On the ride to the airport, Ann, Norelle, and Eva all made a pact to rely on each other to think positively and not be bitchy. In other news, the Kansas City Monitor reports that pigs are flying. Also, the Conrad Twitty tribute has been rescheduled to next month, but that's neither here nor there.

With a new lease on non-bitchy life, the gals all flew thirteen hours to Tokyo where they met Koko Niwa, their annoying Japanese hostess whose participation in the episode was thankfully kept to a mere two minutes. The women were brought to a Japanese shrine where a supermodel-esque monk greeted them. Oh wait, it's Tyra Banks! Apparently this episode was costume time for Tyra. Anyway, she babbled about customs and bowing and yada yada yada. Next thing I knew, she was administering some ancient ritual that probably would have had more significance if it weren't being handled by TYRA BANKS. What's next? Overseeing a bar-mitzvah?

Anyway, the models' next stop was a visit to their hotel which they soon discovered wasn't nearly as comfy as their posh Waldorf Astoria digs. Yes, the ladies were efficiently inserted into a wall of morgue-like capsules, but before Eva could balk too repetitively at the accomodations, the group was off for their photoshoot. Jay Manuel, apparently fresh from a Matrix convention, met the girls and informed them that they would be doing a Campbell's Soup commercial in Japanese. That's sooo 2003 Bill Murray. Eva complained that the director didn't speak English and had the nerve, the NERVE to direct them. Yaya meanwhile relished the challenge. She explained that since she got off the airplane, she's been listening to the locals and has picked up some of the language. That's great Yaya. Let me see if I got this right: you heard some people in the airport and now you can speak Japanese? You do understand that there are other words than "Kunichiwa" and "Sushi", right?

Nevertheless, the ladies all powered through their commercial takes. Eva proved her ineptitude at reading phonetic spellings by stumbling through crazy words like "Campbell's" and "Soup". After her disastrous run, she pouted backstage and confessed that she hopes Norelle bites it. So that "Don't be bitchy!" pact has really worked out well for her.

Afterwards, the group headed back to the hotel where everyone slid into their cubbyholes and prepared for a good night's sleep. Norelle admitted that she felt like a kitten in her capsule, which was cute, but made absolutely no sense. She even meowed for emphasis - you know, just in case by "kitty" we thought she meant armadillo.

At long last, "panel" arrived. Yaya said in an interview that if she gets eliminated, she's gonna need to have a talk with the judges. Was that a threat? Maybe she'll beat them with her oversized bangles and rampant self-righteousness. You know, Yaya is so that girl in college who gets a B+ and then pesters the professor until her grade is eventually bumped up to A- simply out of atrition. Even worse, she's the type that then throws it in your face. Shut up Yaya and your history papers.

Whoa, tangent. Anyway, the girls headed to the relocated panel where they had to eat a bizarre Japanese treat as part of a faux commercial. Most of the girls did an okay job at hiding their disgust, but of course Yaya (damn you Yaya!) didn't even deign to eat the morsel. A no-nonsense Tyra insisted that Yaya eat the product, which she did... and then promptly spat out in a bowl. It was bad enough that Yaya had over-acted her way through the fake commercial to the point where everyone wanted to collectively sucker punch her in the face, but then she spat out the food too?? Dunh dunh dunh!!! Cue the slo-mo instant replay in BLACK AND WHITE!

The judges were not happy. Janice in particular looked completely shocked, but that's because spitting is a foreign concept to her. Believe me, she swallows everything. As the shock resided, the panel went to work critiquing the models. Amazingly, they were all impressed with Ann and Norelle, the latter of which earned a very Marla Gibbs-ish "Chiiiiiild!" from Tyra. After surveying Amanda, Eva, Norelle, Yaya, and Ann, Tyra excused everyone from the room. But wait! What about Nicole? Who? Oh, I thought that was a production assistant lurking around. Turns out that Tyra full on forgot about Nicole. Better yet, this was the second time this episode that happened. Sande Shurin had nearly forgotten to evaluate Nicole's performance at the acting studio as well. I would have mentioned it earlier, but... I forgot. Seriously. Oh the ironies of a TVgasm post!

After the deliberations, Tyra assembled all the women and read the usual instructions: "Whoever isn't called must go to the hotel, pack your belongings and... DIE." Okay, actually what she really said was "leave immediately" but I can interpret that however I want. Tyra slimmed the group down to Nicole and Yaya, ultimately cutting the clearly forgettable Nicole. That's not to say that Yaya was completely off the hook. Oh no. Tyra had a real (and very rehearsed) gem of a dis for her: "I suggest you go to the nearest bakery in Japan and order the biggest slice of humble pie." kaBOOM! That's right Yaya. You best be getting to a bakery! And make sure it serves up ironically titled pastries because this supermodel ain't takin' no mo' attitude from you, ya hear? And makes sure it's the biggest slice possible because if it's slightly smaller, then you have to eat a whole other humble pie to make you think about the first humble pie.

Update: Yaya informed TVgasm that she in fact sought out humble pie, but she did not approve of the ingredients and felt that it would be a compromise to her personality and her self-worth to eat the aforementioned biggest slice possible.

Posted by B-side on November 22, 2004 6:02 PM