wednesday. Some people may have wondered if Lisa's departure would jeopardize the amount of conflict in the house, but after one week without her, we can say that is definitely not the case.

It's Final Four time on America's Next Top Model, and that means we only have two episodes left. Looking back, this has been a great season. While The Amazing Race changed its format and started to decline, and Survivor continued its assault on our sanity by plaguing us with returning cast members, ANTM stuck with its core format and remained one of the most enjoyable shows on television. Sure we may have changed the panel up a little bit, and so we aren't getting quite the number of theatrics at the end of the show, but the girls fighting for the crown have supplied us with incontinence, lesbian romance, and everything in between. If that's not the mark of a great reality show, I don't know what is.

Here we are with another season finale of America's Next Top Model. Once again, we have three beautiful girls, and while there used to be a lot of dram going on in the house, the girls are all so focused on winning that none of that bullshit seemed to matter. Our remaining top model contenders each had parts of their game that they would have to improve upon to impress the judges. London is their last chance to show that they are top model royalty. Nicole is the natural beauty and the definition of youthful exuberance, but there are questions about her personality and her willingness to use more than her pretty face to strike a pose. Bre is the girl with the great personality that everybody wants to work with and has improved almost every week, but has she improved enough to go from being pretty to being a model? And then we have Nik. She has a gentle personality, but a slamming body that always turns fierce in front of the camera, but does she have the confidence to be a spokeswoman and handle all of the pressure? Who will be crowned queen? Let's find out.

Last night marked the return of America's Next Top Model. Once again, the models begin their journey in Los Angeles, and although I already knew who the thirteen finalists would be because the official website of Cycle 6 doesn't make it a secret, that doesn't mean the selection show is any less enjoyable. There are plenty of great personalities, plenty of beautiful young women, and if that isn't enough to get you excited, we were also able to fit in a visit from Janice Dickinson and a bunch of models getting naked for money. Grab a cup of coffee, because we have two hours worth of diva recappage to get you through the day.

The makeover episode is always one of the most enjoyably during a season of America's Next Top Model, so forgive me for once again going the cheap and easy route when it comes to the title of the recap. But none of that's important. The reason I love the makeover episode is that we really get to see the vision the judges had when they picked these girls out in the first place. I think initially, it is not that difficult to look at these girls and tell if they are attractive or not. What the makeover does is start to help us determine if these girls are going to make it in the world of high fashion. Like I said before, the judges have a vision, and you think that after all of these seasons, the girls would learn to trust the judges instincts. Really, has there ever been a makeover that made any off these girls less attractive? Now that would be interesting- the reverse makeover. I wonder if Tyra would try it someday.

Many people have been lamenting this year as the ugliest in the history of America's Next Top Model, but I have to disagree. For me, it is playing out like many previous seasons. The judges think they saw something in somebody, but after the makeover, sometimes girl's unique look may end less fierce and more fugly (thanks Lluvy). ANTM was not created because there is a lack of models in the world, and so I tend not to worry that I may never see the winners of this competition modeling again after CoverGirl stops forcing them upon us. And now that I am done with the lecture, we can get back to the show. Each week is another chance for these girls to step up and prove that they have what it takes to be a diva. At least one girl wanted to prove that she had more game than the rest.

Last week on America's Next Top Model, Jade put the rest of the competition on notice that she was there to compete and there to win. We may have thought that she was just another mannish-looking, over-the-hill diva with no chance to win, but she showed us that she is a mannish-looking, over-the-hill diva that won't let such things as giant hissing cockroaches or Betty White's hairdresser get in her way to that sixth or seventh place finish and a future invite to The Surreal Life. For those of us who still believe that Jade was overrated(we know she is a huge bitch), we had a visit from none other than Janice Dickinson to spice things up. And if that doesn't get your blood flowing, there were some male models on set that really "heightened" the "tensions" in the room.

I like to pretend that I have a decent feel for what is going on with America's Next Top Model, but every now and then an episode comes around that really makes me wonder what in the hell is going on. These models may not make it to the cover of Victoria's Secret, and it is more than likely that we'll never see them again, but that doesn't mean you don't develop favorites. This week's lessons were all about acting, and although the winner of one of the challenges would get a guest role on Veronica Mars, everybody was worried that a poor performance in the photo shoot would mean that they would take their own curtain call.

Last week on America's Next Top Model, I was very upset because Mollie Sue was eliminated. I generally don't care what shenanigans the producers pull to discover the next top model, but in general I want them to start out with a good face. After that, a slamming body and good pictures would be next, followed closely by presence on the runway, and only after that would I care if somebody had a diva attitude and looked great in commercials. The show starts by saying they want a girl who is fierce, fabulous, and fresh. Nowhere does it say that she needs to be a huge bitch. With that being said, I have way to much emotional investment in way too many television shows, so I am not going to let these people get to me. I hope.