A lot of people have complained that a lot of the girls in the last few seasons of ANTM have not really been spectacular in the looks department. I tend to disagree, at least with the complaints. We are trying to find girls who will make for great television. Winning ANTM does not mean that the world will be forced to see that model everywhere they look. They still have to make it in the modeling industry to infect us any further than this show, so why do I care if they don't have a chance in hell of gracing the cover of Vogue? If you absolutely must find the next Kate Moss, do it the easy way. Buy some coke, find a trendy club, and hang out in the bathroom. After you send away Paris and her friends, somebody suitable will turn up.

Audition tapes are a given commodity these days in reality programming, and ANTM fits the bill. Personally, I really don't find these all that humorous. People record themselves and complain about: A) how nobody thought they were pretty when they were growing up B) how small their town is and how they want to experience new things C) how poor their family is and how it will change their life D) Some combination of the above. OK WE GET IT. It's not like they aren't going to all be catty bitches in the space of about 15 minutes. There was one good audition, and that was from Tyra herself, who sent along a fake audition tape. Hailing from Inglewood, she did a little dance and told Jay Alexander she'll show her a thing or two. Now that I think about it, Tyra's skit wasn't that funny either.

From the thousands and thousands of audition tapes that the producers receive, they whittle those numbers down to 36 semi-finalists who will be competing for one of the final thirteen slots for Cycle 5. As the girls start filing into LAX, I am already beginning to salivate. It is not that these girls are so gorgeous that I am getting hot and bothered. No, it's just that my anticipation is starting to grow now that we actually have heard some of these divas speak. So many people come from small towns and neighborhoods where they are all the most gorgeous people there. There are lots of people that we want to see go down, like Susanna. She says that she only has acquaintances, and no friends, but she doesn't care, well, OK, she sort of cares. She probably has no friends because she is one of those skinny bitches that always complains to her friends that she is too fat. They might like her, but DAMN, who can stand that shit all day?

This year the models are staying at the Beverly Hilton instead of at the Century Plaza in Century City. The Beverly Hilton is a nice place, but I would still say that the Beverly Hills Hotel and the Regent Beverly Wilshire are the cream of the crop, despite what Jay Manuel says. If you want to stay in Beverly Hills, the rooms are reasonable at the Hilton, and make sure that you check out Trader Vic's, a favorite destination for TVgasm Polynesian nights. (BTW, if you hate me talking about Los Angeles in recaps, DEAL WITH IT.)

With everybody all in one place, the girls finally get a chance to size each other up, and already people are really intimidated by how gorgeous everybody around them is. Again, I think people are intimidated because they don't have their mothers and high school boyfriends around to tell them how there is nobody else prettier than they are. Jay takes the girls down to the pool where they meet Jay Alexander. For those of you new to the show, Jay Manuel, or Mr. J, is the creative director of the show. He actually does a ton of the work because he coordinates all of the shoots (yes, the other producers obviously help) and is also the first level of feedback for all of the models. Since so many are inexperienced, he is often trying to simply avert disaster in half of the challenges. Jay Alexander, or Miss J, is a runway consultant and is responsible, among other things, for getting the girls to have a decent walk and generally look like models on the runway (if you are confused about the gender classification, it's easier to just not think about it). This season, Miss J is also a judge.

Posted by J-Unit on September 22, 2005 2:47 PM