As a non sequitur, I've decided that I write a lot better when I am away from the TVgasm offices, so I have taken to recapping most of my things on a laptop away from my desk. And even though it usually involves me going no farther than the balcony of the TVgasm offices, I think it works for me. Now, I am not saying this just because I want to add another paragraph to this recap, but I really had to share something that disturbed me as I watched some people walking their dogs past the offices. Now, I really appreciate it when people pick up after their dogs after they do their business on the beautiful landscaping, but don't people have limits? I understand how you eventually get to the point where a small plastic bag is enough of a buffer between you and your dog's steaming waste, and I wouldn't advocate that people need to wear HAZMAT suits or anything, but is it too much to ask that people wear something on their feet when they are walking their dog and picking up shit? I prefer sandals, and often go barefoot, but would you walk around without ANYTHING on your feet to not only walk your dog around the block, but to venture into the grassy area where it just dumped. I didn't see any other dogs get the urge around the same area in the few hours I was outside, but isn't the threat that a dog might have pissed or even worse at that very spot enough of a deterrent to not go BAREFOOT?

Sorry, I had to get that off my chest, as I thought the crime was heinous enough that the 50 people I tell at the office tomorrow is not enough punishment. The 10,000 or so of you who read it over the next few days should indirectly shame this person enough that I won't have to worry about it anymore. Anyway, we found out that swimming with sharks had really nothing to do with the traditional or Hollywood definition, but was probably just a way to tell them to get into their bathing suits. The ladies piled into their Hummer and drove to a ritzy neighborhood. I am not sure about where you grew up, but I would also consider the models' house to be fairly ritzy, so what would make this place so much better? Ahhh yes! Jay Alexander! Sarah said there might be a pool party, but it looks like there is going to be some runway learnin' going on.

Earlier, Tyra said that each of the girls had that model thing going on, but looking at them congregating around Jay, I could only think that Tyra had confused "model" with "cheap hooker." Hey, I like short skirts as much as the next guy, but that micro that you buy a bebe is different than the one that is sold at the Hustler store, you know? If you think you might look like a skank before you go out, here is a tip. If you think you may be advertising the date of your last bikini wax whenever you sit down, stand up, or take a step up the stairs, stick with a nice pair of low-rise jeans. Guys will still go ga-ga, trust me.

Jay told each of the girls that they were going to walk in heels. Jay is good at this stuff, but combined with the fact that he is on the panel giving just about the same advice and criticisms kind of takes away from the segments where he pops up. For now, he's just a prop that they dress up in ridiculous outfits, and his swimsuit was WAY too close to showing us a sequin-covered bulge, and really did nothing for the legs either.

Other than telling them that they might be asked to walk on anything and everything including water, broken glass, hot coals, and lava flows, Jay really didn't do tell them that much. I suppose he could have had a little private session with each of them off camera, but I doubt it. Despite the lack of commentary, the walks still gave us plenty of laughs. Bre has this stomp that is really exaggerated like she left a thousand cigarette butts on the ground and has to put them out before the Simi Valley goes up in flames, but she does work it. You could even call her fierce. On the other end of the spectrum, we have Sarah and Kim.

We know Sarah's problem; she is really uncoordinated. Why these girls even bother showing up without knowing how to sprint in stilettos is beyond me. Sarah has yet another problem, however, and that is the disappearance of her neck when she walks. Her shoulders are already broad, and although she has kept them in check and been able to take nice photographs, they are still a problem on the runway, and runway competence is at least half the battle as a top model. But as bad as Sarah was, I think I would have to say that Kim is worse. It's hard to describe how bad her walk is, but the judges had it right earlier in the season when they said she walked like a man in a dress. I am not sure if she looks so unnatural because she is trying to be more feminine and is failing miserably, but I just can't imagine that she actually that horrible walking normally. Don't get me wrong, I think Kim is cute, but put that body in motion and you are thinking less hot androgyny and more gross hormonal accident.

Posted by J-Unit on October 10, 2005 12:55 PM