One of the reasons why ANTM is such a great show comes from some of those modeling paradoxes mere mortals like myself cannot hope to understand. We saw a lot of people get cut yesterday, some of whom we thought should have stayed. Likewise, we saw a lot of people make it who we thought were hideous, and I was not shy about stating my reservations about some. The thing is that it doesn't matter what we think, it is what the camera sees that makes all the difference, and that is really what the judges are trying to anticipate with their selections. We also have to wait for the makeovers to see what professional makeup and styling will do for the complexion. But all of that can be discussed later. For now, we have to find these ladies a place to live.

Continuing on the Beverly Hills theme, the girls all piled in front of City Hall in front of the "scenic" entrance that is on Crescent between Santa Monica Boulevard and Santa Monica Boulevard. I know I have mentioned it before the there are two Santa Monica Boulevards in Los Angeles that run parallel to each other from just east of the 405 through Beverly Hills. I remind everybody because it is still one of the dumbest things I can ever imagine. A close second is that there is a Harvard, Yale, and Princeton street in every neighborhood in Los Angeles. There is even a Bowdoin (which people pronounce Bow-doyne) and a Hobart, but no Dartmouth. WTF is up with that?

I would like to know what people think when they first think of Beverly Hills. If you said "Star Tours," you are right in line with the ANTM producers. All of the girls piled into a double decker tour bus for a private tour of the homes of the stars. And if you don't think it could get any better than that, they also exhumed Robin Leach, who is now about as cool as that guy who dresses up in stockings and says "Welcome to Beverly Hills" in 100 different languages.

The girls were as surprised to see Robin Leach as I was, but seemed excited when Robin said that they would have a champagne toast. It became a little less exciting when Robin said that the girls would only get apple cider. I will give a little shout to Lisa who took hers straight from the bottle. With instincts like that, you know she has to be quite the party girl. That didn't stop some people from trying to be a party pooper, and by some people, I mean Cassandra. When she saw Lisa put her lips to the bottle, she went on about how she was raised proper like, and she was sorry for people who weren't. You can already tell she is going to be a huge bitch. I am not sure why she was complaining, it's not like she was swigging some Bollinger Grand Anne 1973, it was grape juice. I hope that Lisa gets an actual bottle of champagne and breaks it over Cassandra's head and we can christen her the HMS Stupid Bitch.

These star tours are such a rip-off. I have also mentioned it before, but there is no reason to take them or to buy one of those maps they sell every thirty feet on Sunset. There are tons of nice homes in Beverly Hills. How do you know where Tom Cruise lives? You are never going to see them, so if the tour guide says "this is Tom Cruise's house," you won't be able to call him or her out. It seemed as if Robin was giving them a tour, but I think they just drove up Beverly to their new house and they added the Leachmeister's narration after the fact.

Oh that's right, I said they drove up to their new house. Last season we had the model loft, and this season we have the model Beverly Hills mansion. Everybody rushed in and they shrieked because of all the pictures on the wall of the past contestants, and as an added bonus, the house was set up like a department store. There was a section for bags, belts, tops, bottoms, and yes, shoes. Everybody quickly picked up their rooms. It's funny to see which people think they are going to best friends. I am still Pink Positive 4EVR , BTW.

Posted by J-Unit on September 23, 2005 3:59 PM